~ Happy Blessed Christmas ~

Happy Blessed Christmas everyone.
My Christmas was quiet and nothing spectacular or grand,

just a time with close friends, loved ones and family.

Got some great presents some of which include my Princess hair dryer (finally I have a hair drier), box set LOTR DVDs, a Winnie the pooh calendar, an Eeyore pillow and torchlight, Mary Jane Crocs, super comfy and cute La Senza PJs and knickers, a Lancome juicy tubes charm bracelet, body shop Satsuma products and Ferrero Rocher chocolates, jewelry, a super groovy calender and some cash.
More than I expected really, and for that

I am thankful and count myself blessed .



Besides that, I am thankful for a short exchange of words with an old friend which brought tears to my eyes. She might never ever read this. She might never know the impact she has made in my life nor the strength and power of her words… yet I thank her for everything that she has done for me and for giving one of the best Christmas presents ever.

A gift that could never have been bought

but one which was given freely without reserve.

Let us also not forget the reason for the season, the birth of Jesus and the spirit of giving and sharing. Let us also pray for those in the war torn countries, famine riddled lands, flooded areas and places destroyed by natural calamities. Let us pray for those not as fortunate, those who have lost everything, who have lost their loved ones and for those who hungry, tired, injured, sick and dying. May they find comfort in their hearts and peace in their lives and may they receive help and hope in times of darkness and sadness.

Thanks everyone for making this a wonderful Christmas.
I am truly blessed.

A long month...

It has been exactly a month since I really wrote anything.
A very long month to be exact.

Am on holiday at the moment…
I have been looking forward to this holiday since I applied for it way back in September.
But now that its here, I don’t quite know what to do. All my grand plans aren’t so “grand” anymore and I feel strangely lost without work (I think I am just going insane)... Or maybe it’s just that I dread going back to work and facing the stacks of work that I know will be there waiting for me in neat piles on my desk *shivers*

It’s been a tiring month.
A month that has gone by so very quickly.

Having had so much time on my hands these past couple of days I had the opportunity to look back and I realized that unlike the previous years when I accomplished pretty much all that I set out to do for the year, 2006 has been disappointingly empty on one hand and surprisingly full on the other hand. Yes a big paradox if I ever saw one… but that’s how I feel. Perhaps the lack of having any expectations this year has resulted in this empty feeling… the feeling of not having achieved anything… then on the other hand I think I have achieved some things… some things which I never thought I would.

Like breaking away from old things and moving on to newer things, taking a stand for what I believe and doing things which I never thought I could possibly do.
As I said in one of my earlier posts, nothing monumental has happened in my life that will be recorded in history books, but that one change has impacted so many facets of my life. I never thought it would be this “life changing” but it has been as such and my God’s grace, things have been flowing smoothly along.

My last post saw me feeling shitty about work but in some ways I have accepted this sad and sordid fact that work will always be shitty! Been staying back late the past couple of days before my leave to ensure that everything will go smoothly when I am gone, the only rewarding things from this is knowing that I did my best, going on holiday with a peaceful mind and having an SMS from your boss saying thank you for my co-operation and hard work.

For work next year, the outlook looks promising and even if it is not I will try to make it great. I can’t think of changing jobs just yet and perhaps in some strange way I feel I belong at my current place. Sure there are shitty ass times, but I guess every place will have their share of shittiness (please excuse my language). So I guess you grow in patience when you are faced with this unpleasantness and I guess in all instances you do get to learn new things i.e. how to control your hand when it itches to send out a mighty slap to the person right in front of you.

Well enough about work.

Let me tell you about my glorious time at home.
This holidays I have been sleeping late, watching DVDs, going out and reading.
Feels a little like the old days when I was still a student and freelancing… yet somehow though I tried to emmulate the days that have gone by, I realised that things can never be the same again and no matter how hard I try that phase in my life has gone. I feel sad as I type this out but I guess truths hurt but are necessary in life.

Don’t quite know where I am going with this post…
Just felt like writing all of a sudden.
Anyways, in case I don’t have time to write anymore till much later, Happy Holidays, Happy Christmas and a blessed year ahead.

~*~*~*~

Happy Bits

~ Happy Bits ~

* Finally graduating
* Marina is coming back for Christmas
* Reciving a surprise SMS from Philip
* Hearing news that one of my good friends got engaged
~ CONGRATS again!
* Getting my annual Christmas card from Jody
* Getting a surprise treat from my dad
* Going to Singpore with my whole family
* Sharing happy moments with the people I care about
* Finding so many arts and crafts stuff
* Decorating my cubicle at work with Sunshine (and won a prize)
* Watching movies and reading books
* The office trip to Genting
* Winning a TopShop contest
* Holidays with Sunshine
* Finding and reciving Eeyore stuff
* Silly chats with my colleagues
* Doing well for my first presentation
* Chilling out with my bro, Pauline and Sunshine
* Calls from you
* Times spent with my family

* Running in the rain with Sunshine
* Being cheered up on ugly fatty days
* Snuggles under the comforter
* Massages and hot showers

~*~*~*~

New Beginnings!

Guess what?

I finally graduated!

~*~*~*~

It is an end to all my years as a student.

18 YEARS of tears, excuses to why I didn't do my homework,

running to catch the bus, canteen food, idiotic teachers, laughs, fights,

shcool bags, textbooks,exercise books, chalk, school songs,

priciples, exams, uniforms, pendidikan jasmani, gross toilets and etc.

I feel sad and melancholy and yet relieved that it is over.

So Cheers to me and to

New Beginnings *grin*

F#%k work!!!

I don't feel too well - am on MC today.

*sniff sniff sniff*

Yet there is a pile of crappy work to do - (I should be doing it now but the internet is such a persuasive tool. I can't seem to stop clicking other websites) - work which is just dumb and repetitive, stupid and annoying and boring...

-_-

I want to snuggle under my clean comforters and hug my pillows to sleep.

*_*

I don't want to go to work again tomorrow because it's going to be another painful nine hours watching the clock, reading the papers, LLB-ing, visiting the loo, stuffing my face with food, walking to the water dispenser, wishing you would call and wishing that time would pass by ~ How very tiring!

