Sunday, January 22, 2006

Today and Yesterday!

Some conversations this week which I thought were funny... but then again I everything tickles me these days *grin grin*
Me: Hey, you got a gap between your teeth!!!
Brother: Yeah I know. Quite hot right? Like Madonna!!!
Image hosting by Photobucket
Dad: Why so aunty, carrying your bag on your shoulder all???
Me: So how? You want me to put the bag between my legs and walk is it?
Very memorable phrase:
Forgiveness does not equal forgetting.
It is about healing the memory of the hurt, not forgetting it.
Yesterday we went for my neighbours wedding. My family was the only Chinese family but all was good. So muhibbah as we sat on the same table as the other neighbours *smile* It was strange to see my neighbour Ali getting married because once upon a time we all (the neighbourhood children) used to play together... and now its an arrange marriage for him. His wife is hot by the way, so I suppose he is lucky. Wierd... Ali married!!! Goodness... so difficult to imagine. Soon it will be my brother and my friends and so on...
Image hosting by Photobucket
Today I spent almost 10 hours at The Curve with various friends catching up with our lives and shopping. First it was lunch at Marche with Amy and Dira and then it was coffee at Paddingtons House Of Pancakes with Nic and then dinner at Sakae Sushi with Nic, Tania, Adrian and Yews. My legs hurt thanks to the heels I wore *sniff* but I got some really good deals. Bought 3 new books (3 for the price of 2 from Borders) - 'The Zahir', 'The Neverending Story' (yes the movie) and '50 Facts That Should Change Your Life' -- or something like that. I also got myself and organiser and a Bunny calender *cutes cutes* Then the Possum and I watched "Mind Your Language" at his apartment whilst snacking on BK chicken tenders.
Image hosting by Photobucket
As usual I should be asleep but I have this urge to write because I can't sleep and don't quite feel like reading (gasp, shock, horror!). There is this emptiness in me though my life is quite full at the moment. Strange? Well am reading this book and it's called "Twentysomething" and its about people in their 20's (duhhh) and how they go through a quarterlife crisis and yup... here I am right smack in it!
My heart is also not in the best of health as I find it beating to a different rhythm at times. A rhythm that I have known all along yet at the same time find strange and new, scary and soothing. It's a rhythm with so much promise yet uncertainty.
Image hosting by Photobucket
Well enough of rambling. Goodnights folks. Have a good week ahead and just think there is more holidays around the corner! *smiles smiles*

Saturday, January 21, 2006

The Call of The Sea

Image hosting by Photobucket

On days like this
I hear the call of the sea
Silently sometimes thunderously
Calling out to me

The waves that rush on to the shore
Beckons with lulling hypnotic sounds
Sounds of lament and fear
Sounds that only I can hear

Then there are the fiery tides
That spill on to the shore
Which curses, spits and swears
Of the weary sailors unanswered prayers

Rip curls tug the unsuspecting swimmer
And drags them beneath to the deep
Welcoming them with open arms
To an eternal sorrowful sleep

Walking by the shore
That knows and sees this pain
I am wishing I was one with the sea
What an easy way to end my misery

It is then that a light blinds my eyes
A lighthouse
A beacon of hope
A light for the blind to see
Reminding me that there is light
At the end of every single tunnel
And I know that it is the truth

So I pull my eyes away
From that endless expanse of sapphire blue
Away from the melody that beckons
That never ending call of the sea

Thursday, January 19, 2006

- - ->Where time goes to...

Lots of things have been happening these couple of days and really I sometimes wonder where time goes to. One minute it’s like 2pm and the next its 7pm and I realise I have done absolutely shite with my day *sniff sniff* - bad bad *Dream Weaver* but Procrastinitis is hard to cure and relapses are oh so common these days.
Image hosted by
The past few days, my dad has been on leave from work to spring clean the house - he is a super neat freak - and he has been bugging me to help me. A couple of days ago:

Dad comes into my room with old ancient loud vacuum cleaner.
Dad: Your room has spiders. Get up. Spiders!!!
Me: - still pretends to sleep because you have to wake up with the racket he makes while cleaning the house.
Dad: I don’t know, after the spider bites you.
Me: - still buat duhhhh… pretending I am asleep.

