Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Project Happily Ever After

I coined the title "Project Happily Ever After" on
November 23rd 2011 for the preparations for my wedding.
To me it was a whimsical name which held hope
and promise for the wedding of my dreams.

I wanted to write about "Project Happily Ever After" for many months now, yet there was either never a good time {as it always is}, there were just too many things getting in the way, I felt like crying, screaming, or breaking something, or I just didn't feel like writing. Now that the big day is less than 20 days away, I feel as if it is time to write it all down, spit it all out.

For as long as I can remember I wanted to get married. It was a very sure thing. One of the only sure things in life for me to be honest. I wanted a fairy tale, colour coordinated wedding with all the prettiest things. The wedding would go smoothly, everyone would fall in love with my dress, decorations and every little detail and call my wedding unforgettable, memorable, wonderful. 

Well as life would have had it, my wedding is none of that. There have been mistakes and hurdles every step of the way. From the invitation list, to the invitation itself, the decoration for the house, the do's and don'ts have marriage, the dress, the thank you card, the RSVPs and the list goes on... even the honeymoon has not been spared. It's been quite awful to be honest and squabbles, nagging, sharp words, angry stares, grumbling, annoyance, cold shoulders and etc. is nothing new around here these days. Am I bridezilla I wonder... probably I am... because in my mind and my heart I have always wanted this fairy tale wedding. And what I have is far from that. So I become this horrid person who gets angry and who worries for no good reason.

To be honest, I really do want to enjoy this whole wedding planning process. I want colour binders. And clever lists. I want to live it. Feel it. Breathe it. And I do just that {or most of it} but the reality of things leaves such a horrible bittersweet taste in my mouth. 

For someone who loves weddings like I do, who stalks wedsites and such, my wedding is far from the way I want it to be. It's not like how I read about in books nor is it pretty like in Marta Stewart or all those bridal magazines. You might think me ungrateful or dramatic... but it is the truth.

Yet... yet out of all this gloom and horridness, there is a silver glittery lining that makes the unpleasantness okay. It sparkles like a beacon of hope. A sign that everything will be alright if I trust. If I believe. If I hope. This silver glittery lining is the knowledge that I am never alone. That God is always by my side, helping me through the ups and the downs that I have faced. His hand is always there, guiding me, loving me, helping me in ways that I cannot fathom. Then there is also the understanding and acceptance that the fairy tale wedding of yesteryear that I had built so meticulously in my mind was just that. A fairy tale. It was pretty on the outside but empty on the inside. But now, the inside is full of love and joy at starting a new beginning with someone I love. It is brimming over with hope and promises of a new days ahead. 

It is really a sign of surrender to God and to my perfect fairy tale wedding. For upon surrendering can I fully appreciate the wonder of what a marriage really is. It is about a new start. A new chapter. A new relationship between myself and B. It is a joining of two hearts into one. It is a union and a promise before God. A pledge of eternal love. It is the start of a 'we' and a departure from 'me'. It is about what comes after the glitz, prettiness and colours of the wedding. 

The wedding is like a pretty present, wrapped up and decked out in all its prettiness. Yet, at the end of the day, the wrapping is taken off. Sometimes we will take several pretty pictures to put up on Facebook or Pinterest or our blogs. After that we will slowly undo the wrapping to reuse as scrap material for an arts and crafts project. Or we may just rip through the wrapping and ball up the bits of paper and ribbon and dunk it in a bin. So at the end of the day, you might get some pretty pictures and some bits and bobs for your next project but what really counts after all the unwrapping is what lies underneath it.. the gift, in this case marriage. And my dear readers, that is what is most important... the marriage. 

My marriage with B.

How we live our days under the sun and moon as husband and wife. The memories we will make, the smiles, tears, opportunities, challenges, laughter, joy and tenderness shared. It is the one thing that keeps me going. The fact that at the end of the day, I will be married to B my best friend. I want people to say about this marriage that it stood the test of time, that it was unforgettable, memorable, wonderful. 
Don't get me wrong. I still am irked with quite a number of things but in true DW fashion, I will soldier on and make it happen and really at the end of the day if I am honest with myself, it doesn't really matter. God will strengthen me and give me all that I need. Amen.
 *smiles smiles*. 

So my dear friends and blog readers, I hope that you will say a quick prayer for me and B that our marriage will be a happy and blessed one and that our wedding will fall smoothly into place with pretty details on the side.

Amidst the glitter and the magic ~ 
I found your heart and you found mine.

All images seen @ DW's pinterest collection

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