I am sitting here typing in the back room with the stark flourescent light shining, hurting my eyes. I turned off the air con cos for some weird reason I actually feel cold. I am not sure why I am not out like I always am, I guess things are changing for me yet again. I got my new time table, I got a new job, I got an A for General Psych class, I got a new soap dish (its pink in the shape of a fish).. but I lost you.
I am sitting here typing in the back room, chatting with people whom I havent spoken to in awhile and it makes me grin this little grin, a neither happy grin nor a dismal grimace. Met a friend from my old secondary school today.. we never really talked I guess cos she was a miss popular and I was the wierd nerd creature.. but we talked today after years of not. It was nice - I was grinning and felt fuzzy though the fuzziness didn't last very long as I sank back to earth on that red cushioney seat.
Totally out of context, You know what.. my faith in you has lessened and I find myself clutching at torn whispers hoping that this time, once more, things will be different. I am missing you even as I type and as I think of you.. willing the silent phone to ring, but it does not.. So I am moving on.. things change.. people change, or maybe you just didn't know them to begin with. I so hate my ramblings and how my thoughts get so jumbled and mixed up.. but then again, its just me.
Classes are starting, work will take up most of my free time..then there is church and chores.. So yeah.. I guess I am going to move on instead of waiting like I always do. You know where to find me if you need a friend, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to make you smile.. I just wanted to hear your voice and have your blessing so to say, about everything that has happened. I guess in some ways, I will still wait for that.. on the other hand, You know that I will always be here, waiting for you at the edge of the rainbow with my Butterfly wings in hand (yes, there will always be an extra pair for you). I miss you.. I really do.