Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Just My Thoughts

The cliche that 'time passes so fast' has been used repeatedly... but I guess it whole saying is true... time does indeed past by fast. I can remember me sighing that Christmas would never come and then I sighed after Christmas and said that CNY would take forever to come and now that its here, I realize that I have to wait another 10 months for Christmas... *sigh* Its funny how time can slip by so quickly. I can still picture all the decorations for Christmas and now there is red red and more red everywhere and that too will be gone in a couple of days. *tsk tsk*
This year I seem to have more CNY spirit than the previous years and I am wary of that because I might just be letting myself down... but knowing me I will make myself happy somehow. =) Its been a pretty busy couple of days - more writing assignments which is good really but I seem to be lacking in the 'inspiration' department. I used to write lots of poetry, mostly bad poety, but now it takes so much to even think of writing. Also... I feel as if I am alone in some wierd way, like I am drifting in the opposite direction of everyone else and I want to be like everyone else and go the same direction but its hard and some part of me really wants to just let the tides take me wherever they want to.

Do you know sometimes, I feel like I have this whole map charted out for me and then just as suddenly everything is a blur and a mess. One moment I am on top of the earth and the next I feel like I am six feet underground. I am unsure where these ponderings of mine will lead to, or where they stem from and YES, it is morbid and yada yada, but this is what goes thru my mind.

Now suddenly I realize how far away I am from some of my old friends. I had a girlfriend and we were best mates and now, we dont' even know anything about each other. Then there was this bloke who I was pretty close to, but he is working now and he is different and it scares me because I hate change and I am trying hard to find the things that held us together and made us close in the first place and I can't seem to find it. Maybe I just try to hard and should stop trying. And there was this comment someone made about me the other day... called me a cow and I just got really upset! So not my usual self who could laugh it off and probably even retort something back... I was just upset.
Had an argument with my folks today (it was an irrelevant argument which just pissed me off!) as well and actually burst into tears in my room, thank God the Hindi songs calmed me down.

With all this emo-ness going around I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me. I was atleast alittle stronger and now I am like some leaky water facet which drips constantly *dab dab, sniff sniff* I reckon that if people actually thought through what they really wanted to say instead of saying things that are condescending or just irrelevant or mean or just plain stupid, well I think they should just learn to shut up. Also learn when to give in and admit that you were wrong and apologize... its just three damn words "I am sorry!" but then I guess it is one of the hardest things to say. I am sure that if people only took the time to filter their thoughts before it comes out of thier mouths, there would be less females dying from eating disorders, less fights and violence and etc. Words can destroy and they can build up... it is obvious that some people prefer to destroy.

My ponderings on this blog have been rather morbid I have been told and some have even commented that my blog is "like shit" and that "it sucks"... well, the 'very constructive' critic is most welcome. I am glad that you think of my blog as such, in the future people who think that it is "like shit" and "it sucks" can very well go and @%&# themsleves. One of the reasons why I write in this blog is solely for my own benefit and I not only take pride in it but I am happy to write down all that I feel instead of lugging around extra thoughts or emotional baggage and I am totally okay with the fact that you don't like my blog... so don't come here anymore - aight!

Am going to turn 23 in a couple of days and I don't dread it... I just honestly want it to be over. I know though that my 23rd year will be better than the 22nd and as the years go by, it will only get better and better... =) (see I can be positive at times!) Oh Yeah...Watched the preview of 'Constantine' and was sorely dissappointed - dahlah so gian want to watch it all... oh well! Anyways (my father keeps reminding me that there is no such word as 'anyways'), Happy Chines New Year and hope that you, your family and all your loved ones will all be blessed by God this year and every year that comes after that.

p.s: Using red cos its CNY!


Anonymous said...

"he is different and it scares me because I hate change"

~> Trying to change for the better, if you hate that about me, then just leave me be.

Anonymous said...

who's the freaking poser trying to be me? you can never be an inch as close as the SEXY one. so shut up coz she wasn't talking bout you. if you wanna stir shit, go take your mushroom and stick it up where the sun don't shine and let it bloom, mofo.

*Dream Weaver* said...

Well,honestly I don't know who you are Mr or Miss Anonymous... and if I did know who you were I might just leave you be and just to clarify things... I said I hate change not the person that has changed.

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