My 30th Christmas

More than 15 years ago I cut this picture of good old Santa from an old magazine and stuck it behind my childhood bedroom door and there it has remained. I looked at this cutout everyday while I opened and closed the door. It serves as a reminder that Christmas is on its way and it gives me hope that Christmas will be here before I even know it... I usually get a little annoyed with this little cutout about March and then again in the following months especially when there are no more celebrations around the corner but its a good cutout and I love it to bits.

Anyways, Christmas tends to creep up on me and then escapes me as suddenly as it arrives so much so that in about 3 hours and 25 minutes time {according to my clock now as I type} Christmas 2012 would have officially ended. To a certain extent, I feel like it never even happened. The happy wreath I hung on my front door fell about a week ago and no effort was made to hang it up again and so it sits forlornly on the shoe cabinet ready to be put away for another year. There are several Christmas wrappers and handmade gift tags lying around but for the most part, Christmas has come and gone yet again.

So what was my 30th Christmas like this year you wonder... its hard for me to describe what it feels like to be honest. There is that ever present excitement that Christmas brings. The Christmas carols, the gorgeous decorations, the pretty presents, the awesome packaging... how can one not feel excited? But yet I feel that as each year passes and the prettier the decorations get, the true Spirit of Christmas is lost. I am indeed blessed to have spent more time with my family this year and to share Ethan's {my nephew and god sons} first Christmas with him. Usually I spend the day with friends but they have opted to have their own arrangements this year. Yup, the changes are apparent in the way we celebrate this special day and I am honestly not too thrilled about it but changes come, its only natural isn't it?

The one constant I am still thankful for is Christmas Eve mass. It is the one shining beacon of Christmas for me. It's what I have come to relate Christmas with. Not the presents. Not the decorations. Not the merriment but the Christmas Eve mass. I remember Christmas Eve masses of yesteryear and I smile because they were always wonderfully magical to me. I also remember the performances I participated in for two years ~ once in an ensemble and once in one of the lead roles {I was a wise man} in a Christmas play titled "Three Wise Men and A Baby" {if I recall}. The smell of incense, the beautiful vestments and the grandness of mass will always amaze me. And this year, it is no different.

Daves and B joined me for Christmas Eve mass. We managed to get a seat by the side but in the first pew. It was good to see everything up close and be in the church for the mass. The choir was lovely though I don't quite appreciate it when they start singing in Latin ~ sure we should technically be learning it but since 90% of the congregation knows nuts about what the words mean, it would have been better to have had it all in English. My five cents anyways. Anyways, back to the awesome bit... as I knelt down to pray after receiving communion, I had a vision in my mind of those dearly departed at Our Lady's grotto. There was candlelight illuminating them as they stood there. Some faces were clear as day and some were in shadows but I knew who they were. They were smiling. They were happy and I was at peace. My eyes misted over and my heart wanted to burst and I wanted to reach out to them to touch them but just as soon as the vision came, it departed... but the feeling of that happiness, that joy remained. That my dear readers is what I remember and treasure most this Christmas. That simple vision of hope and joy. 

Today I went to my parents house to open presents with Ethan. It's lovely to see a Christmas corner in my home. After that, my parents, B and I went to visit my aunt who is sick with cancer. I felt so helpless and I didn't know what to do but offer up a prayer for her that she doesn't suffer. Then I went for a Christmas tea with my extended family and it was good to see all of them ~ there have been births, deaths and sickness in our family this year and its sad to remember the ones who have already left us but we remain hopeful that we will see them all again one day. After the tea, there was nothing much else to do so here I am writing this post to you after playing several games of Zuma and chatting online. There is a severe lack of activities this Christmas and I want to feel angry but I feel indifferent instead {I find it strange though that my non-Christian friends have more fun then I do}. Perhaps it is best this way instead, being here with my thoughts on this one special day. If I had wanted more fun, I should just have planned and sorted it all out in the beginning instead of waiting.

