Happy New Year

Highly intoxicated that was I. Blubbering fool and waterworks worker was I. Drinks are bad and I should have known better. Saw it in your eyes that you didn't care and just like a revisitation of the past I sat and cried at what was once and is no longer. No matter how one tries to recreate the past into the future it never works, you can never blend certain things together. What was once my fantasies now have come true but have horrile chain reactions and some part of me regrets faintly what I have done yet the rest of me is happy that its over and done with. Ahhh... the murmurings of me... as always I confuse people sometimes with what I say and I sway people with the innocent looks I sometimes have but please try and see me as I really am and feel sorry for me this person whom I have become. Locked away behind doors that not many enter and those who do seldom stay, I have become comfortable and happy where I always am and always be, that girl with many many friends but who is infact all alone and empty, needing yet fulfilled in some strange unsettling way.

The pass year was wonderfully crazy upsetting and delightful at the same time. Not many people have all their New Years Resolutions done you know. I got all of mine down right down to a T and then some. But yet there is this restlessness in me that yearns for more. More more more... and here I am still empty. The blessed few see that emptiness and know about it but none can help me. I think this is something everyone goes through, a war that one fights alone and comesup victorious with a glint in their eye, perhaps a few bruises here and there and of course that scars that sometimes fade away with time. I am grateful though for those friends who have been with me through all the changes and ups and downs you know who you are, names only tend to instill jealousy and pressure.

Here I am talking like some bitter person... ahh but that is who I am in some ways. The little girl who dreams of happy endings, fairy tales and the like and yet here in me is also is this totally spoilt person... spoilt but what life has thrown on me. I still love my dose of fairy tales and the like yet at the same time I know when there are happy endings and when there are none. Maybe I am not spoilt... just changed... just different...
Happy New Year...