Lately I have been taking more milk and more fruits. Not sure why... I guess this is just some like phase I am going through. I am trying to be healthier - the key word here is TRYING. The Possum is back on Malaysian soil, he just called from Penang. Am going to Zouks in awhile with my malat friends, hope it will be fun. Doubt we will get to hang out like this in the months to come.
Had alot of things on my mind today whilst I mopped the floors and cleaned the house but I ain't got the time to write them all down. I went to the MPH book sale and finally got the whole set of the Chronicles of Narnia - thank you Pa and God for supplying the cash. My pay check hasn't come and I am stressing with the low cash, plus the cash someone owes me hasn't been paid so yeah... kind of broke now...
Anyways hope that tonight will be nice, and that I can wake up tomorrow to go to church. After that its girls day out with my mum. Not sure when I will see the Possum... wish he was coming to Zouks too. Well hope you all have a nice night out. Take care and God bless all of yous... Remember... drink more milk and eat more fruit!!! Oh and pray that the forest fires stop soon!
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Friday, February 25, 2005
'Sepet'
The movie ‘Sepet’ which I watched with Nic yesterday was a movie which was so relevant to me and I believe to a number of Malaysians. For me I think that it was slightly exaggerated, but overall it was a good movie. For those of you who do now know about the movie or what it is about, I am sorry but ‘where have you all been?’
‘Sepet’ is a love story about a Chinese VCD seller who is a romantic and a Malay girl who loves to watch John Woo and Chinese movies. This is the story about their unlikely romance and what happens. For those of you who do not support Malaysian films and shake their head wearily when I talk about Malay shows or Hindu shows for that matter, come on… it is just another genre and you know what sure some of the shows suck and are bad, but honestly, ‘Sepet’ is not one of them. We have to try and support the Malaysian movie market. If we don’t, who will?
While watching the show, I of course ‘ber-emo’ and tried to cover up so that Nic and the other couple beside me would not see the welling up of tears and for once I succeeded. Could be that or that they were all engrossed with the movie. Anyways, this show brings to mind an ex of mine who was Malay. My friends used to joke and say that I had a Malay phase, which at that time I shrugged of but now I find it offensive because they are humans like us and so what if I feel in love with a Malay guy and not a Chinese one? There were many jokes made about them, my Malay friends, but honestly they were much nicer to me than the Chinese friends ever were. So what if they rode motocycles and looked a little rough around the edges, they had a heart of gold.
It was sad though when a Malay dude came up to me one day when I was in form four and asked me why I couldn’t just go and like a Chinese guy. He said “you orang Cina pigilah dengan orang Cina.” He got a good talking to by my ex when I told my ex about what that idiot said. Yesterday I saw that idiot around and wanted to smack him, but what for. People like this will never change. They will have racism in their hearts and will never change. How can Malaysia grow when this kind of silly nonsensical hatred reside in out hearts and when we can’t change our mentality of the other races.
Later on in my life I also dated another Malay guy who I really cared for but the reality that we were from different races and religions hit home after about a year and more of us dating. It was hard but we managed to stay good friends till today. The other ex that I mentioned earlier in this blog sadly passed away when I was 17, and it killed a whole part of me. Many of my poems that I wrote and continue to write are about him and I miss him. He always stood up for me and taught me that it didn’t matter what race we all were, we were Malaysians. I still think about him sometimes and how he was so cruelly snatched away by God and I can’t help but think of ‘Sepet’ and how the ending was some what similar to mine.
I end this blog today with a wish for everyone, that they find love and that they don’t shy away from it just because it doesn’t come in the right colour or size. This could be the ramblings of a slightly emo person, but really love is what makes everything worthwhile. And for those of you, who are slightly biased and racist please stop. We need to make Malaysia united, we all live under the same sun. One day the ex told me “How can you say Malaysia sudah Merdeka when there are still people fighting about race and religion in the country?” I said I didn’t know and I still don’t. I pray that one day that Malaysia will be united and that there will be no more discrimination, nepotism and cronyism. One can surely hope and believe…
*Possum thanks, for loving me and for making my life worthwhile*
‘Sepet’ is a love story about a Chinese VCD seller who is a romantic and a Malay girl who loves to watch John Woo and Chinese movies. This is the story about their unlikely romance and what happens. For those of you who do not support Malaysian films and shake their head wearily when I talk about Malay shows or Hindu shows for that matter, come on… it is just another genre and you know what sure some of the shows suck and are bad, but honestly, ‘Sepet’ is not one of them. We have to try and support the Malaysian movie market. If we don’t, who will?
