Wednesday, June 29, 2005
This contemporary shitty retelling of H.G. Wells’s seminal classic, the sci-fi adventure thriller reveals the extraordinary battle for the future of humankind through the eyes of one American family fighting to survive it. What they don't mention is the amount of shrill screaming of Rachael -(Dakota Fanning) who is incidentally has claustraphobia and needs her own "space" - in the movie and the stupid antics of the people like standing still staring at the alien tripods for a good 10 seconds before thinking... "oh, I should run now!" You just feel like shouting at them to get a move on but obviously they don't. Then there is the aimless people running around and more running around (like sheep on speed), more wailing and shouting and Tom screaming at Dakota to shut up.
Seriously a let down. Sigh... a waste of a good two hours of prime time. Could have stayed home and read a nice book curled up under my covers. Stupid Stupid Stupid movie!!!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Years later, I find myself thinking of the younger me there in that awful place, lonely, and feeling as if the world was coming to an end. Don't be dramatic you tell me... Well the doctors said it was a 50-50 chance that I would be coming out of there alive... so I had the right to be disturbed. My family was going nuts with worry and they were so upset and my bf then, was the pillar of strength at my side, I don't know how I would have gone through it without him, but then again... I might have done it just fine (we didn't work out in the end because I had changed too much after this incident!). The younger me then was strangely alright and accepting for everthing that was going on around her and she later bounced back on her feet and everything then seemed like a bad dream.
As I sit here now, my nails clicking on the keyboard, sipping ice cream soda, I can't help but think back of the girl that I once was. The past few days have unruffled me and left me feeling slightly lost but not in manner of how truly lost I felt before, but lost nonetheless. The problems I faced then and now have differed so greatly and I can see some sort of progression in myself. I no longer am in denial and I know who I am and love myself for it. I might not fully know myself, but I more or less get the gist of "me".
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
I am silently sitting here with a thousand thoughts flying around in my head bumping into one another and making silent explosions which confuse me, shock me and at times makes me pause to rethink my thoughts, to try to make some sense of everything that is happening. To go back to point A and work my way through this maze and end up with some kind of a solution, is tedious as I don't know where point A really is. I want to make things right this time. I want to do things with a smile on my face knowing that I did it right this time... but its difficult just like it always is.
My foundations are shaky and my room is still in a mess. Reorganising my life is no easy task. Discard and keep... Discard and keep. Piles upon piles of things are scattered in my mind and on my floor. So many memories are taken out to be aired and to be remembered. Some taken out to be smiled upon, some to be frowned upon and even some to be cried over and to be laughed over and then to be stored up again in some place where no one will ever know. Then there are those things that just don't add up. That hang by lose threads.
There are the friends that you need but was never there, perhaps they had something more important to do. Then there are the friends that tell you that you are their world, their best friend and the whole shebang and yet they laugh at you and ridicule you and just treat you bad. And of course there are those that pretend to be your friend so that they can borrow your homework and assignments and use them without risking their brain cells and then there are also those friends that you hold on to for dear life only to realize that they left a long time ago.
I am scared and lonely. My heart is shaky and tears well up behind my eyes. I try to keep them there behind the barricades, but its hard. Friends from my past have come up to me and said that I have changed - more anal, more boring, that suddenly I am not that girl that they knew. Everyone is taking weed they say - its no big deal. Everyone is binge drinking - its no big deal. And the list goes on about what 'everyone is doing' except me. But I am not the least bit bothered because for once in my life I know that this is who I am.
*DreamWeaver* - slightly strange, loves to scrapbook and read, loves to listen to music and have long chats with friends and am overall simple. There are times when I contradict myself and there are times when I do things that shock people and myself but they are done because there was sometimes no choice and sometimes done at the spur of the moment but all in all I have no regrets. I don't need to try weed to see and feel what others do. I do not need to binge drink and wake up not knowing where I am. I don't need to pretend to be someone I am not because I for once know who I am. I can cry when I want to, laugh when I want to and be anything I want to be... if God is willing and if I try my very best.
I am sad and lonely because there are so many people that do not understand, but honestly I don't think I need them to understand. Starting out on ones journey is never easy and I may fall along the way perhaps tomorrow, but I know that as long as I know roughly who I am and I am happy inside, then things will be okay. Its sad that when you grow up you leave behind so manyh pieces of yourself with people and I only hope that they can return me all the pieces of who I was, all that I taught them, all the hope I gave them so that I can remember better who I was and all I stood for before... But its impossible.
Its just me rambling on and on again as awlays. But I know that this time round... somethings have to change. I can't live like this anymore and I don't think I want to.
Friday, June 10, 2005
*Phew* Finally, my assignments and things have been completed for this semester. Feels like a huge arse burden has been lifted off my shoulders *AMEN*. Sure I have a couple more things to get done, but then I am just so glad that the USQ shite has been done already. Whoops! There's more work to do for FACES before the end of the week though for today I am just gonna have a nice time wacthing movies, reading my books and looking for my tortoise which has disappeared again... He has taken to crawling about the house, the little rascal.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Many different circumstances may serve as a prunig knife in the hands of the Master Vinedresser. It may be the rejecting gesture, the unkind word, or no word as all. It could be the frustration of living in a constant state of noice and ocnfusion, with daily duties and no chance to find a quiet place to call our own. Or it might be waiting for God to intervene when everything seems hopeless and we have no friends to help us.
But the pruning knife is guided by a loving set of hands. The Master Vinedresser knows what we can take, and He knows what we can become - more loving, joyful, tranquil, tolerant, kind, dependable, gentle, poised - stronger and better than we are today. We must not shrink from the knife but trust the hand that holds it. Our Father in Heaven has a purpose - to produce good fruit in us. - David Roper
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
As Neeky says "oh....you could say....this is what reminds me of temora....alcohol...good friends...and a pole"... I will add and say, nights at the Westie, JD in a can, Bundeburg Rum and sheep sheds... *grin* Can't wait to return and not only eat the awesome food they have over there but to see my lovely mates over there. Neeky, Liz, Mark, Kylie, Sah, Dane and all my other friends... (if they are still around and if they remember me!)