Dad starts vacuuming… and making A LOT of noise!
AND me? I just pretend to sleep and sleep - quite mean right? but if I wake up I can't ever go back to sleep. After banging the vacuum around as much as he can, dad leaves the room whilst muttering “Always I have to do everything. So lazy. One thing also cannot do…” Blah blah blah… I have heard this so many times but it’s endearing in an annoying way. When the coast is clear I reach for my book at my side and start reading. It’s nice though having my dad around. We have lunch together everyday and he brings me to do my errands which is always a good thing *wink wink*

Image hosted by
My LAST assignment has been urmm… not moving due to my relapse of Procrastinitis. In a way I think that I am afraid of finishing this assignment ‘cos it will be like the END of my school years and some part of me is not ready for that. I am not ready to get out into the working world and having a 9-5 job. Can die!!! It’s like oh gawd… there goes the lepaking days at 1Utama and waking up like at 2pm and sleeping at 7am, going out till 4am and all those sort of stuff… *sniff* But I know I need to get my act in order and give this last assignment a real good send off in much pomp and glamour and get a magnificent A. Anyone want to help?


+ Divine Intervention +
I also got my hair cut with thesexyDave and we had a nice meal at Island CafĂ© though sadly I got out of there more confused. Then today I got my hair highlighted two shades of brown. You can’t really see the difference but I like it *grin grin* My dad sponsored 1/3 of the price and I am thankful for that. A surprising thing… I was in the car on the way to the salon and was stressing about things and so I prayed to God and asked Him to help me:
Oh God! I have spent soooo much money this year and the credit card bills are still unpaid… so dead… I can’t believe I have to like have debt before I start working. This is crap. I shouldn’t have this kind of crap. I need money. Oh God, How am I going to pay for the idiot highlights now? God I so need your help…

Image hosted by

… and suddenly the ringtone for work comes on and I pick up and they tell me that me money is ready!!! *hoorah hoorah* Talk about prayers being answered fast! That’s what I call super good Divine Intervention service.

*smiles* It doesn’t work for other things. I checked!


::Fresh Meat::
Image hosted by
On to another topic - I think I am like fresh meat as diligent telemarketers; wily insurance agents and endorphin pumped up gym telepeople are calling me. Yes. They realize that I am at that stage in my life when the next step would be a FULL TIME JOB *gasp shock horror* and that would mean more money to burn. So they keep hounding me and me being one who avoids confrontations, just cancels their calls when they call.
They are so super annoying it drives me mad!!!

Image hosted by

I have also started trying out new games online and started downloading free fonts, talk about a sad life. But honestly, it’s really nice some fonts and they are free!!! *hoorah* The downside to all these gaming is that I can’t seem to stop and I play till my eyes need to be pried open with a toothpick. I should be studying… I should be reading my texts. I should be thinking about PR strategies not strategies on how to get rid of idiotic coloured balls and coloured bricks. Oh yes... been admiring my new makeup I bought from the clearence sale for Estee. They had other brands too and I spent a whoopin' 3 figured amount which is 7 and above on makeup and beauty stuff - who would have thought!!! - but it was for my mum too so I didn't feel THAT bad...


Image hosted by

I was in Chow Yang in SS2 having dinner with my parents when I realized something. The hokkein mee guy looks like a brownie pixie type man or one of them fairy folk. I of course couldn’t keep that bit of info to myself and told my parents about them. This is the response I got:

Dad: Yeah quite true… but you are so bad to say things about him!
Mum: Yeah yeah… I recognize him from one of your story books.