While watching the show, I of course ‘ber-emo’ and tried to cover up so that Nic and the other couple beside me would not see the welling up of tears and for once I succeeded. Could be that or that they were all engrossed with the movie. Anyways, this show brings to mind an ex of mine who was Malay. My friends used to joke and say that I had a Malay phase, which at that time I shrugged of but now I find it offensive because they are humans like us and so what if I feel in love with a Malay guy and not a Chinese one? There were many jokes made about them, my Malay friends, but honestly they were much nicer to me than the Chinese friends ever were. So what if they rode motocycles and looked a little rough around the edges, they had a heart of gold.
It was sad though when a Malay dude came up to me one day when I was in form four and asked me why I couldn’t just go and like a Chinese guy. He said “you orang Cina pigilah dengan orang Cina.” He got a good talking to by my ex when I told my ex about what that idiot said. Yesterday I saw that idiot around and wanted to smack him, but what for. People like this will never change. They will have racism in their hearts and will never change. How can Malaysia grow when this kind of silly nonsensical hatred reside in out hearts and when we can’t change our mentality of the other races.
Later on in my life I also dated another Malay guy who I really cared for but the reality that we were from different races and religions hit home after about a year and more of us dating. It was hard but we managed to stay good friends till today. The other ex that I mentioned earlier in this blog sadly passed away when I was 17, and it killed a whole part of me. Many of my poems that I wrote and continue to write are about him and I miss him. He always stood up for me and taught me that it didn’t matter what race we all were, we were Malaysians. I still think about him sometimes and how he was so cruelly snatched away by God and I can’t help but think of ‘Sepet’ and how the ending was some what similar to mine.
I end this blog today with a wish for everyone, that they find love and that they don’t shy away from it just because it doesn’t come in the right colour or size. This could be the ramblings of a slightly emo person, but really love is what makes everything worthwhile. And for those of you, who are slightly biased and racist please stop. We need to make Malaysia united, we all live under the same sun. One day the ex told me “How can you say Malaysia sudah Merdeka when there are still people fighting about race and religion in the country?” I said I didn’t know and I still don’t. I pray that one day that Malaysia will be united and that there will be no more discrimination, nepotism and cronyism. One can surely hope and believe…
*Possum thanks, for loving me and for making my life worthwhile*
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Guilty me...
I know I am going to regret upgrading my blog and doing the work that I am supposed to be doing, which I should have done like a few days ago... but NO! I am still here in the lab just chilling and checking my mails and shites like that. Sigh... am so going to regret this... but I guess I am used to rushing. Got my new syalbus for next sem - shudder! Looks hard... actually sounds hard cos I don't have my text books yet really. Yet I am feeling guilty about not doing work... hmmm... so I guess I should be heading of... hmmm....
Anyways will write more... when I can and feel less guilty. =) hehehe
Anyways will write more... when I can and feel less guilty. =) hehehe
Saturday, February 19, 2005
* My 23rd Year *
My birthday literally started of with a big bang. Possum and I were at Alexis in Bangsar having my Tiramisu birthday cake and wine and yum yum alco when there were loud bangs and booms in the sky. Some peeps rushed to the windows looking out on telawi street whilst the Possum and I went to the back of the cafe and looked out through the skylight rooms and there were fireworks. Lovely Lovely fireworks. There were colourful ones, big ones, little ones, ones with golden showers flowing them and ones that went spinning round and round. "Cheers", Possum said "may you have a brilliant 23rd year!"
After the fireworks, we played cards and talked and finsihed the cake and the deliciouse Vietnamese spring rolls and drinks, we went home. The Possum deciede to give me my present and I tore the wrapper of excitedly hoping he had gotten me what I wanted... and he did. Not only was it better than what I had hoped for, it was smaller and lighter and had more memory. I got an MP3 player. Whoppie!!!