I don't feel well, did I tell you?

I think I need more Sunshine and vitamins...

I most definitely need to get back to work.

F#%k work!

Happiest People

The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems,
But those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.

The lingering dusk…

While media monitoring one day, I came upon this page in The Malay Mail which accepted travel photos and the top four pics of the month got prizes. The prizes were nothing great or grand, but I just decided to send in a photo which I took in Langkawi and well what do you know, it came out the following week.

I was of course super happy *grin grin* and was even happier when this week they announced the winners for October and I got 2nd place! *hoorah hoorah*

So here is the winning photo.

The lingering dusk…
A reminder of God’s magnificence and awesome majesty…
An absolutely brilliant sunset...

~ 3 Days of Bliss ~

I know that it has been awhile since I got back from my Langkawi trip... Sometimes it just feels like yesterday that I boarded the plane and headed out for the much longed for and anticipated holiday.

Anyways, since I seem to have a bit of free time this week, I decided to post up some of the pics I took during that 3 days of absolute bliss (minus the incident where I found a bug in the bed!)

The hotel where I stayed in had a, thankfully, really lovely beach. This was taken when I was lying in the sunshine without my sunscreen and subsequently burnt my legs.

Absolute Paradise!

Langkawi would be incomplete without and potent intoxicating

Island Affair *grin grin*

Ahhh... the amazing and simple pleasures of having a

Black Russian on the beach with the wind in your hair.

BLISS...

~ For those who are interested in viewing more pics, do inform me. Somehow they seem nicer on my pc and on print. *Happy Weekend*

52 lunch-time ?'s

Coming back to work after such lovely holidays is just WRONG and SICK! Why don't they just give us the whole week off??? Anyways, since I have been LLB-ing for most of the morning, I thought that I should do a short post... it's a survey and I am bored and though I have several things to write about, I just don't quite feel like it... and since Sunshine did not rescue me for lunches, here is a survey of "52 lunch-time ?'s" instead of my lunch time rantings.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
~ Sunshine

2. At what time do you go to sleep?
~ 12 – 12.30am (or I try to at least)…

3. How many times have you spoken French?
~ Very very few times… ain’t good with languages

4. Have you ever drunk milk straight out of thecarton?
~ Yes *guilty sheepish smile…

5. Have you ever won a spelling bee?
~ Haven’t joined one before and even if I did, I doubt I would win. My spelling sucks!

7. How fast can you type?
~ Quite fast. Typer Shark helps hone your skills!

8. Are you afraid of the dark?
~ Sometimes I am but most times I find comfort in it.

9. Eye color?
~ Light-dark-ish brown.

11. The worst ex you’ve had?
~ I don’t have a bad ex… they were all just different.

12. Do you knock on wood
?~ Sometimes I do… hehehe…

13. Are you drinking anything right now?
~ Water from my Eeyore mug which Possum bought from Singapore.

15. Can you hoola hoop?
~ NO *sob sob…

16. Are you good at keeping secrets?
~ Yes…

17. What do you want for Christmas?
~ Peace in the world and in our lives, contentment, an end to world poverty, no global warming, happiness, success and financial freedom (too much to ask for?)

18. Do you know the Muffin Man?
~ Yes… he lives a few doors away from me. Need his contact details?

19. Do you talk in your sleep?
~ I don’t think so… no one has complained so far.

20. Who wrote the book of love?
~ Everyone writes their own book of love… Wanna read mine?

21. Have you ever flown a kite?
~ Yes. It didn’t go very high though…

23. Do you consider yourself successful?
~ Not just yet…

24. How many people are on your contact list ofyour cell?
~ Quite a fair number.

25. Have you ever asked for a pony?
~ Yes… several My Little Ponies.

26. Plans for tomorrow?
~ Work Work Work… *BIG sigh… but I guess its okay cos its Friday and that means the weekend is coming and I have a long weekend… *BIG smile

28. Missing someone now?
~ Yes *sniff sniff… no one to save me today for lunches…

31. How are you feeling today?
~ Very Bored… having after-the-holidays-I-feel-sad-I-am-back-to-work-syndrome but at least its Thursday so 1 and a half more days to go before the LONG weekend for me!

32. Are you happy?
~ No like crazily happy but I am happy... it would be better if I had more Sunshine *wink wink*

33. Have you ever been suspended or expelledfrom school?~ Nearly…34. What are you looking forward to?
~ The LONG weekend!!!

34. Have you ever crawled through a window?
~ I think so…

35. Have you ever eaten dog food?
~ NO! I am not THAT mental.

36. Can you handle the truth?
~ Yes, though it might hurt. I prefer to know the truth than to not know it.

37. Do you like green eggs and ham?
~ Uh huh! Yes! They taste superb.

38. What 3 things you always bring with you to places?
~ Handphone, purse, tissue4

39. Do you like or have a crush on anyone rightnow?
~ Yes.

40. How many kids do you plan to have?
~ About 3???

41. What do you do when no one is watching?
~ Dance.

42. Do you talk to yourself?
~ All the time. (just ignore me if it freaks you out...)

43. Is there something you want that you can'thave?
~ Yes… sadly. Who doesn’t?

44.Three physical features of the opposite sex thatyou first notice?
~ hair, smile, body.

45.Who are you thinking about right now?
~ Sunshine.

46. Who did you last hug?
~ Sunshine.

47. Where is your phone?
~ My office phone is on my left and my handphone is on my right.

48. What was the last thing you ate?
~ Muruku and chocolate cake (I have to restart my diet).

49. What do you want to do?
~ Go home, have a shower, watch tv or read, bask under the Sunshine, eat and sleep.

50. Would you ever date anyone on your friendslist?
~ Yes…

51. What TV Show do you watch?
~ Almost all kinds.

52. What is your cell num?
~ 012 2159801 (call me?)

A Saturday Evening...

Hey loyal readers... It's a Saturday evening... (yay, its the weekend!) sorry for the influx of posts... these were written and saved as drafts and I have finally got the time and the mood to upload them and tweak them where it is necessary.



