Sunday, January 15, 2012

My home

It's the kind of Sunday I like.
Not too sunny. Not too cloudy.
Just right.

The house is empty save for Belle the beagle and I.
Belle is curled up on the sofa dreaming her doggy dreams
and I am savouring the feeling of quiet in my home... of ME time...
Of having the house to myself... for in a months time or so,
this will no longer really be my home because once I get married
I will be moving out to live in the Love Nest.
It's not to say that I dread moving to the Love Nest
but it will be super different.

I feel as if I am being torn.
One part longs to be home here in the house I grew up in
for close to 30 years and the new home which I will share
with B... a home which is our own.

I used to have many of these moments of being alone at home
growing up and I never really appreciated those moments and now
when I realise that I may not have them for much longer, 
I savour it and keep it close to my heart. 

I know that moving out is not a big deal for some
but for me, it is.
It's monumental.

Imagine not waking up to the familiar sounds,
smells, people, things...
It's not impossible I know. Just different...
but I will miss it.
I will miss it so so much.

Yet I know that I am beginning to love the Love Nest
and having a place to share with B.
There will be a lot of moments and things to get used to,
of accepting each others own habits and leaning how
to adapt to that because for the longest time I have never
had to share or care about anyone else's habits except my
own and now I will face it everyday!

Mixed feelings. Mixed feelings.
They float and rise and ebb within me.

There isn't much time to dwell on these feelings though.
Things are moving much too quickly with the wedding
being just around the bend and a 106 other things to get done.
There is no time to absorb these changes slowly
because time just doesn't wait... it's not it's nature to do so.

I know I will always be welcome in my home but
it's never going to be the same... and my heart
is saddened by this but I guess this is just part of growing up.

Dear Almighty Father,
Please give me the strength to face each new change
with the grace of an adult and not the grief of a child.
Help me to let go and to move forward,
always keeping in my heart and mind
memories that I will forever cherish.
Give me the strength and the patience
to face these new challenges and phases in life.
Help me along this new journey, hold my hand
and remind me that you are with me each
and every step that I take. Amen.

1 comment:

Cheryll said...

Initial Heart swap already closed. Sorry! :(

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