For lunch on my birthday, I went alone to MPH in 1Utama, to have lunch and to read. I just felt like being alone and besides, each family member was at work and the Possum was at work too. The other friends of mine had things to do I suppose for there were no invitations for anything the whole day. Anyways, after a yummy lunch and walk round 1U, I went for a meeting at FACES - imagine, a meeting on my birthday on a weekend! But it was alright... meetings there are fun. Possum came to pick me up and I had a choice of where I wanted to go. I said Sunway Pyramid - as one of my fav restaurants was there and this shop that I love too was there. So we went and I had a yum yummy meal with an excellant view of the sunset over Sunway Lagoon.
After that, we went back to the Possums house where his mum had made her famous pan mee. So we tucked in more food. (I really am putting on weight!) I got more presents from his sister and his folks - a cute cute white soft toy puppy, perfume and gold earrings (which I sadly have no use for ... no one notices that I have no pierced ears - they always assume that I do). But none the less they were all wonderful presents and the earrings were actually so ME... if I had to pick them, I would have picked those. They were starfished shaped... so pretty. Pity I wouldn't be able to wear them though... maybe one day...
We dragged out the PS2 again and proceeded to play BurnOut 3 again, though I was itching to play the 2 new games Possum had bought for me. All too soon it was time to head out again. I had to review a club and so I went with the Possum. It was in Hartamas, a club called Dragon Bar which took over Bar Med. It was pretty nice inside though the crowd wasnt' my kind of ppl. I loved the music there too. Anyways, the manager told me to enjoy myself as it was my birthday and he gave me a bottle of Barcadi and proceeded to give me table. The photographer, Andy my friend was there too, so the 3 of us had a good time all to ourseleves. Some of the Possums and my friends came along and we had fun too. So much for working that night!
Anyways, we had to leave about 2am after I had finished the bottle (which really didnt' take that long!) and after I had soaked up enough atmosphere... plus the Possum had to go to the airport the next day, so we left early.
Again in my room after the long day of events, I got to thinking that it was strange how my closest friends (excluding the Possum), were not even there for my birthday and how some of them even forgot to wish me and some even sent me SMS and ecards instead of calling. Have I become so nasty or changed so much or have I just been forgotten and am not that important anymore? My logically mind told me that they probbaly just forget and besides as Possum says "its just a birthday, just another day." But for me a birthday is a day for ones self, a day to be proud that you are still around and that you have come this far and you made it. Sure the other days should be as special, but for that one day, the day that you were done, you should celebrate all you are and all that you will become. Even my family didn't do anything for me and I make myself feel better by saying that everyone is busy and that they do remember and etc. but its hard.
Overall, I honestly had a wonderful birthday with wishes and greetings and wonderful calls from people overseas and people whom I had not heard from in awhile... people whom I had overlooked. It was like a jolt for me. I was being remembered by my normal friends whilst my good friends just forgot. I guess it hurt, you know me... ever the emotional one but its ok... its another day, I wil get over it as I always do though some part of me wished I was that seven year old "She" in her pink frilly dress and yellow hair band with the pink iced cake wiht Mickey and Minnie wishing on a distant star that everyday would be as lovely as this... and suddenly I am happy... happy to be alive, happy that I can breathe, I can smile, I can love, that I have someone who loves me for who I am, someone to hug and most of all I have that wonderful ability to dream and to hope for better things to come... I miss my 22nd year for it was a wonderful year filled with much achievement, happiness and pleasant surprises... but I also know that my 23rd year will be even better!
*Thank You God for 23 years of life when others have had less. Amen*
After the fireworks, we played cards and talked and finsihed the cake and the deliciouse Vietnamese spring rolls and drinks, we went home. The Possum deciede to give me my present and I tore the wrapper of excitedly hoping he had gotten me what I wanted... and he did. Not only was it better than what I had hoped for, it was smaller and lighter and had more memory. I got an MP3 player. Whoppie!!!
For lunch on my birthday, I went alone to MPH in 1Utama, to have lunch and to read. I just felt like being alone and besides, each family member was at work and the Possum was at work too. The other friends of mine had things to do I suppose for there were no invitations for anything the whole day. Anyways, after a yummy lunch and walk round 1U, I went for a meeting at FACES - imagine, a meeting on my birthday on a weekend! But it was alright... meetings there are fun. Possum came to pick me up and I had a choice of where I wanted to go. I said Sunway Pyramid - as one of my fav restaurants was there and this shop that I love too was there. So we went and I had a yum yummy meal with an excellant view of the sunset over Sunway Lagoon.