For those of you who are wondering how I am, I am good.
Things are going well for me.
I am getting better in the art of LLB-ing and work has been alright.
I haven't lost any weight though I have started gymming... but I dont really care - OK I am lying... hehehe... but anyways, I feel much livelier and healthier since I started gymming though the haze is just pulling me down and is super nasty! *bleh

Well, as I said things are going well for me at the moment...
Been catching up with my reading, DVDs and sleeping (though its quite troubled sleep most often) and have had the time to start dreaming about my 'One Days' again and positive steps are being taken even as I type to make these 'One Days' a reality.
I am so looking forward to the holidays as I have some dust animals (they came back) to catch and tons of things to arrange. Any helpers???



Till my next post...
I bid thee adieu.
Take care and God bless & Angels watch over you always.

Gymming Jo!!!

I used to say that I would NEVER join a gym…
well I guess I should eat my words…
because I joined a gym!!!

0_O

Let me explain. A guy came up to me and my colleague Deb and asked if we wanted to buy this promo gym membership for RM25. we could use the facilities of Fitness First for a month and had some other freebies thrown in. I don’t know why I bought the one month membership for Sun and I.

Perhaps I decided that maybe it was high time I did something about said escalating weight, perhaps I felt guilty for eating a chocolate Cornetto drumstick or maybe I just felt the urge to spend some money… or maybe it was a moment of temporary insanity...
so anyways, I kept this membership for awhile though I finally used it.

And... honestly, it was interesting to go to the gym and join the classes with other gym veterans. - FYI: Once upon a time I did join a gym (if you can call it that) in Uptown called ‘Body Beautiful’ but I didn’t go much and then eventually one day, it closed down - I nearly tripped and fell several times (no surprise there!) and was lost during some of their routines and I KNOW I looked silly doing some of the moves as my unflexible bulk tried twisting and turning in some kind of strange jumping pretzel = STRESS!!!

I honestly had fun doing Body Combat and Body Balancing and though my body ached for awhile, I felt great! Its strange but I never thought I would go to a gym much less buy one of those lycra type pants… but I did.

I bought a pair of lycra pants
and I went to gym on a Sunday afternoon
or almost 3 hours of working out!

What is wrong with me???

My parents are supportive of this endeavor though of course they are as I bet they don’t want to see their only daughter deteriorate into a super fat slob!!!

So there you have it.
I am now a gym person.
(or will be for about a months time)

~ Many thanks to Annie and BryBry for the support and
making my time there less painful embarrassing and more fun.

* I am even considering joining it full time.
Though there are a lot of * terms and conditions attached to this sentence.
*grin grin*

I Still...

I don’t know why but even though I have a full life...
at times
I still feel alone…
~...~...~...~

Jo's 6 TIPS for the office!

Jo's 6 TIPS for the office.

1.) If you are the giggly sort (which I am), NEVER open jokes and read them whilst chewing on your fried rice. It is potentially dangerous to you and monitor. *NOTE: Have wet wipes always on hand for any minor accidents such as bits of rice spewing on your monitor or keyboard.

2.) I have found that if you don’t want to talk to people or be forced to work during your precious one hour of lunch, the only SAFE place is the toilet which will now be your sanctuary! Be prepared with extra toilet paper, food in bag, water in a Tupperware, reading materials, your MP3 player and of course an air freshener. *In case someone knocks on the door of your temporary sanctuary; speak in a raspy voice and tell them you are not feeling well but will be okay soon and continue reading your book and eating your packed lunch.

3.) If you find that someone has nicked your MILO from the fridge, remember to label your drinks the next time and insert the said drink in a plastic bag with your name on it. Then tie the plastic bag to a piece of string and tie the other end to your finger. You will now know which little/big arse is stealing said MILO the next bloody time. *NOTE: If the thread gets lost or falls off and the MILO is gone, wait till everyone leaves and check their bins to see who the little/big arse is.

4.) If your boss tells you one thing and someone else tells you something else, don’t complain or moan about it as it looks as if you are incompetent in your job, so instead vent it out on your blog and scream into your hanky/towel in the toilet which has now become your private sanctuary. *NOTE: Pick a thick hanky, preferably one which is fluffy and soft and scented (if possible) so that you don't damage your lips or skin whilst venting into the hanky/towel.

5.) If you want to read other peoples blogs during your precious lunch hour and if you happen to stumble upon and entry which has you as subject matter, think carefully if you should read it or wait to go home and then read it in the confines of your other sanctuary (which is nicer, cleaner, more comfy and etc.). If curiosity gets the better of you and you can’t resist, read it and prepare tissues in hand for any unexpected waterworks. *SPONGY: Thanks for the entry which was written some months ago... the tissues came in handy.

6.) If in any given case of unexpected waterworks starts occurring outside of any appointed sanctuary, fake a cold and start coughing and wheezing violently and run for the nearest sanctuary with your head down whilst continuing the violent coughing and wheezing. If the waterworks don’t cease… pinch yourself really hard so you have something else to think about other than the hurt, pain and etc. *For those requiring violent coughing and wheezing lessons, do drop me an email or msg. If you are lucky, you might even be lucky to get sent home by the boss in case you infect the others in the office with your strange disease!

At the Office Loo

Some things I hate when I go to the loo at office is

the absence of toilet paper...

and when there is a roll of nice toilet paper,

it is the cheap kind that sticks to your bum

*sigh sigh sigh*

and (drumroll please)

the worst thing I hate is

when you are sitting on the throne doing whatever it is you are doing

and someone turns off the light.

GAH!!! Pitch black! Darkness!

and (double drumroll please)

the absolutely worst shittiest thing would be if...

you were on the throne

and they turned off the lights

and you have cheap tissue stuck on your bum!!!

GAH!!! Pitch black! Darkness!

and Tissues on your BUM!!!

~ fumbles and grumbles in the dark ~

*sigh sigh sigh*

I hate when this happens in the office loo...

or any loo for that matter... Bummer!

Routines...

Each and everyday seems like a routine at times:
~ Every morning there is the wake up call from Sunshine (good stuff).