See why I am so deluded??? It’s in the genes I say!!! I also noticed a couple more of them fairy folk type people working there. I joked and said that it was a magical fairyland place and my mum layaned me and said… yes she thinks it could be that! *hehehehehe*


…> Introducing Bonnie & Clyde <…
Bonnie & Clyde are the latest additions to my house. They are adorable tortoises and they are wee little ones with shells which are still soft. Bonnie has a darker shell and Clyde has a lighter one. They are simply adorable I tell you. I left them roam free in the living room 0n several occasions much to the annoyance of my mum and bro who hates them. I got them a new tank with a bright red bridge, a brown ladder and a fake coconut tree. They seem to like the bridge most of all. Feel free to come see them if you want. Pics will be up when I get hold of the camera… *God know when that will be…

Image hosted by

Well I had better be going. It’s been a long long post. A month more before I turn freaking 24!!! - so so so old - *sob sob sob* Where does time go to???
Image hosted by

Saturday, January 14, 2006

::: My Year Away :::

To: Anon, hope this keeps you busy and keeps the mozzies at bay. Thought back to the past and found this essay which i wrote before. Its kinda long, be warned and please help!
::: My Year Away:::
There was not a building in sight as I looked out of the grubby square next to me, only miles and miles of flat brownish land tinged with slight greens here and there as far as the eye could see. Dotted sporadically around were trees and what appeared to be little brownish blobs, which apparently were sheep. Sheep? I thought they were supposed to be white? (Apparently ‘Mary’s little lamb’ had a rather strong impact on me). My stomach started churning as the little aircraft bobbed up and down on the wind. The bright sunshine which filtered into the little grubby square window hurt my eyes and the cheese and dry crackers served with orange juice that I consumed earlier, bounced around in my tummy. I felt like regurgitating everything. To be honest I was regretting even getting on the plane, actually I regretted even leaving Malaysia the only home I knew.
Image hosted by
It all started about a year ago when my mum came home and told me that her bank was going to sponsor 6 teens to go for a student exchange program and she thought that I would make a good candidate. For me, it was my one chance to leave, to broaden my horizons and to see the great big world. To make a long story short, I got the scholarship and was on my way to Australia for a whole year. I was to going to stay with the Eaton family at a small farming community called Temora in the Riverina, New South Wales. I didn’t know who the Eaton’s were, and for the life of me I didn’t know where Temora was. Everything was one gigantic mystery and I couldn’t help feeling excited, nervous, scared, sad and happy all at the same time. What a strange combination, huh?

My churning stomach had finally settled down but my heart started thumping as the little plane finally reached the little town of Wagga Wagga (an hour away from Temora), I was finally here. My host family, the Eaton’s, were there with huge smiles on their faces and after the introductions I was packed into the car and we were off for Temora. On the way there, the shock of not seeing any buildings and highways troubled me and I asked my host family about the lack of them and they told me that in Temora, there were no skyscrapers or even 10 storey buildings, there were no shopping malls, no McDonalds, or KFC’s. My stomach started to churn again as I heard this. I looked out of my window and once again I saw the sparse trees, brown sheep and miles and miles flat brownish land tinged with slight greens here and there as far as the eye could see
Image hosted by

As I reached the town of Temora - population 4600 - my family showed me Hoskins Street, which was the Main Street in Temora. I did a rough count in my mind of how many shops they had and surprisingly the figure did not even reach 30 shops. The Eaton’s then drove me around to show me the ‘tourist attractions’ and I was praying to God that this was not all there was to the town but sadly, it was all there was to the town. I was more than a little worried about how I was going to survive, after all I practically lived in 1Utama and ate fast food almost every other day. I asked myself this similar question on many occasions during that year abroad. It was a question that shaped me in some way and I remember reading a quote while I was about to leave. It gave me a whole new perspective on life and my experience there in the little town of Temora. The quote went like this
“God doesn’t put you in any place to small to grow in”.