After that, we went back to the Possums house where his mum had made her famous pan mee. So we tucked in more food. (I really am putting on weight!) I got more presents from his sister and his folks - a cute cute white soft toy puppy, perfume and gold earrings (which I sadly have no use for ... no one notices that I have no pierced ears - they always assume that I do). But none the less they were all wonderful presents and the earrings were actually so ME... if I had to pick them, I would have picked those. They were starfished shaped... so pretty. Pity I wouldn't be able to wear them though... maybe one day...
We dragged out the PS2 again and proceeded to play BurnOut 3 again, though I was itching to play the 2 new games Possum had bought for me. All too soon it was time to head out again. I had to review a club and so I went with the Possum. It was in Hartamas, a club called Dragon Bar which took over Bar Med. It was pretty nice inside though the crowd wasnt' my kind of ppl. I loved the music there too. Anyways, the manager told me to enjoy myself as it was my birthday and he gave me a bottle of Barcadi and proceeded to give me table. The photographer, Andy my friend was there too, so the 3 of us had a good time all to ourseleves. Some of the Possums and my friends came along and we had fun too. So much for working that night!
Anyways, we had to leave about 2am after I had finished the bottle (which really didnt' take that long!) and after I had soaked up enough atmosphere... plus the Possum had to go to the airport the next day, so we left early.
Again in my room after the long day of events, I got to thinking that it was strange how my closest friends (excluding the Possum), were not even there for my birthday and how some of them even forgot to wish me and some even sent me SMS and ecards instead of calling. Have I become so nasty or changed so much or have I just been forgotten and am not that important anymore? My logically mind told me that they probbaly just forget and besides as Possum says "its just a birthday, just another day." But for me a birthday is a day for ones self, a day to be proud that you are still around and that you have come this far and you made it. Sure the other days should be as special, but for that one day, the day that you were done, you should celebrate all you are and all that you will become. Even my family didn't do anything for me and I make myself feel better by saying that everyone is busy and that they do remember and etc. but its hard.
Overall, I honestly had a wonderful birthday with wishes and greetings and wonderful calls from people overseas and people whom I had not heard from in awhile... people whom I had overlooked. It was like a jolt for me. I was being remembered by my normal friends whilst my good friends just forgot. I guess it hurt, you know me... ever the emotional one but its ok... its another day, I wil get over it as I always do though some part of me wished I was that seven year old "She" in her pink frilly dress and yellow hair band with the pink iced cake wiht Mickey and Minnie wishing on a distant star that everyday would be as lovely as this... and suddenly I am happy... happy to be alive, happy that I can breathe, I can smile, I can love, that I have someone who loves me for who I am, someone to hug and most of all I have that wonderful ability to dream and to hope for better things to come... I miss my 22nd year for it was a wonderful year filled with much achievement, happiness and pleasant surprises... but I also know that my 23rd year will be even better!
*Thank You God for 23 years of life when others have had less. Amen*
Thursday, February 17, 2005
The MnM's
The Possum's sister gave me three packets of MnM's (bless her) from Singapore which were in a whitish silverish pack unlike the normal yellow one for the peanut MnMs... and when I opened the pack I was pleasantly surprised for instead of the usual rainbow colored array of candies, there were only black and white ones. I have to say it is strange to see them all black and white... looked like they were naked without their crisp candy coloured shells. I suppose you know by now that I am an MnM addict - well I was... I love them... they melt in your mouth not in your hand but they sure leave alot of colour behind!
Sometimes when I have got nothing to do, I would lick my lips and rub the coloured MnM's on my lips and the colour would stick there and I would have like sickly looking lips (specially if I used the blue ones) *grin*. I was also nice cleaning up as I got to lick out all the sugar from my lips. (sorry this sounds a little too... strange?) For my brothers Christmas present last year, I got him an MnM vending type machine. Not really big or anything, but when you pulled this lever, the MnM's would come out (Will try and get a picture!). But MnM's are just devine and you know what... in Singapore (incidently where these black and white ones came from), you have almond ones (which are bloody fantastic) and peanut butter ones (which are alright) which they dont' have in KL... See another reason why I love Singapore. Ok Ok... makes me sound like a piggy... but I hardly eat anymore and I still am putting on weight. Bloody alco I think!