So really my dear readers, it's not the gifts that I received {though I am happy that people still want to buy me presents}, neither is it the decorations in the malls {most of which I have not been to unlike previous years where it was a must to visit every other shopping mall} or the Christmas shopping {which I used to love to do but which I completed in under 3 hours this year}. It is neither the fancy food that we had {some food was super yums}, the new glittery gold shoes I used for Christmas Eve mass or the messages received via SMS or whatsapp or on FB. It was just that one moment in church on the 24th of December that was Christmas for me... that moment when my heart wanted to burst with hope and joy and I pray that that moment will live in me for some time to come.

And yes, its been ten years and the memories are still fresh. The empty cavity in my heart still remains empty as I believe it will for years to come but I remembered you for a moment, said a prayer. I hope my thoughts reach you.

So yes... another Christmas come and gone. No carols in the background, no Christmas tree in the foreground, no BEC Christmas party, no Christmas carolling, a solitary Christmas card by a company whose products are overpriced and which I have never bought before and Bruce Springsteen's 'Secret Garden' playing in the background, home before 7pm... It sure has been a quite an un-Christmasy Christmas to be honest, but no matter... I have come to accept things as they are.
Christmas lives in my heart.

Happy Blessed Christmas everyone!

*God bless*

Read more about my other Christmases here, here and here.

FUYOH Art Bazaar today!

Visit booth C01, Hearts & Crafts booth at the 

FUYOH Art Bazaar for happy washi tape, stickers,

post-its, handamde Christmas tags and other happy things.

Do drop by to say "hello" *smiles*

Hearts & Crafts @ FUYOH Art Bazaar 23rd December

Seen @ Hearts & Crafts

Hi crafty friends and lovers of happy things!

Hearts & Crafts will be at the FUYOH Art Bazaar @ Publika

this December 23rd from 10am - 6pm.

Come 'touch and see' the pretty craft supplies like happy washi tape,

patterned paper straws, stickers, post-its and etc.

They make awesome Christmas stocking stuffers for sure! 

*smiles smiles*

I look forward to seeing you there.

Do drop by and say "hello".

On another note, do follow us on Facebook as well!

*thanks in advance*

letters from the dead

It's been a long day of cleaning the house in preparation for Christmas and the New Year. Besides that, I have been sorting old boxes {especially my old boxes from my previous job @ the bank} and feeling pangs of nostalgia. Sifting through things tends to bring up old memories long forgotten but they are good stuff nonetheless. I also had some time to doodle, read, have a drink and spend time with my mum and Belle my beagle... so all in all it was a long day but a good one *smiles*

I finally found a birthday card/letter that Adam gave me for my 24th birthday and it was so good to read something from. Letters from the dead... sounds morbid but in fact it comforted me {am thinking about writing a short story, a script, a poem or just a piece on this... "letters from the dead"}. I wish I could have told him that I did value his friendship and it would have been so good if we could have spent more time being friends. 

Anyways, its late and I am rambling on. This time last week, I was so pumped up with dancing at the rave and Daves and I were probably stuffing our face with chocolate chip cookies and sleeping in the back seat while G drove us to the Big Bad Wolf Sale. Note to self,  never shop for books after a rave or party or a drinking session. 

15 more days till the new year. Am not quite ready to say goodbye to 2012, there are heaps more things to do and 15 more days is not enough for everything ~ egad! We will see how it goes. Still thinking of that 'One Little Word'. Explore is such a tough word to outdo!! *grin grin* but it sure was an excellent word for 2012.

Patterned & Striped Paper Straws

Seen @ Hearts & Crafts

Patterned and striped paper straws for sale

at Hearts & Crafts *smiles*

Perfect for weddings, parties and for crafty projects.

Email j2kc19@yahoo.com or weheartcrafts@gmail.com

for more information. 

that time of the year

For some reason, 

I feel strangely sad.

Maybe its that overwhelming feeling

of having so much to do and not knowing

where to start or how to finish it.

Perhaps it is the feeling of wanting to

say something but not knowing the words.

Perhaps its the feeling of being unnoticed,

of being left behind, of not being the first.

Perhaps it is just the weather... gloomy.

Perhaps its me lacking the Christmas spirit

not feeling it, not decorating my home,

not doing much at all...

Maybe its the choices I made

or the ones I didn't make.

I think its just that time

of the year.

