Tuesday, May 31, 2011

things on my mind

I wanted to blog about a lot of good things today since I am on emergency leave today and had some free time... but the words and the feeling of bubbly happiness passed me by. 

I try not to feel like this and it has been some time since I felt this lump in my heart and such a dash in my spirit. It all started with a simple conversation between my colleagues and I but ended up in my 'career roadmap' being severely detoured to say the least. Besides finding out about said detour, I have to contend with the fact that I am being underpaid. 

I feel short changed. I feel angry. I feel let down. I feel disappointed. I feel small. I feel useless. I feel like I am being pushed in a direction which I am not quite happy to take. 

I really really hate this feeling. I feel as if I am not good enough and I question my worth which I hate to do. *sniff sniff* I don't want to sulk at this pity party for one but it's a challenge for me to grin and bear it all and inject that good old team spirit and passion in my job.

Tomorrow marks a new day. No more blogging during office hours I guess though I hope I can manage to squeeze some minutes to do so here and there during lunch at the very least.

I must remind myself that there is much to look forward to and much to be thankful and happy about. I must keep my spirits up and know that God, my rock and strength will lead me to the path that He has chosen for me. In the mean time, I just have to pray for patience, intervention and perseverance and do my best and keep doing that smiling-everything-is-okay act, so much so that I will believe that it is all real.

Pray for me?

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