Anyways, just wanted to share with you the joys and simple pleasures of MnM's that most people just pop into their mouth and forget about. The next time you eat and MnM, savour the taste of the crisp shell, the chocolate and then the crunchy nut and the sweetness that will burst in your mouth. Hmmm... they should hire me as their copy writer.
Sometimes when I have got nothing to do, I would lick my lips and rub the coloured MnM's on my lips and the colour would stick there and I would have like sickly looking lips (specially if I used the blue ones) *grin*. I was also nice cleaning up as I got to lick out all the sugar from my lips. (sorry this sounds a little too... strange?) For my brothers Christmas present last year, I got him an MnM vending type machine. Not really big or anything, but when you pulled this lever, the MnM's would come out (Will try and get a picture!). But MnM's are just devine and you know what... in Singapore (incidently where these black and white ones came from), you have almond ones (which are bloody fantastic) and peanut butter ones (which are alright) which they dont' have in KL... See another reason why I love Singapore. Ok Ok... makes me sound like a piggy... but I hardly eat anymore and I still am putting on weight. Bloody alco I think!
Anyways, just wanted to share with you the joys and simple pleasures of MnM's that most people just pop into their mouth and forget about. The next time you eat and MnM, savour the taste of the crisp shell, the chocolate and then the crunchy nut and the sweetness that will burst in your mouth. Hmmm... they should hire me as their copy writer.
Monday, February 14, 2005
This Valentines Day...
The beginning of February for me is always tinged with excitement and anticipation for this is 'the' month when all the special events happen... namely my birthday and valentines day... but this year I had to add CNY and also the Possums and my anniversary. I was happy with anticipation whilst Possum was just thinking of the money he had to spend (poor child!)
Anyways, Valentines Day. I never really honestly had a REAL Valentines Day. The sort with the roses, the candle light dinner and the whole card and gifts thingy and in complete honesty, YES... I want one of those days. I have dreaded Valentines Day for as long as I can remember for it has only forced me to realize that a) I am single this year and b) No one cares enough for me. I also had to write like lists of things to do on Valentines Day when you are single and when you are a couple for 17 mag (the month of Feb) and I really sat down and thought of all the things I would want to do whether I was single or in a relationship with someone.
I remember only 2 Valentines Days one with the malats last year where we had a Hot dog party G's place and talked till like late in the night (I remember we saw some strange looking birds flying in formation) and one with my high shcool sweetheart - we were playing ping pong in his house. I suppose I never really got the REAL valentines day that I and many many others crave, but I still keep on hoping for it. Why? I don't really know.
This Valentines Day was everything I ever wanted. It started of early. The Possum and I were at Souled Out in Hartamas on the 13th of Feb and naturally stayed till about 2am the next day, Valentines Day. Besides getting a lovely red rose (the first rose I have recieved from a boy on Valentines Day that was a bf), I got yummy yummy alcohol to drink. We had to leave early as I had class and Possum had work. After work though, he came to pick me up in the drizzle and of we went to the little Italian restaurant he had picked in Hartamas. A real candle light dinner followed with massive plates of pasta (yums). The meal ended quickly as we were both ravishly hungry. After the dinner, which was pretty alright, we went back to his house as it was his mothers birthday... and we proceeded to play our all time fav game BurnOut 3. I won btw!
His friends called and asked us to join them at the futsal place near Paramount and so we went to see them. Possum couldn't resist the lure of the game and rolled up his jeans and played his heart out whilest I sat and chatted with the other girlfriends of the players that were there. It was fun talking with the girls as we already knew each other and we bitched and gossiped for a good 2 hours. The night ended early as well as Possum had to go to work the next day... before that though, he gave me the hugest Valentine card ever (biggest card I ever got anyways!) and I was so happy... hehehe... All my friends were like "wahhh!" "ohhh" "ahhh" and my girlfriends proceeded to question their poor boyfriends on why they didn't get any cards, whilst the guys were asking the blushing Possum why he suddenly had changed. I was fuzzy all over holding the card which had several photos of us scattered around the card with silver glitter - just the things I like!