Well, after the "long" tour, which lasted a whole 10 minutes, I was driven to my new home ‘Jesadale’ which was a good 45 minutes walk from the Main Street. ‘Jesadale’ was a large single-storey bungalow surrounded by; you guessed it, miles and miles of flat brownish land tinged with slight greens here and there as far as the eye could see. The house was nice and homely. I loved the floor to ceiling glass windows that overlooked a wonderful garden bright with flowers of every colour and size. All the rooms had no locks and there were no grills anywhere. I wasn’t given a set of house keys simply because there was no need for them. I was rather alarmed about the lack of locks and grills and I spent many sleepless nights creating hypothetical scenarios in my mind of burglars breaking into the home and replaying horror stories my dad likes to tell me about "the dangers all over the place", but as the days passed by I got used to the lack of grills and locks and came to enjoy the freedom and the convenience that came along with not having to worry about keys and locks though the bathroom was a slight problem especially if you were halfway through some important business or having a glorious refreshing princess bath.
Image hosted by
The Eaton’s as well as the people in Temora were all nice people as they always made me feel welcome wherever I went and were genuinely nice to me. My friends there were not that different from my friends here though at the beginning I thought it strange that many of them wanted to become farmers like their parents when they grew up, but that was their way of life there, farming. There were acres and acres of crops and it was wonderful when it was harvest time as I got to sit on the big machines and harvest the crops along with them. It was a unique experience, one that I still treasure . In the beginning though, some of my classmates, thought that Malaysians lived on trees and wore leaves as clothing – though in my case I would need huge banana leaves, eh??? Anyways, I sure put them straight when I told them all about the ‘mamaks’, the shopping malls, the clubbing, the food and the multi-racial culture we had.

While I was there in Australia, I didn’t just stay in Temora. Besides attending classes at Temora high school where I studied Biology, Advanced English, Math, Visual Arts, Geography and Drama, I got to travel quite a fair bit. I visited a town called Quandialla, which was located some 40 minutes away from Temora. Its population was less than a 100 people and they had only 4 shops in their whole town. It was interesting to live their kind of life for a good week, but I was really happy to be back in Temora, which then seemed like a huge town. I visited many other smaller towns and was amazed that there were people that actually lived in such small places. During my winter break, the Eaton’s took me to the Sunshine Coast, which was in Queensland. We drove there and I was fortunate to see breathtaking sunsets at Nembaka Heads, watch dolphins frolic at Port Macquirey, and a whole host of other things. The Sunshine Coast was wonderful with stretches of clean white sand and clear blue water. I spent many hours walking along the beach with my host brother or sitting on the beach alone whilst snacking on their delicious and famous fish and chips.
Image hosted by

During my spring break about 35 exchange students from all over the world, piled into a coach and set of for a 30-day safari. We went to many places in Australia, such as Melbourne, Adelaide, Alice Springs, and Copper Pedy. There were so many sights that we saw that it would be impossible to name them all. However, I remember the serene rainforest in Melby Gully where there were actually glow worms blinking like little fairy lights around us in the dark, the wonderful rock formations of the 12 Apostles and the London bridge along the Great Ocean Road, the magnificent birds eye view of Ayers Rock and the Olgas from a helicopter, the pristine moon that shone above us as we camped under the millions of stars in the desert, the dazzling opal mines that we saw in Cooper Pedy, and the smelly and surprisngly super fast camels that we rode on near the desert. It was a wonderful trip, one that I will not forget anytime soon.

