I Am Getting There...

These couple of days have seen a change towards the better for me. I still find it hard to get out of bed sometimes... but its getting easier lately. Watched 'Prozac Nation' (good that saves me some $$$ as I dont need to buy the book now!) and I thought it was pretty good, though my brother and mum kept on commenting that the people were all crazy.

I don't think that they were crazy. Rather, I can some how relate to Lizzie. NO! I don't come from a broken home, nor am I crazy and No, I am not in Harvard! Yet there are certain things that she says and does and some of the things that go through her mind remind me of myself. That scares me and yet consoles me at the same time. Yet in the end through it all and of course with the help of anti-depressants (No. I have declined them!), she makes it alright in the end.

Then there was this discussion was last week (not sure if I talked about it already!) that I and the malats were discussing what animals we should be. Needless to say I got all the rotten animals (eg. Hen, Cow, Pig) and the justifications that they gave were just ... odd to put it politely (then again they are just boys talking and I shall not take any notice of them!) Anyways, back to the animal I would be... I am not sure really though at the moment I think that I am half a butterfly. Why? Because I am still growing...(and its not just sideways thank you very much!). I am in that coccoon stage which would make me a catterpillar really. Some of my friends insist that I am a butterfly (bless them!), but I know that I have yet to reach that wonderful stage where I am ready to be called a butterfly. I will let you know when I reach that moment.

Also just finished reading Tony Parsons "Man and Boy" and its scary. Not that it gives me nightmares and the like, but its so REAL. I can imagine my life to be like Gina's and I can see my life like Cyd which is really not what I want. But then again I have come to realize that nothing is predictable and that "forever" is just another word, same goes for "I promise" and "I love you". The book made me look at myself and wonder if I love being in love or if I really loved the person who I am with today.

I guess growing up is never an easy thing. As a friend of mine once said... "One of the rules of walking and being in the alps is too never stop moving. You have to constantly move or the cold will kill you. Life is like that. You can't keep still for a moment because you will die." I think he is right. We have to keep on going eventhough at times it seems that we aren't sure where we are headed. For me, I allow myself a good few breathers to get my bearings and then I am off again. Perhaps this phase I am going through is just a breather... a rather long one... but a breather nonetheless. All these thoughts and this void in me will perhaps take some time to heal or maybe it might be filled tomorrow... I don't know... What I do know is, I am getting better and am finding "me" again. *cheers*