At home, I realized that my mental checklist of things for a perfect Valentines Day had indeed been accomplished and as I lay my head on the pillow and curled up under the covers, I realized that this was really a Happy Happy Valentines Day. Thanks Possum... I love you too!
Anyways, Valentines Day. I never really honestly had a REAL Valentines Day. The sort with the roses, the candle light dinner and the whole card and gifts thingy and in complete honesty, YES... I want one of those days. I have dreaded Valentines Day for as long as I can remember for it has only forced me to realize that a) I am single this year and b) No one cares enough for me. I also had to write like lists of things to do on Valentines Day when you are single and when you are a couple for 17 mag (the month of Feb) and I really sat down and thought of all the things I would want to do whether I was single or in a relationship with someone.
I remember only 2 Valentines Days one with the malats last year where we had a Hot dog party G's place and talked till like late in the night (I remember we saw some strange looking birds flying in formation) and one with my high shcool sweetheart - we were playing ping pong in his house. I suppose I never really got the REAL valentines day that I and many many others crave, but I still keep on hoping for it. Why? I don't really know.
This Valentines Day was everything I ever wanted. It started of early. The Possum and I were at Souled Out in Hartamas on the 13th of Feb and naturally stayed till about 2am the next day, Valentines Day. Besides getting a lovely red rose (the first rose I have recieved from a boy on Valentines Day that was a bf), I got yummy yummy alcohol to drink. We had to leave early as I had class and Possum had work. After work though, he came to pick me up in the drizzle and of we went to the little Italian restaurant he had picked in Hartamas. A real candle light dinner followed with massive plates of pasta (yums). The meal ended quickly as we were both ravishly hungry. After the dinner, which was pretty alright, we went back to his house as it was his mothers birthday... and we proceeded to play our all time fav game BurnOut 3. I won btw!
His friends called and asked us to join them at the futsal place near Paramount and so we went to see them. Possum couldn't resist the lure of the game and rolled up his jeans and played his heart out whilest I sat and chatted with the other girlfriends of the players that were there. It was fun talking with the girls as we already knew each other and we bitched and gossiped for a good 2 hours. The night ended early as well as Possum had to go to work the next day... before that though, he gave me the hugest Valentine card ever (biggest card I ever got anyways!) and I was so happy... hehehe... All my friends were like "wahhh!" "ohhh" "ahhh" and my girlfriends proceeded to question their poor boyfriends on why they didn't get any cards, whilst the guys were asking the blushing Possum why he suddenly had changed. I was fuzzy all over holding the card which had several photos of us scattered around the card with silver glitter - just the things I like!
At home, I realized that my mental checklist of things for a perfect Valentines Day had indeed been accomplished and as I lay my head on the pillow and curled up under the covers, I realized that this was really a Happy Happy Valentines Day. Thanks Possum... I love you too!
This post is about:
Valentine's Day
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Just My Thoughts
The cliche that 'time passes so fast' has been used repeatedly... but I guess it whole saying is true... time does indeed past by fast. I can remember me sighing that Christmas would never come and then I sighed after Christmas and said that CNY would take forever to come and now that its here, I realize that I have to wait another 10 months for Christmas... *sigh* Its funny how time can slip by so quickly. I can still picture all the decorations for Christmas and now there is red red and more red everywhere and that too will be gone in a couple of days. *tsk tsk*
This year I seem to have more CNY spirit than the previous years and I am wary of that because I might just be letting myself down... but knowing me I will make myself happy somehow. =) Its been a pretty busy couple of days - more writing assignments which is good really but I seem to be lacking in the 'inspiration' department. I used to write lots of poetry, mostly bad poety, but now it takes so much to even think of writing. Also... I feel as if I am alone in some wierd way, like I am drifting in the opposite direction of everyone else and I want to be like everyone else and go the same direction but its hard and some part of me really wants to just let the tides take me wherever they want to.
Do you know sometimes, I feel like I have this whole map charted out for me and then just as suddenly everything is a blur and a mess. One moment I am on top of the earth and the next I feel like I am six feet underground. I am unsure where these ponderings of mine will lead to, or where they stem from and YES, it is morbid and yada yada, but this is what goes thru my mind.