~The walk to get the transport to work – sometimes its good when I get to see my neighbors, when there is nice weather and I don’t need to rush to work
~The ride to work – sometimes its good when there I no traffic and the cabbie man doesn’t swindle me by charging me super exorbitant prices for my ride
~The media monitoring in office (1/4 good stuff, ¾ bad) – I hate the parts where I read about all the sadness in the world and the horrible crimes and sufferings. It starts your day just really wrong!!! Though on the brighter side of things, the comics and silly stories do put a temporary smile on your face.
~The sometimes surprise lunches and online lunches with Sunshine (very good stuff) – a breath of fresh air on an otherwise draggy day.
~The 5 minutes before work ends (good stuff) ‘cos you know that you will be going home soon.
~The ride home from work with Sunshine (good stuff) – ‘cos you are going HOME!!!

So sometimes there are variations here and there but mostly same old stuff…
And as I type this post during my lunch, I somehow wish that Sunshine was online or something because my heart is hurting for some sad reason… and I just feel like cutting it out…
Oh well… sorry so morbid…
I am not all that sad… only 4 hours and 35 mins before I got HOME!

suddenly...

My friends mum passed away today…
Suddenly acne and weight gain, losing hair

and wondering about what to eat just doesn’t seem so important anymore…
Suddenly all the mundane mumblings and groanings

I once had just sounds silly to my ears…
Suddenly promotions, deadlines and assignments don’t matter anymore…
Suddenly everything I thought was important and “essential” isn’t quite so…
Suddenly all I want to do is run home

and hug my parents and brother and tell them I love them…
Suddenly I just want to call all my friends

and say how much they mean to me and how I value their friendship…
It’s just sad that it takes things like this to put life into perspective.

Under The Chubbyhole!

So finally the weekend is here and I am sitting underneath this staircase (think shoe-cupboardish-Harry-Potter-like-chubbyhole) in Sunshine's house and actually wishing I had this little alcove in my home where I could hide away and just potter around doing my arts and crafts, reading or just writing. It would be just lovely...

There would be wooden booksheleves filled with my coffeetable books (my mum refuses to put any of my coffeebooks on the coffee table as she says that no one would actually bother to read em which actually is quite right - the people who frequent my home prefer to plonk down infront of the telly watching brainless crap all day!), my lovely but limited hardcovered books, my doggy-eared slightly old books from my childhood, the books (all pristine btw) that have kept me company from then till now, loads of craft and fashion magazines, my old comics and the new books with their unmistakable "new book" smells and of course the various text books that I have come to love (yes I am a slight freak).



Of course there would be my lovely desk top, my various knick-knacks, soft but not too soft pillows, a throw rug or two on the floor, an awesome surround sound system, a uber comfy chair (which can be used for my sessions in front of the computer or for when I would like to just sit and read and enjoy a glass of iced tea. How could I forget also the table (where I will be doing my arts and crafts) and storage space to fit all my arts and crafts stuff (I have this book which shows you how to store your stuff more effectively).

Hmm... ok... looking back at said requirements, I guess all this stuff can't possibly fit under the shoe-cupboardish-Harry-Potter-like-chubbyhole. *Tsk Tsk* I guess I would need a bigger room (sponsors anyone?) ... Anyways moving along from thinking that all my stuff could fit under the chubbyhole thingy.........

In the morning, I woke up super early - I usually don't even wake up this early on normal days to go to work - and had to go to my companies designer to meet with a client (not my client) and to get some work done. Was helping out some other colleague of mine and was questioning my sanity in doing so. But everything went well and it's good to know that you helped several people out. A friend told me that you should try and do as much as you can for others in the hope that they would do the same in their lives. His logic is that if everyone were to help everyone else and not expect anything in return, the world would be a much better place to live in. Sounds like something I would have come up with, right? (talk about freaky to find someone who talks like me... but it's great to know that I am not alone anymore in my quest to save the world and make it a better place)



So here I am at 11.38am typing away when I usually would be sound asleep under the comforters dreaming of happy things. Saturday stretches before me and once more I understand why people wakeup early on weekends. It seems that I could be jolly doing anything I wanted and still have time. In awhile I will going to do some scouting around for business opportunities and hopefully this little trip I will be taking will be fruitful. I expect to be drenched in sweat, but all of a good cause - more on this later! After that its off to Bangsar for a little session with the girls over cakes and coffee... yum yums...

This will be followed with perhaps a walk in the park, dinner and a marathon of "Prison Break" which I am currenly watching. I hope I don't fall asleep though. Hmmm... I don't even know why I am blogging on a Saturday but I glad I am. I will end this little entry with a wish that everyone have a wonderful weekend and may this weekend be filled with little pleasant surprises... the ones that make you smile and lightens the heart.



I am off to see the world and to take one step closer to my "one days"...
Wish me luck...

Little Things

Life is a great bundle of little things." -Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)

The past couple of days have been normal. Nothing much has happened…
I thought that I would be wreck after the ‘emotional drama’ that occurred previously but the tears are few if any. At times it seems as the incident happened so very long ago and not just in a span of a few days/weeks. I tried calling the Possum to just talk but he refuses to pick up the call. I don’t blame him for that yet in many small ways as I have already expressed, I miss him.

Work has been alright. Have been assigned to do some copywriting on top of my PR stuff which is fine by me though a pay raise, job appreciation and more interesting topics could be a much needed bonus ~ alas, its just wishful thinking once more! I do notice though that I am getting more ac-freaking-ne, my hair is falling and am putting on weight at an alarming rate though I eat less, have cut down so much on alco, chocs and all things nice. I wake up early every morning (ok ok… I sleep in sometimes during the weekend), have 3 main meals a day, cut away supper, snack less (these days its just raisins and nuts – I sound like a squirrel) and still I AM LIKE THIS!!! *tsk tsk*

Previously before working, I was a total bum who slept at 6am and woke up at 2pm. Snacked every other hour on really yummy indulging foods, did not eat breakfast and watched TV and sat on my bum like almost the whole entire day and I was thinner and had so much better skin and had relatively healthy glossy hair. *sigh sigh sigh* I am trying to go on a diet and have taken to walking up instead of taking a lift to the office. 3-4 times a week I will be going to the park/Kiara Hill for a spot of outdoor cum sporty activities. If that still does not work I will be going to the doctors because it is unnatural for me to be in this predicament. I am worried about this and my mum is starting to freak out as well. *fingers crossed that I will lose some weight and that my face will return to its former loveliness-acne less*

Other than that, I might be starting some small business. Doing what you ask… well I can’t tell you yet… perhaps soon when I get things finalized properly and some steps are taken to unsure that there the plan is underway. Have also thought about going back to studying part time via distance learning for my Masters in Public Relations but after looking around I realize that its super expensive (RM45-52,000.00) and would be too taxing for me. So I guess I will be investing instead in reading materials and wade through the net for information.