It was not only the trips around Australia that created such a huge impact on me, there was other things such as my debutante ball that I attended. All the girls were dressed in immaculate gowns of white and the guys wore smart suits. We even had to learn a dance, which was called ‘The Pride of Aaron’. The girls had to walk around in a circle with their respective partners whilst the judges and guests looked on. I strangely felt like I was participating in a dog show though at the end of the night I had the time of my life dancing with all my friends and getting sloshed on bunderberhg rum and JD and coke. It was all so exciting the church fairs and street carnivals, abseiling and mountain climbing, canoeing and horse riding, volleyball tournaments (I actually won three medals) and line dancing, and the many barbeques and bonfires. At times I wish I had a video camera in my mind so that I could tape all this wonderful memories that I experienced, all the colours, the sights, the sounds and the smells.
Image hosted by
I have to be honest though, that when my one year was up and I had to leave, I wasn’t that upset. Not only my physical appearance (I had reddish black hair and was some 15 kilos heavier) had changed during that one year away but inside, I thought, spoke and felt differently. I was actually happy to go home as I missed my family and friends and I realized that there were so many things that I took for granted when I was back home and I was eager to start college and to get on with my life. That year away was like one long enjoyable holiday and as I think back I feel the pang of homesickness as I regard Temora as my second home. I plan to go back again soon to visit my family and friends and to once again be greeted by only miles and miles of flat brownish land tinged with slight greens here and there as far as the eye could see and the now distinguishable blobs of brown sheep.
Image hosted by
To help *Dream Weaver* visit Temora again
PLEASE donate to the
“Send *Dream Weaver* to Aussie Fund"
---> Your help is most appreciated <---

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

All In A Days Work!

I woke up today to bright sunshine, not the type that blinds your eyes but the type that makes everything seem nice and rosy. It seemed like the perfect day and well it sort of was. I got out of my house to see Mrs Blossom (my neighbour) crossing the road to have a peak at the Bomba people who were repainting and cleaning the water hydrant. There was also this Chinese dude in a white proton who was asking for directions... everything seemed so pleasant.
Image hosted by

I continued walking to the mainroad to get a cabbie to go to 1Utama and the Chinese dude in the white proton stopped some way from me and asked me directions. Wary of a would-be-could-be flasher, I stood some way aways. He showed me the address and explained his problem and then some other oldish Indian dude came along with his umbrella to see what the matter was. After I loaned the Chinese dude my hp and he got the person to tell him where exactly he was supposed to go, I continued on to the main road.
Met the oldish Indian guy along the way too and he asked me if I was going to work and the conversation continued from there. He is apparently working at the McD's call centre, how interesting I thought. It all seemed like some wonderful decent neighbourhood from some movie where everyone cared for each other and really bothered about their well-being and blah blah blah of course until someone mugs you, flashes you or snatches your bag - touch wood!!!

Image hosted by

While we were talking at the side of the main road, a couple of cabs passed me by and by the time the oldish Indian guy went off to work, there were no cabs in sight. I saw the bus 99 around and so decided to take the bus to 1Utama instead. After sweating alittle I reached Delicious and remembered that G and I was supposed to be there, but he was already in the states (Humbug! - though I did talk to him online twice already) so yeah, carry on I guess. I met Ariel there and I decided to treat myself with duck confit pasta. The meal plus ice water cost me RM25!!! Gawd! and it didn't taste quite as good as I remembered. Whilest we were still yakking, Dave joined us and we adjourned to the bowling alley where I played 2 appalling lousy games *tsk tsk* I need more practice but my bowling partners now here *sniff* I should stop mentioning and thinking about G and all the fun stuff we did.

After bowling, Dave and I watched "Cheaper By The Dozen 2" a feel good family movie/comedy which Dave insisted he was watching because I wanted too... *bleh bleh* After the movie, Dave went to his own thingy and I met the Possum and we walked around a bit and shared some delicious PeriChips and it was off home for me. We got into an arguement (big surprise there!) and he hasn't called since. Really dont' know what to do about that, but atleast I am trying which is more than I can say for some people. At home I just lost my mood thanks to him so my folks were pissy at me *bleh bleh* and it didn't help that I wanted to go out later that night with my girlfriends. I know they nag for a reason and that they care but I need my "own time" and don't need this from them at the moment.