Now suddenly I realize how far away I am from some of my old friends. I had a girlfriend and we were best mates and now, we dont' even know anything about each other. Then there was this bloke who I was pretty close to, but he is working now and he is different and it scares me because I hate change and I am trying hard to find the things that held us together and made us close in the first place and I can't seem to find it. Maybe I just try to hard and should stop trying. And there was this comment someone made about me the other day... called me a cow and I just got really upset! So not my usual self who could laugh it off and probably even retort something back... I was just upset. Had an argument with my folks today (it was an irrelevant argument which just pissed me off!) as well and actually burst into tears in my room, thank God the Hindi songs calmed me down.
With all this emo-ness going around I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me. I was atleast alittle stronger and now I am like some leaky water facet which drips constantly *dab dab, sniff sniff* I reckon that if people actually thought through what they really wanted to say instead of saying things that are condescending or just irrelevant or mean or just plain stupid, well I think they should just learn to shut up. Also learn when to give in and admit that you were wrong and apologize... its just three damn words "I am sorry!" but then I guess it is one of the hardest things to say. I am sure that if people only took the time to filter their thoughts before it comes out of thier mouths, there would be less females dying from eating disorders, less fights and violence and etc. Words can destroy and they can build up... it is obvious that some people prefer to destroy.
My ponderings on this blog have been rather morbid I have been told and some have even commented that my blog is "like shit" and that "it sucks"... well, the 'very constructive' critic is most welcome. I am glad that you think of my blog as such, in the future people who think that it is "like shit" and "it sucks" can very well go and @%&# themsleves. One of the reasons why I write in this blog is solely for my own benefit and I not only take pride in it but I am happy to write down all that I feel instead of lugging around extra thoughts or emotional baggage and I am totally okay with the fact that you don't like my blog... so don't come here anymore - aight!
Am going to turn 23 in a couple of days and I don't dread it... I just honestly want it to be over. I know though that my 23rd year will be better than the 22nd and as the years go by, it will only get better and better... =) (see I can be positive at times!) Oh Yeah...Watched the preview of 'Constantine' and was sorely dissappointed - dahlah so gian want to watch it all... oh well! Anyways (my father keeps reminding me that there is no such word as 'anyways'), Happy Chines New Year and hope that you, your family and all your loved ones will all be blessed by God this year and every year that comes after that.
p.s: Using red cos its CNY!
This year I seem to have more CNY spirit than the previous years and I am wary of that because I might just be letting myself down... but knowing me I will make myself happy somehow. =) Its been a pretty busy couple of days - more writing assignments which is good really but I seem to be lacking in the 'inspiration' department. I used to write lots of poetry, mostly bad poety, but now it takes so much to even think of writing. Also... I feel as if I am alone in some wierd way, like I am drifting in the opposite direction of everyone else and I want to be like everyone else and go the same direction but its hard and some part of me really wants to just let the tides take me wherever they want to.
Do you know sometimes, I feel like I have this whole map charted out for me and then just as suddenly everything is a blur and a mess. One moment I am on top of the earth and the next I feel like I am six feet underground. I am unsure where these ponderings of mine will lead to, or where they stem from and YES, it is morbid and yada yada, but this is what goes thru my mind.
Now suddenly I realize how far away I am from some of my old friends. I had a girlfriend and we were best mates and now, we dont' even know anything about each other. Then there was this bloke who I was pretty close to, but he is working now and he is different and it scares me because I hate change and I am trying hard to find the things that held us together and made us close in the first place and I can't seem to find it. Maybe I just try to hard and should stop trying. And there was this comment someone made about me the other day... called me a cow and I just got really upset! So not my usual self who could laugh it off and probably even retort something back... I was just upset. Had an argument with my folks today (it was an irrelevant argument which just pissed me off!) as well and actually burst into tears in my room, thank God the Hindi songs calmed me down.
With all this emo-ness going around I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me. I was atleast alittle stronger and now I am like some leaky water facet which drips constantly *dab dab, sniff sniff* I reckon that if people actually thought through what they really wanted to say instead of saying things that are condescending or just irrelevant or mean or just plain stupid, well I think they should just learn to shut up. Also learn when to give in and admit that you were wrong and apologize... its just three damn words "I am sorry!" but then I guess it is one of the hardest things to say. I am sure that if people only took the time to filter their thoughts before it comes out of thier mouths, there would be less females dying from eating disorders, less fights and violence and etc. Words can destroy and they can build up... it is obvious that some people prefer to destroy.