12.12.12

I had initially wanted to post a post on Christmas for everyday leading up to Christmas... but alas, if you have noticed, there is a gap of several days mainly because of the long weekend which was epic to say the least. I have not had a such a good long weekend in ages. Sure there could have been more things that I could have done to be honest, especially hangout with my parents and go to church but truly, this long weekend has made me feel so alive. I will write more about this when I can because I should be doing work now and I am super tired that I can't think about it any more. My bed is calling me and I am just so sick of thinking about work stuff. It's December. The Christmas season is around the corner. Am doing my best, but I really need some help and extra time for shopping and cleaning up my house. Ahhhh... but I am still riding 'high' on this happy, dance and alive bug *smiles smiles*

I am leaving you with this song which has been playing in my mind and has been making my feet do all kinds of strange things. I have been listening to this clip on YouTube for ages. I think I am loving Avicii's music. More on this soon. And btw, if I forget to blog {or more like don't have the time}, happy 12.12.12 its epic and will never happen again ~ and I can't believe I have to spend it at the office. Ah but such is life... kan?

Oh well. Have an awesome 12.12.12 

do something crazy good and epic.

The 7th of December

Seen @ DW's pinterest collection

On the 7th of December, I took a trip down memory lane.

I remembered those who had left us early to wait

for us on that beautiful shore.

I remembered them as they were with their smiles,

with the laughter, with their voices, 

with the way they would do certain things...

my eyes grew misty as they sometimes do when

thoughts of them cross my mind, but I remember

that there, in that special place where we will all

be together one day, they are safe, they are at peace.

And I am comforted.

But I still do miss them.

I pray you will have peace in your hearts this

Christmas season when you think those you have lost.

May you too be comforted knowing that they are

safe in our Father's arms.

Intermingling

I was just chatting with WYT on whatsapp and he apologised for always making me think of sad stuff and dragging up old memories. I thought about it and realised that my some of my happiest moments in life are intermingled with tinges of sadness so much so that its hard to have one without the other. But I am trying. Trying to concentrate only on the happiness and not so much the sadness. I am learning how to remove the strands of sadness that tangle with the happy bits... and so far it works... though not always.

Tonight though its special... tonight its a melancholic night. 

Equal parts of both.

The 6th day of December

Seen @ DW's pinterest collection

It's Thursday. Let's prep for the

Christmas season.

Am gearing up to making some Christmas themed

items and for decorating my house.

Wish me luck that I get everything sorted *smiles*

The 5th of December

Seen @ DW's pinterest collection

For the 5th of December, I wish you joy.

The kind of joy that bubbles right inside of you

to the very core of your being.

That makes you laugh and smile from a

wellspring of happiness in your soul. 

The sweetest thing in a while...

I am super happy!!! *gah* I feel like exploding.

Read my Facebook status today.

And I was super happy and 

I still am when I think about it.

So here goes... {an introduction before the story}. About two months ago, a new boy joined my organisation and we didn't really talk much because we were in different teams. To be honest, I still don't know how we became friends because it happened quite suddenly. WYT  tells me that we started talking when I asked him to get me a slurpee after lunch as he was going to sevlev {his version of 7-11}. I suppose that was when we had an actual conversation but I can't remember what it was about. 

Apparently the next time we spoke was when we went to the store to get snacks after a particularly long day at work and ever since then, he has been my sevlev / snack buddy. Through our many conversations, we realised we had many similarities and it was so easy to talk to him. Best of all, he had the ability to make me laugh and to ask me the right questions at the right time ~ very useful in a stressful office environment. He also has a knack of remembering things which is amazing for a boy *snickers* 
Anyways, back to the story at hand...

I have always loved 'The Lord of The Rings {LOTR}'. I have watched the trilogy several times and read the book cover to cover ages before the movie came out. I can't memorise lines and such, but I just love everything about LOTR. So when I heard the news that 'The Hobbit' was being filmed, I was so excited and now, in a couple of days, 'The Hobbit' will be screened in our local cinemas. OMG!!! I was so excited that I even blogged about the hobbits on NZ coins here. *smiles smiles*

So naturally I have been thinking about how to get my hands on the tickets for the preview/premier of 'The Hobbit' but no super idea came out other then lining up a day before to buy the tickets or going super early. Anyways, WYT knew that I was a fan and had wanted to watch the movie, so he firstly told me that his friend would be able to bring me into the media screening if I wanted but I told him I felt shy and I just left it at that. Then after lunch, he told me that he had got me a ticket to go under his blog name to watch 'The Hobbit'. He actually called the organiser and asked if it was okay if I went in his place.