Before I forget, I would like to thank once again all those people who have been there for me during the confusing and sometimes heart wrenching moments when I had to make “the decision to leave”, for the kinds words left on the tag board, the comments, the SMS’s and the calls. For the other close friends I had who never knew of this stage in my life and who just let me go through it alone, on one hand I hurt knowing that you did nothing to console me but on the other hand I guess you all had your own things in life to deal with… I just wanted to say that if you should ever need me I will always be here still and the hurts are forgiven and the slate wiped cleaned again.

(On with my train of thoughts…) Suddenly these days I am filled with all kinds of ideas and all kinds of dreams that I want fulfilled. Suddenly there is a reason to go to work and to do the best that I can. Suddenly I look forward to sleeping at night and waking up in the mornings. Suddenly I love the weekends and every spare moment I can find. I feel like there is just not enough time these days and though I am tired I find myself staying up to read more and more of the books I love or doing the things that I enjoy.

Why this sudden change? Well for one I would like to say a big ‘thank you’ to Sunshine who has helped me try and live life and for the excessive inspiration which he is only too willing to share with me and for the ways in which he has honestly, brightened up my days. Every day seems more fulfilling, life seems more alive and dreams more attainable. I am not a completely “new” person since I met him, but I can say that I am a much happier person. I still have my insecurities and negatives lurking around in me somewhere but at the moment, they hardly dare to surface.

There are so many things I want to write about… thoughts that happen to flit through my mind, things that are bothering me, my passions, my observations and the like. But such is the life that I lead now that I don’t have the time to sit in one place for too long to write and when I do have the time. The words don’t really come out the way I want them too. Perhaps in time, you will all get to read the things I really want to write about. I guess I need much better time management to facilitate this (am working on it).

Anyways I should be off now… lunches is almost over. Missing so many of you and wishing that we could meet up soon, but in the mean time *hugs hugs* Have a wonderful remaining week ahead.

P.S: Yes, Life is a great bundle of little things and I can’t wait to unwrap each of these little things *smiles smiles*

I am sorry.

I want to turn back and run back to you...

but I can't...

I am sorry.

I am sorry for breaking your heart...

For giving up... for leaving you this way...

I still care for you... and

I know you probably hate my guts and what I have done

but I can't go back...

I have chosen to dance on under the gaze of the Sun...

I have chosen to delve into this Fairy Tale.

Fairy Tale perhaps???

I used to look with trepidation towards the future because of the uncertainty that awaited me there… but things are changing. The dreams that I put away on shelves labeled “one day” are slowly being pulled down and dusted to be reviewed again for consideration.

I have wanted to write so many times, to pour out my feelings and my thoughts on to this Piece of Heaven… I usually will log on to blogspot and start typing but then the words just freeze in my mind and all these thoughts collide into each other, overlapping each other, making my mind spin and twirl...

They are still doing that, these thoughts of mine but I guess in some ways the thoughts are settling down... and my life is getting a to be alittle more in order.

Much has happened in the span of my last entry. Nothing monumental that will be recorded in history books but something colossal in my own life. Some of you have been fortunate (or cursed?) to know the inner dealings of my tumultuous love life and well for those who are wondering what is going on, well its over.

Stepping out of any relationship is hard but I think that this was one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. Sure it was anything but a smooth relationship for the Possum and I but I still do care for him even though we are no longer in a relationship.

… I guess our relationship was over a long time ago, but the reason why it went on the way it did was that there were certain things to hold on to… certain happy times that we clung on to and some wonderful days that were few and far in between but were there nonetheless.

I feel sad that it had to end. The Possum has been a great source of joy in my life though at the same time a great source of pain. It is these conflicting emotions that have dulled my insides and made me say goodbye. There were times I wanted to ‘take it back’, to tell him that it was a mistake of a hasty mind and uncontrollable tongue… but I know that I can’t go back… not now at least.

My mum thinks that I was being rash in doing what I did and my other family members are just shocked at the turn of events. Some people saw it coming, others were just too tired to wait for this endless bickering to end and some were just shocked that it happened.

But it has happened… we are no more… the Possum and the SugarBunny are just memories now. But how do you truly forget someone and put them away? Boxes just don’t work anymore… strangely though, my heart no longer wrings itself when I see photos of us, it merely is a dull throb that lulls away.

I guess some people are wondering how come I am not in shambles like how I was in my last relationship that ended, but I guess as I have said before, I guess our relationship was over a long time ago. I wept the other day, the day I said goodbye but that was all (for now?)…
There are so many things to look forward to and the emergence of someone else has helped greatly. Sometimes I wonder if the long awaited Fairy Tale I waited for has finally arrived… has finally unfolded in front of me.

I the weaver of my Dreams, I the Dreamer and believer of Fairy Tales might finally have a happy fairy tale to tell…

And what of you that still plagues my life every now and then? I guess you like the Possum will be put away ever so gently so that my life may be able to move forward and that I may begin a new chapter in my life without having to have that phantom love I was always chasing…

And yes… the Sun does shine when we least expect it to and drives the clouds of sadness and pain away and makes the magically rainbows gleam right in front of you so much so that you can reach out and touch it and smile with a twinkle in your eye and a contented sigh on your breath… and everything seems to fall right into place...

Dancing In The Sand ~

This time tomorrow I will be dancing on the sand...

and I know that indefinately a new chapter in life will begin...

P.S: Ah Gee... you are already missed!

My life is changing...

Strange Week...

