Thursday, August 24, 2006

Dancing In The Sand ~

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This time tomorrow I will be dancing on the sand...

and I know that indefinately a new chapter in life will begin...

P.S: Ah Gee... you are already missed!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

My life is changing...

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Strange Week...

Sometimes the journey of self-discovery is sometimes painfully sad but sometimes wonderful. And life I feel is a lot about love and being love in return and of having the courage to go with what your heart is telling you...

Am at the office now… just had nuggets, zucchini and 2 mini buns. I have not snacked in 1 and 1/2 days. Drank milk yesterday and today and had oats and fruit yesterday and bran today for breakfast. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

* silly grin*

The past week has been strange.
I feel detached from so many things and yet attached to others.
Someone who once was a stranger to me, now plays an important role in my life. I guess I allow him to do that because my heart is telling me to.
Then there is the boy I thought I would marry… the one who loved me and then left. I want to grieve over this lost, but the past few times that he left and which I thought was the end turned out to be merely just another chapter. Will this time be any different?

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I was disappointed in myself though on Sunday afternoon, when the weather was humid and hazy and when the cars were jammed all along bukit bintang road. I should have walked away then. I should have opened the door and walked away but I sat there and I stared ahead blank and immune to the words hurled at me and the fumes permeating my lungs. Standing outside my gate, I thanked God for the millionth time that I was alive but I berated myself for having being weak. Yes the comment left by an anon is right, at times I am a weakling… but that will hopefully change in time and strange as it may sound, I feel that things are already different in certain aspects of my life.

Much has happened around me as well. Something’s that I have no power to change and yet others that I can and it all boils down to letting go and living it up to what I have always dreamt and hoped for.

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Yes, sometimes the journey of self-discovery is painfully sad and at times I wish with all my heart that the pain would go away but it is necessary to feel pain I think because when joy and love comes, you will be able to feel it with every fibre of your body. And about love and having the courage to go with what your heart is telling you, its such a difficult task because sometimes your heart is too adventurous and your heart blinds you too much with emotions. But I guess in the end, everything will be okay in time and all wounds will heal and all smiles will be set straight.

To You, the sun that drove away the clouds, thanks…

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Well its back to sitting in front of the pc and try and do my work whilst I ponder about what the future has in store for the days ahead.


Friday, August 04, 2006

--> Grouchy Me <--

It’s 8.16pm as I write this entry and every normal sane person would be at home enjoying their weekend… well count me out of that equation ‘cos I am still at work!!!
Was asked by several colleagues who were wakling out the door, “Why you still here?”
I wanted to retort “Waiting for my eggs to hatch”… but being the nice person that I am, “I said work” and hunched over my work and willed them to go away before I felt the urge to take my envelope opener and gorge out their eyes.

Sorry… that’s me being not so nice…

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But I can’t help it… I am just so tired and now after all the praying for the weekend to come quickly, its here and I just realised I have nothing planned. Sun sort of saved the morning when he suggested we go for lunch and animal/pet watching at Ikano. Great, ‘cos I have work at Ikano tomorrow at 2pm!!! – Gawd!!! Client freaking servicing. Thank God I can wear normal clothes… and I hope they don’t make me stay long.

Sorry I sound like a grouch… *sob sob*
It don't want to feel this way... But I can’t help it… *sigh*

The oldies that are playing on my yahoo player helps a little but then…
I don’t know… there is just something missing…
The only good thing is that I love the "me" time I am having now.
No one demanding things from me or bothering me, playing with my mind and heart or asking me to do things… its just me, alone in the office and me alone with my thoughts, golden oldies in the background and the computer for me to tinker on, just the way I like it… would be really great if I had some food though… the sarnie at 12.30pm can only go so far but then I guess I am blessed to even have some food.
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I think I am an emotional wreck now… like a ticking time bomb ready to explode!!!
~ okay so I am exaggerating, but I just feel like damn wierdlah… this weird weird feeling that something is not quite right and I hate that feeling.
Anyways I think I should stop work and go home and just enjoy the weekend… *smile*
~~* hope that things get better…

Blessed Happy WEEKEND!!!

Happy Friday

"It is often easier to speak with ones mind then it tis ones heart" -- LKB

I was lying down on my groovy happy butterfly comforter after work yesterday and just lay there… and as usual my thoughts started flitting in and out of my memories and thoughts. A scheduled relaxing nap turned into full on thinking fest with as usual not many concrete conclusions.
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I realised though that these couple of days I have been speaking with my heart and it is freaking difficult having to face the consequences of that. Some things which I was so used to the past few weeks have changed and well it sucks big time but I guess all good things come to and end, right? The SMS’s, the emails and the calls have dwindled, perhaps its just busy season.

*sigh sigh*

With regards to work though, things have improved significantly. I have sort of accepted that I am not a working adult and have joined the world of the grown-ups but I have resolved not to fully join them and to retain all the things that I love even though it is deemed childish and immature.

But I am glad it’s Friday and that I am at least progressing with work and life… at least now I have a direction which I am headed. It’s not super bright or clear, but its some where and I guess Someday I will know if love can move a mountain, I will know what the wind says when she cries, I will know why I wasn’t meant for you and someday I will be content with what life has allotted to me.

Happppy Friday peeps!
*grin grin* hope you guys have a wonderful one…
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“If I could ask God just one question,
why aren’t you here with me…” New Radicals

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Was reading my past emails and came upon this:
"wish i could just freeze time n take u to another dimension"
Thanks Spaceman


Fun Fact Of The Day:
A prawns heart is in it's head!

Just a thought...
If a prawn was to fall in love...
would it think with its heart or its head?
I feel prawn-ish today!!!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

"Walking Away"

"Walking Away"
Foo Fighters

The sun goes down as the city lights
Pave their way through the darkest night
Raindrops fall as an old man cries
Never thought to ever think twice

Of all he had
Of all he lost
A selfish life
And guess comes with the cost

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away
Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away

The same old streets just a different name
Same old house just the family's changed
Pickett fence
The window stains
Freedom spells by a man in chains

Silence is all we have to give
And the memories of a life I wish we'd lived

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away
Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away

From all that you made
That you lost
Or threw away
Traded in for a brand new life
But I can't
Can't let go
Can't turn around
Hold my head high and walk away

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away
Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away

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Yes I remember you walking away...
and Now I am lost...
Why did you have to go away???

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I am missing you...
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