Image hosted by

Anyways, Marina picked me up and we went to Secret Recipe and later Miss Lum joined us and we went to McDs. To sum up the whole night, it was a BLAST!!! One of the best nights I have had in awhile and definately this year *grin grin* We had so many laughs we were gasping for air at times and tearing here and there. I learnt though a very important piece of info from Miss Lum perhaps one of the 50 things I need to know in my lifetime -
"Paris Hiltons nipples are this big (indicates with finger about 2.5cm) and pointy. Its like damn huge!!!" - GASP!
Image hosted by
We were all traumatised and laughed super hysterically by that bit of news and I think we managed to scare the other patrons away *hehehe* On the way home, the three of us were in high spirits on the way and were still giggling outside my house. Really a night to remember. I wish I had a camera with me *smiles smiles* - Seriously you 2 if you are reading this, thanks for tonight. It was WOW!!! And YES... perhaps we should Shock Shake and Stir the others -
Not in THAT WAY though, thank you!!!
Image hosted by

I also met a guy called T and I have meeting him consistantly for about a month and two days in a row already and today when we (the girls and I) walked past he goes "We keep seeing each other, maybe its a sign for us to go out together." I can't remember what I did but I was amused! Miss Lum was like "Is that a pick up line!" LO LO LO - Ser!!! but then again he is quite hot... and I am just being mean *hehehe*

Anyways, its been a long day with so many pleasant and happy moments yet somewhere in my mind there is this dark cloud lingering and I am not sure how long it will be hovering around. I pray that it will go away or atleast be settled.

~* Perhaps a beautiful rainbow will follow suit... *~

Image hosted by

Sunday, January 01, 2006

The first 2006 day...

There is something really nice about going to church on the first day of the new year. My family and I went for 11.30am mass at SFX and it was nice. I lit my first candles of the new year. A silver one an a yellow one with flowers and leaves around its sides (it was square!). After that it was to my grannys place again and then we had lunch and then we all went home.

Originally Dave and I was supposed to go out but in the end the guys ended up going as well. We had a good meal at Chilis and I got my new 2006 pocket diary *grin grin* May it be filled with fun things to do and lovely memories in its pages.

So far its been a perfect day but I still have not recieved a call from 'you' and its sad... is this all we are worth? A part of me is so upset - the super emo side - but there is another part of me that really doesn't give a rats arse. Yet my day seems incomplete, but its a new year and I should be getting used to new things... I should have known better.

Image hosted by

The rain is falling outside. Its been raining for awhile now. My family is out and I feel strangely alone though I know my friends are all a phone call away. I am not feeling sorry for myself but I just wish this emptiness would go away. I think I need a nap now, I didn't have enough sleep today and am going to meet the guys later as well. I hope everyone had a wonderful first day of the new year!!! *hugs*

Late 2005 & Early 2006!

Image hosted by
Its 10.53pm at the moment, just an hour and a bit more to the glorious whole NEW YEAR2006!!! I am sitting at home with a glass of Kahlua on the rocks ('cos there was no more milk in the fridge) and am feeling... strange. I should be out partying, or dining or just being with my friends but so far today has been family oriented.

This morning the Possum and I went to see my grandma who isn't feeling well and my parents went to visit my uncle who is ill and in the ICU (Please pray for him!). Then I went out with my parents to have lunch and then to shop around the Curve, Ikea and Ekano. After that, we went for dinner at my cousins lovely house and where my nephew gave me Maple Story an online/computer game - can't wait to start!

Other than that, its been a rather uneventful day. I wanted to stay home and think about the year gone by and the things that I have done and failed to do and so on and so forth. But I decided that it was better that I go out before I drink myself silly with all the alcohol I realised is in my cabinet. Besides, spending more time with my folks ain't that bad after all, its actually quite fun and brings us closer... yet I find something missing in me, missing from all the celebrations. Its like so unfestive its not funny and its honestly quite depressing!