When I heard that I was so happy. I nearly exploded.

Me going to see 'The Hobbit' a few days earlier than the other Malaysians? ZOMG! How awesome is that?!?! And then I felt so touched that he did that for  me. To be honest, many people have been nice to me and have done heaps for me but this is honestly one of the top few moments that I am overwhelmed 'cos really there was no need for him to help me but he did. And I am so glad.

So yes, I am going to watch "The Hobbit!"

Thank you heaps WYT. 

You have been a super awesome friend today.

I hope you know that. 

 Fluffy says "hello".

The fluffy caterpillars of the family Megalopygidae

Seen @ DW's pinterest collection

The 4th of December

Seen @ DW's pinterest collection

On the 4th day of December, 

I decided to put up my Christmas wreath 

which has been wedged for 11 months in

my cabinet. I am surprised that it still looks 

pretty decent {excluding the bent branch!}

*snickers snickers*

Go on, decorate your door today.

Happy washi tape promotion!

Seen @ Hearts & Crafts

It's the most wonderful time of the year 

and Hearts & Crafts is giving away a 10% discount

when you purchase 5 rolls and above of washi tape.

Happy Shopping folks *woot woot*

Washi Tape @ Hearts & Crafts

Seen @ Hearts & Crafts

Hi dear blog readers.

I would like to introduce you to a new selection of

craft supplies, happy washi tape, that Hearts & Crafts

will be carrying as of today *smiles* 

Washi tape is just awesome, don't ya think?

The 3rd of December

Seen @ DW's pinterest collection

Am loving this vintage print of Christmas...

or could it be just that it uses all my fav. colours.

On the 3rd day of December let us send out an

SMS, or email or whatsapp or leave an FB message today

to your parents, or your siblings, or to an old friend 

or someone you haven't spoke to in a long time

or perhaps to a friend you speak to every single day.

It doesn't matter. Just let them know they were in their mind.

I am sure it will make their day *smiles*

Far away but not forgotten

Today I heard some rather sad news of the passing of one of

my old friends, Adam. His sister sent me a message on FB to 

tell me of his passing on 24th November, as she had come across 
some of my handwritten letters to him when we first met.

She said that when she read the letters, she realised what a

true friend I was to him and that made want to cry simply 

because I haven't been a good friend. If I had been, I would

have called more often, asked about him more often,

and met with him every so often. But I didn't.

I am happy though that I did send him a message several

weeks ago to just ask how he was doing, but I could

have done more... now its too late.

The letters are with Adam's sister now and she said that

she thinks he would have liked it if I kept them.

She wants to show his parents the letters and I inwardly

cringe at the thought of people reading my words to him.

I hope they aren't filled with embarrassing things.

Nevertheless, this is the note I posted on this FB page...

Adam, I am sorry if I hurt you and could never give you

what you wanted. Thank you for being a strong

supporter of my blog, for reading my words, for being there, 

for understanding, for not judging, for the laughter
for keeping the letters I wrote to you, for the dancing...

I will  miss you. I hope you know that.

~*~*~*~

There have been many things I have wanted to say to you over the years but the words just don't come when I need them too and because time passes and things change, and I get caught up with 'life'... I forget. I forget to email, or talk, or to stay in touch with just the occasional SMS or whatsapp to fill the spaces of our friendship. And I am sorry. Sorry for not making more of an effort to stay in touch. 

Now when I find out that you have gone, I suddenly have a 126 things to talk to you about, to ask you, to share with you... but you aren't here. Anyways, I would like you to have this poem. I am sure you have read it already since you have read almost every single one of them, but today the words are just for you.

You were right when you said "Only the fallen can see..the others like us, we walk together, side by side in silence, an unspoken understanding, we walk..." Thank you for the days when I needed a somoene to just walk in silence by my side. Rest in peace, dear Adam and may we meet again on that beautiful shore. 

Far Away

When I heard the news this evening,

I began to cry, I closed my eyes,

I never thought i would have to say goodbye.

