Monday, December 31, 2007

Last post of 2007 ~*

I am at the office… it’s the last day of 2007, but I had this strange urge to reminisce about the year gone by and it suddenly hits me that in just a few hours I will be ushering in the New Year. 9 hours and 5 minutes to be exact! Where has the year gone too? As a matter of fact, where has Christmas gone too? I can remember so clearly preparing my Christmas card and gift list (I love lists) and what do you know, Christmas is over – I will have to wait another 360 something days for the next Christmas – and now I have to start on my New Years resolution list yet again!

Clich├ęd sayings of ‘how time flies’ and how the older you get the faster time will pass ring in my ears but I don’t deny any of it… its all true. Someone once said its because of the mundane routines that we adults have that makes time pass so very quickly and again I have to nod my head in agreement.

Take for example my mundane routine. The weekdays see me waking up, getting ready for work, walking the same path to get to work, sitting behind that same desk and attending to the same type of work, walking the same path to get home, unwinding and finally getting ready for bed. The things that differ are usually the amount of work I have, what I have for lunch and dinner and when I manage to extract myself from my seat to go home.

The weekends are a crazy rush for me to squeeze in my chores, errands, reading, arts and crafts, family and friends time and to get that much needed extra sleep, that at times I wish it was Monday all over again. But then when Monday rolls along, I can’t help wish I could fast-forward myself to Friday night again. Yes I know… I am kind of a complicated soul. Go figure!

Now back to the issue of the New Year. Sometimes I think like most occasions, the New Year has been blown out of proportion. Sure you technically get a whole new calendar and you now get to write 2008 instead of 2007 in the year column… but then again why don’t we celebrate every second that passes since technically you never get the particular second back again and it’s a ‘new’ second every time.

So why wait for a new year to make new resolutions? Why make such a big issue of the New Year? Why don our best and spend heaps of money on fancy dinners and drinks? Why rush off to some crazy party or countdown? Why throw fantastic fireworks displays when each and each second should be as momentous a celebration?

Having said all that, I know however that come New Year’s Eve, I will succumb to counting down the seconds to 2008 and will be toasting and SMS’ing my wishes to those dearest to me. I guess it’s about me needing and wanting that one luminous, significant moment of change. That one moment filled with such hope and expectation that maybe this year things will be different.

That this year instead of reading in the newspapers about wars, assassinations, global warming, suicide bombings, kidnappings and rape, I will instead read about peace, about new beginnings, about hope, about joy… all happy, good and positive news. That this year instead of worrying about bonuses, promotions and workloads, I will think about spending more time with those I love, spending my time doing acts of charity, enjoying the little things in life like I used to.

That instead of wanting and pursuing more material things, I will instead pursue things that can’t be bought, like wisdom, peace, patience and kindness. That instead of holding on to grudges, anger and hurt, I will learn to let go and just breathe. That instead of whining and worrying about my weight and trying out diet #1296, I will learn to love that little ‘extra bit of me’ and chuck out all those ‘helpful’ diet tips and plans.

Yes… perhaps this New Year will be different. To start, I think will not be doing a New Year’s Resolution List 2008 – I don’t think I managed to fulfill last years resolutions as of yet – instead I will write a list (yay – more lists!) of all the things I have been blessed with this year. It will certainly act as a reminder of the many blessings that I have received. Furthermore, it will certainly serve to remind me of the many achievements and happy moments I have had throughout the year and be thankful for all that has happened.

As I sit here in front of my old ancient dinosaur of a computer in the office, it seems that at a glance, my 2007 wasn’t all that bad. Sure there were grey areas, moments I wish I could erase, revamp or change but then again, who has a perfect life, eh? As always, I offer up a prayer that 2008 will be better than 2007… that I will have the courage to use my butterfly wings and the wisdom to chose the right paths and that as the fireworks explode in cascades of rainbows in the sky in nine hours and 3 minutes time, I along with all other Malaysians will feel that one shining, significant moment of hope for the New Year, a moment that will be filled with endless opportunities, possibilities and miracles.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

I Miss You - Blink 182

Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in backround of the morgue
The unsespecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never end
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime
And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me
your already the voice inside my head
I miss you... I miss you
It's that simple.
I just miss you.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmasy Things

It’s Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas!

I can’t believe that Christmas has crept upon me so very suddenly. All my grand plans for a joyful more meaningful Christmas this year has been drowned out by the incessant shouts of ‘sales’, ‘better bargains’ and ‘I wants…’ When I look at the bills, I shudder but know that the recipients of the said gifts will be happy… and yet for me the reality that Christmas is here has not really sunken in. I feel like I am missing out on something… as stupid as it sounds, to me, it doesn't feel that Christmas is here...