Sometimes the journey of self-discovery is sometimes painfully sad but sometimes wonderful. And life I feel is a lot about love and being love in return and of having the courage to go with what your heart is telling you...

Am at the office now… just had nuggets, zucchini and 2 mini buns. I have not snacked in 1 and 1/2 days. Drank milk yesterday and today and had oats and fruit yesterday and bran today for breakfast. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

* silly grin*

The past week has been strange.
I feel detached from so many things and yet attached to others.
Someone who once was a stranger to me, now plays an important role in my life. I guess I allow him to do that because my heart is telling me to.
Then there is the boy I thought I would marry… the one who loved me and then left. I want to grieve over this lost, but the past few times that he left and which I thought was the end turned out to be merely just another chapter. Will this time be any different?

I was disappointed in myself though on Sunday afternoon, when the weather was humid and hazy and when the cars were jammed all along bukit bintang road. I should have walked away then. I should have opened the door and walked away but I sat there and I stared ahead blank and immune to the words hurled at me and the fumes permeating my lungs. Standing outside my gate, I thanked God for the millionth time that I was alive but I berated myself for having being weak. Yes the comment left by an anon is right, at times I am a weakling… but that will hopefully change in time and strange as it may sound, I feel that things are already different in certain aspects of my life.

Much has happened around me as well. Something’s that I have no power to change and yet others that I can and it all boils down to letting go and living it up to what I have always dreamt and hoped for.

Yes, sometimes the journey of self-discovery is painfully sad and at times I wish with all my heart that the pain would go away but it is necessary to feel pain I think because when joy and love comes, you will be able to feel it with every fibre of your body. And about love and having the courage to go with what your heart is telling you, its such a difficult task because sometimes your heart is too adventurous and your heart blinds you too much with emotions. But I guess in the end, everything will be okay in time and all wounds will heal and all smiles will be set straight.

To You, the sun that drove away the clouds, thanks…

Well its back to sitting in front of the pc and try and do my work whilst I ponder about what the future has in store for the days ahead.

~*~*~*~

--> Grouchy Me <--

It’s 8.16pm as I write this entry and every normal sane person would be at home enjoying their weekend… well count me out of that equation ‘cos I am still at work!!!
Was asked by several colleagues who were wakling out the door, “Why you still here?”
I wanted to retort “Waiting for my eggs to hatch”… but being the nice person that I am, “I said work” and hunched over my work and willed them to go away before I felt the urge to take my envelope opener and gorge out their eyes.

Sorry… that’s me being not so nice…

But I can’t help it… I am just so tired and now after all the praying for the weekend to come quickly, its here and I just realised I have nothing planned. Sun sort of saved the morning when he suggested we go for lunch and animal/pet watching at Ikano. Great, ‘cos I have work at Ikano tomorrow at 2pm!!! – Gawd!!! Client freaking servicing. Thank God I can wear normal clothes… and I hope they don’t make me stay long.

Sorry I sound like a grouch… *sob sob*
It don't want to feel this way... But I can’t help it… *sigh*

The oldies that are playing on my yahoo player helps a little but then…
I don’t know… there is just something missing…
The only good thing is that I love the "me" time I am having now.
No one demanding things from me or bothering me, playing with my mind and heart or asking me to do things… its just me, alone in the office and me alone with my thoughts, golden oldies in the background and the computer for me to tinker on, just the way I like it… would be really great if I had some food though… the sarnie at 12.30pm can only go so far but then I guess I am blessed to even have some food.

I think I am an emotional wreck now… like a ticking time bomb ready to explode!!!
~ okay so I am exaggerating, but I just feel like damn wierdlah… this weird weird feeling that something is not quite right and I hate that feeling.
Anyways I think I should stop work and go home and just enjoy the weekend… *smile*
~~* hope that things get better…

Blessed Happy WEEKEND!!!

Happy Friday

"It is often easier to speak with ones mind then it tis ones heart" -- LKB

I was lying down on my groovy happy butterfly comforter after work yesterday and just lay there… and as usual my thoughts started flitting in and out of my memories and thoughts. A scheduled relaxing nap turned into full on thinking fest with as usual not many concrete conclusions.

I realised though that these couple of days I have been speaking with my heart and it is freaking difficult having to face the consequences of that. Some things which I was so used to the past few weeks have changed and well it sucks big time but I guess all good things come to and end, right? The SMS’s, the emails and the calls have dwindled, perhaps its just busy season.

*sigh sigh*

With regards to work though, things have improved significantly. I have sort of accepted that I am not a working adult and have joined the world of the grown-ups but I have resolved not to fully join them and to retain all the things that I love even though it is deemed childish and immature.

But I am glad it’s Friday and that I am at least progressing with work and life… at least now I have a direction which I am headed. It’s not super bright or clear, but its some where and I guess Someday I will know if love can move a mountain, I will know what the wind says when she cries, I will know why I wasn’t meant for you and someday I will be content with what life has allotted to me.

Happppy Friday peeps!

*grin grin* hope you guys have a wonderful one…

“If I could ask God just one question,

why aren’t you here with me…” New Radicals

*blush*

Was reading my past emails and came upon this:
"wish i could just freeze time n take u to another dimension"

*blush*

Thanks Spaceman

~*~*~*~

Prawn-ish

Fun Fact Of The Day:
A prawns heart is in it's head!

~*~*~*~

Just a thought...

If a prawn was to fall in love...

would it think with its heart or its head?

0_O

I feel prawn-ish today!!!

"Walking Away"

"Walking Away"
Foo Fighters

The sun goes down as the city lights
Pave their way through the darkest night
Raindrops fall as an old man cries
Never thought to ever think twice

Of all he had
Of all he lost
A selfish life
And guess comes with the cost

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away
Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away

The same old streets just a different name
Same old house just the family's changed
Pickett fence
The window stains
Freedom spells by a man in chains

Silence is all we have to give
And the memories of a life I wish we'd lived

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away
Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away

From all that you made
That you lost
Or threw away
Traded in for a brand new life
But I can't
Can't let go
Can't turn around
Hold my head high and walk away

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away
Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away



Yes I remember you walking away...
and Now I am lost...
Why did you have to go away???



I am missing you...