  

I pray all day and I pray all night,

I hope you can hear what i say.

But millions of prayers wouldn't bring you back

Because Heaven keeps you far away.

  

I know that you are watching from beyond the stars and moon,

still I hold on to that one last dream,

that you will come back and

that things are not what it seems.

  

To talk to you and see you smile,

Is all i ask of you,

That one wish i hope would be,

But instead you must watch over me.

I will try not to cry anymore,

For one day i too shall knock on Heaven's door.

And on that day,

We will be face to face,

Your laughter and smiles i will hear again in that special place.

Still... I pray all day and I pray all night,

I hope you can hear whar I say.

But millions of prayers wouldn't bring you back

Because Heaven keeps you far away...

The 2nd of December

Seen @ DW's pinterest collection

On the 2nd of Decmeber, for those
 of us who have lost someone special, 
and are missing them tremendously,
 may you be comforted in knowing 
that those whom you have lost are at peace 
and that they continue to watch over us from Above.

I pray that your the empty spaces in your hearts be 
filled with love, hope and joy this Christmas season.

The 1st of December

Seen @ JW's pinterest collection

Oh December! 

How I have missed you 

and waited for you for 

11 long, draggy months.

And now that you are here...

I am worried. I am panicky.

So many things to do, 

so little time.

24 more days till we celebrate

the birth of Christ and then we 

would have to wait a whole 364 days!

Oh December!

I am going to try my best

to make this celebration the very

bestest Christmas ever!

XOXO

words and time

words like time can never be taken back.

it is good to always remember that.

she hearts whatsapps over lunch

One said 'you look like you are having the time of you life' and the other sent me several images depicting the Life of Pi. Its good to have fun lunch buddies who make you smile, snicker, LOL and commiserate with you over the 'exhilarating' lunch conversations :)

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pen on paper

Before I left for my year abroad on a student exchange program {you can read about it here}, my aunty Lillian gave me a box of very pretty stationery from Marks & Spencer. I  loved it to bits and I deemed it too precious for me to bring to Australia {that and the fact that my luggage was overweight}. Well, my year in Australia came and went but my love for writing, putting pen to paper, never diminished. Of course these were the days when not everyone had internet connection and there was no such thing as smart phones and wifi. I did get emails, don't get me wrong and I remember fondly the days spent camping out at the high school's computer corner to check my emails everyday but honestly, nothing beats getting and sending out old fashioned handwritten letters ~ true story. 

I remember clearly the days and nights I spent writing letters to my parents, my then boyfriend {who sadly doesn't talk to me any more}, my best friend Catherine and a host of other friends from back home. I remember too the joy of going to the post office {the post offices in Australia rock cos they sell more than just stamps} and queuing up to buy stamps and asking for  stamps that were different from the ones I got before {stamps in Australia rocked - they had a whole variety of different stamps for different seasons and occasions, and one set of stamps was even scented}. I would feel such joy in sending out a handwritten letter complete with a pretty stamp and an airmail sticker on the left hand corner of the envelope ~ yes I get simple thrills like these every so often.

Then there was the anticipation of getting a response. Of going to the post office box and enquiring with the post office folk if I had gotten any mail. They came to know me by name and they would let me know when I got a letter or a parcel. Those were happy days to say the least *smiles* I would go home, shower, have my dinner, chat with my host family and then before bed time, I would snuggle up in my bed, turn on some music and reverently open the envelope or parcel. There were times when I laughed at the contents and there were times when I would cry over it {'cos I missed home and my loved ones} but most times it was just a good feeling to be remembered and to have a piece of home with me *snickers* 

Anyways, I left Australia and I came back to Malaysia and I still wrote to my friends who were overseas but with the evolution and rise of technology, the art of writing faded away. After all, it was easier to just type out the message {like what I am doing now} and clicking send and the person would get it in an instant. Now writing, pen on paper is something that happens so very rarely. Even my journal which I wrote in religiously when I was a teen and young adult is abandoned. I take it out every blue moon or so and just vent my thoughts but mostly I take to blogging or writing obscure poetry that never sees the light of day.