As evidence, I have not written a single Christmas card. The grand plans of handmade gifts and cards (plus the huge supply of arts and crafts stuff for the grand plans) have been abandoned in some dark closet, for another day… another Christmas.

Once upon a time, my Christmas Eve’s were always magical. There was always such magic and anticipation on Christmas Eve… and now… I don’t quite feel the Christmas Spirit. I feel the Christmas Spirit though in the little things... in short bursts. In the bells that chimed, the songs that were sung and in the candles that were lit at midnight mass... but then as I left the church, the magic sort of slipped away. The party that I went to after that, a party that I had been looking forward to, turned out to be… just different. Maybe it was just me that was different and everything was as it should be… I don't know...


It’s also been awhile since I wrote on my blog. Awhile since I actually penned down my thoughts. Been awhile since I took the time out from my other things to write what is really bothering me. Really expressing myself and what I really want to say and not some hasty post written during lunch or way after office hours.

Time has crept up on me so suddenly and I feel a strange combination of feelings. I feel elated, I feel scared, I feel angry, I feel sad, I feel hurt, I feel adventurous, I feel disheartened, I feel jealous, I feel bitter, I feel melancholy, I feel confused… I feel so many things that at times (actually more often than not) I don’t quite know what I am really feeling. More often than not, I feel like I have to wear a mask to hide how I am really feeling which really sucks.

Several people have commented that I have changed. Have become more arrogant. Arrogant. Conceited. Haughty. Superior. Proud. I would never think that these words would ever be used to describe me… but I guess I was wrong. And it pains me to know that I have become as such.


My work really has changed me that at times I don’t quite know the person staring back in the mirror. I worry about work. I think about work. I strategize in my head about work. And I am sick of work for work has ruled my life these past two months and it has robbed me of much. I feel so tired. So drained… but in a sick sick way, I like the work that I do. Or maybe it’s the ‘kiasu-ism’ in me that wants to just be the best and do the best that I can. I can’t help it as well when I want to strive for more, want to do better, want to achieve more…

I can’t believe I am writing so much stuff about non-Christmas related stuff when I should be technically writing Christmasy things but I feel way better now having unloaded these little snippets of my burdens of my weary shoulders.


So here’s some Christmasy things:

* To my family and all my friends near and far, may you have a very Happy Blessed Christmas and a wonderfully memorable (in a good way) year ahead. May you receive abundant blessings from God above and gifts that only He can provide… Gifts of hope for better brighter days to come, of peace of mind, body and soul, of joy that bubbles at the very core of your being, of faith that all things will work out for the best if you believe and trust in God, of courage to face up to your fears and what the future holds in store for you, for strength to face the unknown and trials that may sometimes come your way, for kindness and compassion in a world of greed, hate and corruption, for wisdom to make the best decisions in life, for discernment to know right from wrong and most of all for love which is the bestest, most magical thing in the world...

To Sunshine thank you for being one of the pillars of my life. For being patient. For being always there, a steady rock in my uncertain world. For being a loving partner, my best friend and my missing rib. Thank you for the times you listened to my whinging without saying anything. For telling me the truth when I needed to hear it. For putting up with my nonsense and my strange mood swings. For picking me up when I work late. For back rubs, SMS’s, phone calls and just your thoughtfulness… for all the things that money cannot buy. You will always be my FLFKKD.

To B… thank you for being a good friend while I have been in HLB. For the laughs of which we have had many. For the long talks and drinks. For the times when you stayed back so that you could give me a lift home. For the friendship for ‘ten’ years. For just being you.

To G… thanks for coming back. It was one of the best Christmas presents received to date… just you being back.

To Cat, for the years of friendship, for you not judging me, for being a confidant, someone to laugh with and cry with and of course for our first ever trip to Singapore which was fun (but hectic and stressful!). We should do it again soon. Thanks for the Eeyore stuff btw! *grin grin*

To the bank folks… thanks for the SMS’s, the calls and the overall fun we have most days at work. To J.L thanks for the gossip, the food you constantly buy me (are you trying to make me fatter), the laughs and urgent SMS’s and calls you give me. To J.T for waking me up at the right time, for reminding me of who I am and for being an SMS buddy. To J.O for the smiles and food, I am happy that you have found someone. To L.W, thanks for the makan sessions at Jumpa, for the songs that you sing, for the laughter that we share, for the SMS’s and stupid emails.