We Will Remember Them

Talking about unity and nationhood reminds me that tomorrow, July 31, is our Remembrance Day. On that very day last year I wrote two short columns on “The Real Ties That Bind” and “Lest We Forget Our Remembrance Day”.
I will not forget Remembrance Day and all it means to me. The long phalanx of our fallen heroes of all races and creeds will pass before my eyes as I remember them. As I look around at the myriad edifices and testimonials of our tremendous progress since those last dark days of colonial subjugation, I cannot but thank them for their supreme sacrifice.

“They went with songs to battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old,
As we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, not the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.”
(Laurence Binyon b.1869)

On this day too, my heart will go out to all the innocent people killed and still being killed in the conflicts around us particularly in the Middle East, Afghanistan and Africa – poor children. Poor sick and inform, poor women.
To all freedom fighters who against injustice, colonialism, oppression and occupation, I offer you my best salute, May God be with you.

~*~*~*~

The following was taken from an article in The SundayStar, 30 July 2006, and as I read the papers of the past week and read the words from this article I think about the fragility of life and the innocent people and people of sacrificed themselves for a greater cause, the cause of peace.

So many lives are lost each day. Children who will never see their parents again, who will never experience their first kiss or play with their Barbie Dolls, or go to school or even have any of their own children or even to smile with their toothy grins. Children who were taken away too fast… too soon.

Each day there are innocents being killed in their sleep, people being persecuted, people being murdered, raped and violated and we sit in our own homes and watch television and MTV and worry about what we are going to eat for dinner. We watch the horrors on TV and thank God we are in a sae country but when the TV is turned to AXN or HBO, we forget the horrors we saw and push it out of our mind lest we upset ourselves too much.

What can we do? A friend once asked me. We are only one!

And I was at a lost for words because although my heart aches every time I read and see pictures and footage of war torn countries, or countries devastated by natural disasters, my heart breaks a little and I feel my eyes tearing and my nose clogging but I am at a lost of what to do. Surely the Lord has put me here on earth for something?

Although I am one, I can change the world I believe.
Yes you nod to yourself; the little idealist in her speaks again. The fairies are talking to her and she is in her little world of fairy tales. But all great heroes, all great people with visions believed in themselves, in the power that they had to change the world or to make a difference… even though they never could save an entire planet, to save even one soul or one heart from breaking would be reward enough in my eyes and I am sure in theirs too.

Sometimes I think we tend to live so much for ourselves that we cannot see beyond that circle of “us”. We always want better things for us; I do not deny I myself am as such. But lately I have begun to wonder about others around me that need so much help and who are in such dire situations. Who have lost everything and yet can smile… while I with the sulky expression flounce of to my room to sulk some more when denied the remote control to watch a different programme. What or Who gives them the strength to go on? God and your family and loved ones I suppose or your own sheer self determination.

I don’t know where my ramblings or my post is going. Its too big a topic to touch on especially for a lunch hour rambling… but I just know that life is meant to be more than what I have now. It is more than the social outings I go to occasionally, more than the clothes I buy, the movies I see, the places I have been. I am trying to find out that missing piece in my life and to fill the emptiness and to stop the tears from falling each time I read about the pain that has been inflicted on others.

The gift of empathy, a gift of sympathy, compassion and of understanding has been bestowed upon me by the Holy Spirit I was told once by a priest while on retreat on a mountain several years ago. Use your gift do not keep it inside. Perhaps its mumbo jumbo to you guys but I believe in it whole heartedly and I will try to fix that pain I see in my own way and perhaps one day, the pain will finally end for someone and my emptiness will be filled.

But for now, I will remember them all of them who have sarificed their lives and their time to help others, the people who have suffered, who have died and who have lost everything they have and I pray that in time they may find happiness and peace in their lives.

SO FAST!!!

Its Sunday night...

okay... Bugger it...

It's actually early Monday morning.

SO FAST!!!

It's like the days are passing by so quickly and everything that I wanted to do hasn't been done and I just keep seeing the dates past but I don't feel like I have achieved anything. This is terrible... *sigh* I want the weekends to slow down but I want the working days to go by swiftly.

~ God can you hear me??? Please hear me!

*sob sob*

This weekend is going to be one busy one... :(

I want the weekend to come faster. I want to relax and be with my family...

I think I need a hug...

A Funny Thing - Time...

It’s a funny thing –

Time…
Just last week I was flying high

like a kite without its string,

like a hot air balloon that some errant child let loose.

And today…
Today I feel like I am wearing leaded shoes

that make walking so difficult,

I feel like a stress ball

which has lost its squeezy-squashiness.

I feel deflated like a once pretty party balloon

now left too long in the open,

appears shrunken and shrivelled…

Yup…
Time is a funny thing.
Just seven days can change so many things.

That Feeling!

“For a little while,

let's pretend everything is beautiful in this world...”

Have you ever read a really really good book and then was so disappointed that it ended because the storyline, the characeters and the plot was so riveting that you basically felt like you knew the characters themselves?

Or have you read a really interesting story, one where you could not stop flipping the pages, even deserting your friends, family and food just so you could read and then realised that the last few chapters were missing so that at that moment of suspense, you would never really know the ending?

Or have you ever watched a movie at the most suspenseful climactic part and the power gets cut or the VCD/DVD hangs or something shitty happened so that you would once again not know the outcome?

I just hate that kind of feeling…
The feeling of not being fulfilled… of wondering what could have been…
Yes I hate that feeling…
THE WHAT COULD/DID HAPPEN FEELING!
And I am experiencing it now…
But there is no story to read, no book to buy, no VCD/DVD to view again when these things happen in real life…

I guess this feeling is somewhat uncontrollable and I am finding that my life being tugged by some undercurrent which I don’t quite understand and I guess…

as it is such with these things… only time will tell.

I wish though that I will like what time will tell me…
And while I wait patiently for that day,

I pray my soul, mind and heart will rest in peace.

And YES,

"For a little while,

I will pretend that everything is beautiful in this world..."

Talking To Your Emotions...

Talking To Your Emotions: How To Heal Your Life Quickly!