So last week when I received some snail mail from my Swiss friend whom I met in Australia and who now is living in Brazil {talk about globe trotter}, I decided to use the box of stationery and write him and my host family some handwritten letters. It was honestly so good. So good and refreshing to see the words form from the nib of my pen on to the pretty paper. It was good to see  my hands stained black from the smears of the blotted ink. It was good to hold the pen and construct my thoughts. I missed this feeling and never realised it until then.

Putting pen on paper was therapeutic to say the least and along with it I remembered so many things, so many memories, so many little joys. I recall the stacks of letters received over the years, some kept so meticulously, others sadly recycled, lost words now. I know one thing for sure would be that this feeling, this remembrance of putting pen on paper, will not be forgotten but instead would be practised more often... Anyone want to be penpals? Leave me an email at j2kc19@yahoo.com or weheartcrafts@gmail.com
Here's to writing, beautiful letter sets and stationery, post offices, stamps and putting pen on paper.

Seen @ My Instagram Photos on Ink361

Washi Tape @ H&C

Seen @ Hearts & Crafts

Hey guys. I have some exciting news.

Washi tape goodness will be available on my online

store 'Hearts & Crafts' soon. I am in the midst of

taking photos, working on pricing the like, but it 

should be ready by end of this week *smiles*

Looking forward to your support *grins*

Have an awesome day ahead all.

i feel like dancing

Seen @ JW's pinterest collection

I feel like dancing.

Spinning around.

Throwing up my arms
 in careless abandonment.

Jumping, prancing, twirling.
Dancing to a beat only I can hear.
Moving to the thumping and pouding
of the music that flows in my veins.

I just feel like dancing now.
In my slippers.
In my office attire.
With my messy hair.
With my geeky specs.
I want to close my eyes and be transported
to a dance floor somewhere
and just dance...
dance like no one is watching...
dance like there is no tomorrow.

I feel like dancing.

rolls of colour

Seen @ Fjeld Borg

Am loving this simple home craft work space.

It's simple but effective in the sense that it has the space

for everything that you would need within reach.

A good place for artsy craftsy stuff.

Doesn't help that this space is filled with lovely bits of colour

and has awesome rolls of patterned/coloured paper.

*smiles smiles*

amidst the chaos

Seen here

This morning I woke up hopeful that the day would be a carefree,

stress free day for me. A day to take it all in and sort out the clutter.

A day to just enjoy and breathe. I suppose when I wake up with

grand notions such as these, I tend to self sabotage myself, or

perhaps I am mentally preparing myself for a day that is less of a 

carefree day, but more of a 'normal' day, the ones with its fair

share of ups and downs because realistically speaking there

aren't any perfect days now is there? And true, the day started

out a little crappy {due to my carelessness and oversight} but 

who's to say that the rest of the 9 hours or so wouldn't turn

around and be just that, perfect, or close to perfect anyways.

I think the challenge for me today is to firstly stop making silly

and careless mistakes. I am not making excuses, for myself

and yes, its not a very big mistake but it still reflects poorly on

my work {and I am after all my own harshest critic - true story!}

and my ability to perform at work. Sometimes, I think my head

is in the clouds more often then it should be *snickers*

The next challenge for me not only for today but for the rest of 

my life would be how to experience peace and calm in the midst

of all the chaos around me. How to sit still in the eye of the 

storm and know full well that although everything around me is

literally going insane, I am going to be okay and that when

the storm passes, everything will be okay as well.

I honestly look forward to that day. 

I think it will be a mighty fine day when I realise that the days

events, that the people around me and the things that 

happen to me will not effect the peace I feel within me.

There are times I catch a glimpse of this fleeting peace, but 

its fleeting. I have not anchored myself well in peace, in God,

in His Divine peace, promises and blessings.

Well, here's to wishing I will grow in peace and serenity

through time {hopefully sooner rather than later} *smiles* 

 Anyways, as always I am every hopeful about things to

change and be better. I sincerely do believe it will.

Really. True Story.

Loving this paper collection

Seen @ Echo Park Paper

OMG! Checked out the latest Echo Park paper collection

'Today's Story', and I love love love it.

I love the colours and the designs and have a couple of 

ideas for the journalling cards. *loves*

I reckon it would be really good for those who are

doing 'Project Life' as well.

Can't wait to get some of this delicious paper.