Image hosted by

Why, I ask myself a thousand times, is this year so so different - other than the rising cost of everything, the dire condition of my wallet, the way I am missing people close to me, my confusion about direction I am taking in life, my worries and frustrations - from the other years??? Why do I feel as if there is this veil of sadness and worry around me? There has to be something more, yet when I think about it, my life ain't that bad or empty, right?
Oh well... the Possum is here. We are going to watch fireworks now at Ekano. Hope the celebrations goes well!!!
Blessed Happy 2006 a brand New Yeareveryone!!!
Image hosted by
>Beautiful fireworks<
The fireworks were beautiful (ok, NOT as nice at the picsla but they were pretty darn good for Malaysia!). They boomed up into the night with such intensity and beauty that some part of me thought that if the world were to end it should end in such beauty... *hehe* So drama! but it was WOW! I love fireworks and the display at Ekano and 1U didn't disappoint! I wish that such beauty could be around more and could last for a longer period of time. Anyways, there were the lovely droplets of golden rain, splashes of red and green in the sky and drizzles of blue all around. I drank my vanilla vodka coke and was silently in awe of everything that was happening up there in the sky. The only things that sadly distracted and honestly spoilt this scene of beauty was the Possum who was cussing and shouting (he was high) and the smell of brake pads. Other than that, everything was perfect.
Image hosted by
After the fireworks, the Possum and I went to Friendster where we had some white wine and where we made plans to go to Asian Heritage Row. I should have stayed at Friendster but I didn't - idiot me! - and well I guess to sum it all up I apologise to the cars that we overtook, the ppl that nearly got hit and the ppl that cut out just in the nick of time. I had a horrible night and a horrible start to my new year - BIG surprise there! but atleast I am still alive and breathin!
But I am not going to let this get me down and I think its time that I start thinking about myself (thanks E.Ian for the long convo on MSN) and what I believe in. I hate feeling afriad. I hate
being "too emotionally weak and too dependent on romantic notions" as Dave puts it - which is quite true. I hate myself for giving people more chances than they deserve. I hate myself for being too weak and for being a doormat on choice occasions. And so to this is the end or rather this is the begininng where I try to change myself for the better... not for anyone else, but for myself. Its going to be tough - what isn't - but I guess I have to find it in me!
Image hosted by
The time is 2.41am the 1st of January 2005 and I am in between emotions. One part is ready to cast of the old ME and the other remaining part wants to hold on dearly to the things that are familliar and routine-ish. But I dont' think I can do it anymore. As a friend of mine told me just minutes ago "i always think u should be someone that will lift you up... in all things" and I think I need to find people like these. I don't know about the Possum and I, and about our relationship... perhaps its time to let things go their own true way eventhough its hard and in my heart I am hoping that things may change in time *wishful thinking me*.
On one hand I love him till my heart aches and on the other hand, I dont' think he knows me true and true and I think our directions are leading us on different paths. I also don't think he respects me enough. Its easy to say all this but its hard to really think about the consequences and what the outcome would be like *sigh* What happened to the days of passing notes in class and holding hands under the tables??? - such lovley days!
I am scared... but when I think about all that I have done and have yet to do, I feel this sense of pride that I have never felt before. Arrogance? Perhaps. But I doubt so. All the achievements I have made this year has been becuase of initiative and sheer hard work and tears and for once in my life I have exceeded my
"New Years Resolutions 2005"
*Hoorah Hoorah*
Image hosted by
I think I have rambled on long enough... Yahoo Games Pile Up is waiting for me *hehehe* and so is my bed. I would like to take this oppotunity to thank those lovely people who have heard me whine and whinge through everything this year, the people who have been patient to listen to me and be judgemental, who have given me chances, who have been there with encouragement and honesty when I needed it, who have leant their shoulders for me to weep or laugh on, who have loaned me money and spent me lunches, teas and dinners with the hope of no repayment, who have picked me up and sent me home countless times, for those that have uplifted me, made me smile and told me a thousand times how wonderful I was and how much I meant to them. These are the people that have given 2005 dimension and colour *hugs* May 2006 be better, be filled with more happiness, joy that bubbles from within, laughter, fun, thoughtfulness, compassion for others, wisdom to make the right decisions in life, patience, faith, hope, kindness and above all else, love.
Image hosted by
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...