By Rino Soriano - holistic health coach

What most people don't realize is that emotions are real things. The word E-Motion means energy in motion. Emotions become real the second you create them. However, where most people go wrong is they suppress them because they feel no right to have those feelings on an unconscious level. So then they bury these feelings and they sit there and grow waiting to get your full attention. These emotions become real like people and want to be honored and acknowledged. The more you ignore them, the bigger they impact your life because they want you to pay attention to them. If you keep hiding them or suppressing them, well, then they say ok...I will get your attention soon enough.

So, the key is to feel your emotions completely. If you have to cry for days then cry, if you feel like being alone then tell the people in your life you want space. Feel your emotions in their full capacity. They then fade into nothingness because they have been honored, felt and expressed. If you can really master this you can have dramatic shifts in your health, career, finances and relationships in a short period of time. This above all else will get you to optimum health and an amazing life faster than anything else.

Life events come into your life to teach you something. The Universe is always steering you where you are meant to be. When you resist and fight to have it your way, well, then you will get zinged because sometimes what your EGO wants is not what the Universe (Creator) has in store for you. It is kind of like getting into a raft and then letting the current of the stream take you for a ride. You don't have to paddle or apply any effort. The energy of the water is carrying you. However, when you try to go against the stream or go upstream as many people want to do in life, well, you end up exhausted, angry, bitter and completely confused. The key is to LET GO & ENJOY THE RIDE.

Essentially, illness, struggle, and drama is not trusting the process of life and wanting to go against the stream. The magic comes when you can learn to trust the Universe and LET GO, really let go and stop trying to control everything in life.

Perhaps, you getting fired from your job was the Universe attempting to tell you that you are now meant to do something else or perhaps it is a lesson of forgiveness and understanding or perhaps the Universe is steering you down a different path because maybe you are meant to do great things in life by helping people. Maybe, there is another profession that you are meant to do that will help more people than you were able to in your last profession.

Can you see this? On a spiritual level, the Universe is always out for your best interest. You must learn to surrender to the Infinite Intelligence that created this amazing Universe and beyond. Do you think that the Creator would cause you to suffer or steer you down the wrong path? The Creator that created everything you see and the perfection of all of it...do you for one minute think that it would mess your life up by pointing you in the wrong direction? IT IS ALL PERFECT.

The EGO doesn't want you to see that because to see your life that way would mean the end of it...THE EGO,the false self that has taken control of your life all these years. That is your mission in this life, to merge back with your spirit and surrender all the illusions of the EGO. This is the place of magic, healing, happiness, health, joy and freedom. Exercise For Rapid Emotional Healing

So, for rapid emotional healing you must go deep within yourself and ask...what am I really feeling? Then write down what comes up. Let those feelings be there for the moment. Honor those feelings and talk to them and say..."I know you are there...I feel you". Tell those feelings that it is ok to express themselves. Let whatever comes simply express itself. If it is anger be angry...if it is frustration be frustrated...if it is bitterness then be bitter. Allow the emotions to fully express themselves. Keep your concentration on the center of the feeling. You will find that when you are honest with your feelings and really acknowledge them and express them fully....after, these feelings will fade away.

~*~*~*~

So I suppose its okay if I throw a temper tantrum right now because I am pissed mad... or perhaps I can go to the loo now and sob my eyes out because part of my heart is breaking... or perhaps I can just go smash everyones elses monitor, call all the arse-of-ppl-that-are-my-clients and tell them that THEY SUCK, tell everyone that pisses me off what I really think about them and perhaps I can blast my media player and dance to Body Rockers right now!

*pause*

- silence-

-_-

I think my emotions are pissed at me.

They are asking me to shut up and just go home...

I should so go home...

I want to sleep in my nice comfy slightly saggy thin matteress with my new lovely Butterfly sheets with the air con on and lovely sounds of nature aroun me (from the CD of course) and perhaps someone beside me would add to the niceness of the day...

*pause*

My emotions say I should stop my wishful thinking and start the planning.

~hoorah hoorah~

*pause*

My emotions now say that I should go in the loo and cry because suddenly my heart aches for something unnamable

~sob sob~

*pause*

My emotions are saying that I should just erase this post because people would think I am going crazy. They till not be wrong.

~hehehe~

*pause*

*SMACK*

My emotions are asleep for awhile...

I think I can manage without them for abit.

p.s: Excuse my madness... its the last Tuesday!

I am "Trying"...

In times of workload, the past week hasn’t been all that busy though I have to say that I find myself standing up for myself more than I have done previously. I am not totally changed from my “doormat” status, but atleast it’s a progression of sorts.

Have managed to watch several movies recently the best being “CLICK” ~ I cried buckets, “Slither” being the grossest, “Pirates 2” being the most boringest for me, “Re-Cycle” being the dumbest and as for the rest… I can’t remember what I watched actually – poor memory due to old age!

Things have some what changed in my life. The emergence of a new friend and a lost of you is really pressing. Do things have to be this way? You win but you have to lose… *sigh* I miss you already but I guess this is the choice you made and I don’t know what else to do to keep you… and as for you my new friend, thanks for everything *smiles* its been fun and I will always remember these days although I have a sinking feeling that as the days pass, we will not be as close anymore... *sigh* -_-
(pops Rocky/Pocky in mouth)

Yup I can foresee them empty days…
Perhaps it’s a good time to begin writing again or to finally meet up with Shan, Gerard (who will be leaving again next month – sob!) and Swan (my student exchange friend) who is back for the hols… or just to catch up with myself… but hmmm… missing you and knowing that there is going to be empty days ahead is just not a very motivating thing really.

Anyways, its back to work for me…
The endless grind of it…
But then I guess that’s life…
Work just another stage of life…

and after this stage I have to look forward to retirement…

too bad its like almost 30 and a ½ years away!
What joy!!!

My end note would be that I am “trying” to enjoy working. I am “trying” to make the most of my life. I am “trying” to detach myself away from you ~ its not really working, I am “trying” to make this world a better place. I am “trying” to find the reason for being alive. I am “trying” to let you go and forget you… but it’s hard and I don’t quite want to let you go or forget you… but then I suppose that as long as I am “trying” it will be okay in the end, right?