Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Strange Week...

Sometimes the journey of self-discovery is sometimes painfully sad but sometimes wonderful. And life I feel is a lot about love and being love in return and of having the courage to go with what your heart is telling you...

Am at the office now… just had nuggets, zucchini and 2 mini buns. I have not snacked in 1 and 1/2 days. Drank milk yesterday and today and had oats and fruit yesterday and bran today for breakfast. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

* silly grin*

The past week has been strange.
I feel detached from so many things and yet attached to others.
Someone who once was a stranger to me, now plays an important role in my life. I guess I allow him to do that because my heart is telling me to.
Then there is the boy I thought I would marry… the one who loved me and then left. I want to grieve over this lost, but the past few times that he left and which I thought was the end turned out to be merely just another chapter. Will this time be any different?

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I was disappointed in myself though on Sunday afternoon, when the weather was humid and hazy and when the cars were jammed all along bukit bintang road. I should have walked away then. I should have opened the door and walked away but I sat there and I stared ahead blank and immune to the words hurled at me and the fumes permeating my lungs. Standing outside my gate, I thanked God for the millionth time that I was alive but I berated myself for having being weak. Yes the comment left by an anon is right, at times I am a weakling… but that will hopefully change in time and strange as it may sound, I feel that things are already different in certain aspects of my life.

Much has happened around me as well. Something’s that I have no power to change and yet others that I can and it all boils down to letting go and living it up to what I have always dreamt and hoped for.

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Yes, sometimes the journey of self-discovery is painfully sad and at times I wish with all my heart that the pain would go away but it is necessary to feel pain I think because when joy and love comes, you will be able to feel it with every fibre of your body. And about love and having the courage to go with what your heart is telling you, its such a difficult task because sometimes your heart is too adventurous and your heart blinds you too much with emotions. But I guess in the end, everything will be okay in time and all wounds will heal and all smiles will be set straight.

To You, the sun that drove away the clouds, thanks…

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Well its back to sitting in front of the pc and try and do my work whilst I ponder about what the future has in store for the days ahead.


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