Back in History

It seems that lately I have been faced with so many choices. Do I do this or that??? Do I go left or right or stay still? Same old same old.... this is not something new. Heck it happens all the time. So why do I feel as if something big is about to happen to me. I feel like I am on the brink of something. I am going abit mental, but I don't know how to explain what I feel.

 

There are times when I crave to be alone. I crave the silence, I crave the emptiness, I crave the solitude.... I just enjoy being alone doing by own thing on my own time with no one about watching over me and making me feel like I am under a microscope.. But lately I have also been needed constantly. Sure it makes me feel that my life is meaningful and that I am needed by others.. but I just want to scream when I am pulled in so many directions. Letting people makes me feel real bad, I have no choice.. I have to choose.

 

I am officially on my holidays, not a long holiday mind you, but a holiday nonetheless. I am going to savor every moment that I get and have planned out a whole list of things to do though I seriously wonder if I would ever finish them off. One can sure hope for it!

 

Anyways, back to the title.. "Back in History", last year about this time, I was chatting with 2 of my girlfriends about men and relationships and etc. and afew hours later I was with someone. It was so sudden and now as I look back, I wonder why I even accept the proposal. I do not regret that move though because it was also through this relationship that I met a whole load of wonderful people. It was this day that I meet spongy and sat in his volvo. Yeah.. I reckons I was kinda shy that day.. but as time progressed, we became better friends and thats what we are now. (spongy if you is reading this, you is know that you is my good friend and will always be - aight!) And after spongy came G and the whole other group of Malat men. Yeah many many memories do I have with this fellas, and its sad that things cannot be the way that they were but then I have realized yet again and things happen for a reason and I know that we will always be friends, though how close remains to be known.

 

History I hate that subject you know, never was any good with dates.. I will be taking western civilization next semester and I hope that it will be bearable. I was taught that the reason why we learnt history was because we could see the mistakes of others who came before us and learn from these mistakes... I look back to my own history, my own past and I know that I have learnt a whole lot of stuff. I also know that it is so difficult to change and learn from ones mistakes.. had a chat with my girlfriend today and we both realized that we have indeed changed some.. for the better we realized...

 

Going to go out and see someone from my past.. I have to admit something though... I miss the past, I miss my history......

 

p.s: Had crab again today! (gawd I swear I am going on a diet... soon!)