To Philip… for the long chat we had the other day. It was wonderful to talk to you again and to remember the days passed. How time has flown since we met half way across the world.

To you, thank you for being in my life. For being there, a constant, vigilant Angel. I am sorry that I forget you sometimes. I am sorry if I have neglected you in any way. I think of you constantly and wish that things weren’t the way they are… but as always, everything happens for a reason and you are where you are and I am where I am. Just to let you know, I miss you with every core of my being…

Well, that’s enough Christmasy things


Happy Blessed Christmas all.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Its 6:07pm and I am home...
*shock gasp horror*
But before you think that for once I have no work, I am on MC.
*sniff sniff*
The day has been pretty crappy... I feel stoned, ugly and slow.
A truly bad combination.
It really doesn't help that for some strange reason I am affected by a sudden status change in someones relationship column and a whole host of other strange emotions only I can feel such as: Feeling angry that I have to go to Penang whilst others attend parties; Feeling cheated because I am going to Penang; Feeling annoyed that I have to go to Penang (and a whole host of other Penang related emotions!); Feeling sad that you are sick and are not well; Feeling I-couldn't-give-to-shits what is going with you; Feeling annoyed that I am slow, stoned and ugly; Feeling damn ugly because of the zits on my face and generally feeling very un-Christmas and un-*Dream Weaver* like.
I need the Christmas spirit.
Anyone wants to share with me some extra Christmas spirit or antibiotics for that matter? I reckon I will stop this idiot rambling once I get better and will regret this stilly emotions flowing in my veins. Am going to sleep now...

Monday, December 17, 2007

Singapore 2007

Singapore was pretty good though are some bits which I wish could be erased. Went shopping like crazy with Cats and bought heaps of goodies... the only problem was lugging it all back... *grins* I thought the lights weren't as good as the previous years and it was pity that I we were a week too early for Swan Lake.

Oh well... maybe next time. On the plus side, there were so many Eeyore stuffs too and Scrapbooking stuff and though I didn't go overly mad, I did splurge a little...

Now all I need to do is find the time to unpack my stuff from the Bangkok trip in Sept and this Singapore trip and actually get down to doing my arts and crafts and clearing and arranging my room ~ easy peasy, right?
~ The colourful Nativity scene ~

~ The decorations on Orchard ~

~ I and Cats @ Taka ~

~ Kick ass Ramen@ Ajisen ~

~ The shopping was a lot of fun and hard work ~

~Having a ice-blended mocha @ Spinellis after a long day of shoppings ~

~ The yummy looking donuts @ Missy Donuts ~

~ O Christmas Tree ~

Monday, December 03, 2007

How things change

I am at the office again. It's 9:04pm.
It's strange but I now don't find it that unbelievable that I stay back so late. My friends still gawk and gasp everytime I mention my working hours and should you have told me this 3 months prior to this date, I would have laughed at you... after all, wasn't I one of the few who had their bags packed ready to leave at 5:56pm at the old hovel?
How things have changed...
Along with these changes comes the need to prove myself. To prove that for once in my life I can excel in something totally outside of my comfort zone. My family constantly jokes that I have sold my soul to the bank... alas, I think I have sold my life to the bank... not my soul for my soul belongs to Him who has created me.
The past week has seen me do 11ish'es and buried in work but so far the work has paid off as certain people (bosses and such) know that I exist. Furthurmore, I always find such satisfaction knowing that I did a pretty good job. So to treat myself and to finally buy something with my first paycheque, I went shopping at The Curve and spent ages shopping for work clothes. I wanted to get some books but after looking at the piles I have yet to read, I decided that the books can wait another day... though I may succumb the next time I am at a bookshop.
Christmas is also around the corner. I can't believe it is so close by and I don't feel an ounce of the Christmas Spirit.
NOT an OUNCE! ~ this is so unlike me ~
I wait the whole entire year for Christmas and prepare, in my mind, all the lovely things I will make for my loved ones rather than the same old same old store bought gifts... but from my vantage point, that's what they will be getting... store bought gifts again. My weekends from now till Christmas are booked (if all goes well I will be heading down to Singpoare again in 2 weeks time) and I have no clue as to when I will get the Christmas shopping done. I might just take leave to do the shopping though I will worry endlessly about the work piling up in the office...
Anyways, I should go back to my work. It's quite amusing... me going back to work at 9:14pm when in the hovel I used to scamper in the door at 9:14am and hope that no one would notice that I wasn't in yet... how things change...
* I miss you btw... I hope you know
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