My ponderings on this blog have been rather morbid I have been told and some have even commented that my blog is "like shit" and that "it sucks"... well, the 'very constructive' critic is most welcome. I am glad that you think of my blog as such, in the future people who think that it is "like shit" and "it sucks" can very well go and @%&# themsleves. One of the reasons why I write in this blog is solely for my own benefit and I not only take pride in it but I am happy to write down all that I feel instead of lugging around extra thoughts or emotional baggage and I am totally okay with the fact that you don't like my blog... so don't come here anymore - aight!
Am going to turn 23 in a couple of days and I don't dread it... I just honestly want it to be over. I know though that my 23rd year will be better than the 22nd and as the years go by, it will only get better and better... =) (see I can be positive at times!) Oh Yeah...Watched the preview of 'Constantine' and was sorely dissappointed - dahlah so gian want to watch it all... oh well! Anyways (my father keeps reminding me that there is no such word as 'anyways'), Happy Chines New Year and hope that you, your family and all your loved ones will all be blessed by God this year and every year that comes after that.
p.s: Using red cos its CNY!
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Tins, Trays, Pots & Pans
While I was doing chores today, I realized how much time has flown pass... the years have swiftly sailed by leaving only fragments of memories that I cling to without even realizing it...
Chores... I hate them with a passion but when I started to take out all the pans, pots, trays and tins from my cupboards in the kitchen, I realized I couldn't remember the last time I helped my mum make a cake... actually I can't even remember when she last baked a cake!
Those were the days when my mum made cakes every other weekend. There were chocolate cakes, butter cakes, fancy cakes, cakes with icing and pretty flowers made from sugar and a whole lot of goodies... and then now... I have store bought cakes occasionally though in all honesty it will never taste as good as my mums cakes. I remember how I would help her - or rather help make a mess =) but it was always good fun being with her and stirring the batter or just tasting and licking the bowls and spoons after she was done. *sigh* those were good ole days.
I used to tell my mum that because of her baking 'frenzy' when I was 10 - 12, I retained the excess weight which I have with me now... she agrees as she used to force me to eat just one more slice. (The excess weight was also because I was sick at that time and needed to be feed with more protein and etc. - bugger! Wonder how I would have turned out if I hadn't gotten sick?) Anyways, I miss those days... so as I wiped the tins reverently, I thought maybe I could make a cake... urmmm... then I remembered the whole Betty Crocker thing and promptly changed my mind - I mean who needs cakes anyways, right?
Or maybe I will just suggest discreetly to my mum to make some again since CNY is aroudn the corner and a certain someones birthday is coming too... or maybe Possum can hint to her that he wants to eat some cake... yeah... that sounds better! Anyways, heres to old tins and trays, pots and pans.
Chores... I hate them with a passion but when I started to take out all the pans, pots, trays and tins from my cupboards in the kitchen, I realized I couldn't remember the last time I helped my mum make a cake... actually I can't even remember when she last baked a cake!
Those were the days when my mum made cakes every other weekend. There were chocolate cakes, butter cakes, fancy cakes, cakes with icing and pretty flowers made from sugar and a whole lot of goodies... and then now... I have store bought cakes occasionally though in all honesty it will never taste as good as my mums cakes. I remember how I would help her - or rather help make a mess =) but it was always good fun being with her and stirring the batter or just tasting and licking the bowls and spoons after she was done. *sigh* those were good ole days.
I used to tell my mum that because of her baking 'frenzy' when I was 10 - 12, I retained the excess weight which I have with me now... she agrees as she used to force me to eat just one more slice. (The excess weight was also because I was sick at that time and needed to be feed with more protein and etc. - bugger! Wonder how I would have turned out if I hadn't gotten sick?) Anyways, I miss those days... so as I wiped the tins reverently, I thought maybe I could make a cake... urmmm... then I remembered the whole Betty Crocker thing and promptly changed my mind - I mean who needs cakes anyways, right?
Or maybe I will just suggest discreetly to my mum to make some again since CNY is aroudn the corner and a certain someones birthday is coming too... or maybe Possum can hint to her that he wants to eat some cake... yeah... that sounds better! Anyways, heres to old tins and trays, pots and pans.
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