Today has been a surprisingly good day. I have to say that with the amount of bad shitty days I have had this month, today really makes everything that was shitty and bad, not so shitty and bad. Honestly it makes everything seem fuzzy and smiley and wonderful. *sigh* if only all days were as such. Almost everything seemed to go right today, like it fit. So, you must be wondering what has got me all happy since three quarters of the time I am bitching about how unfair or how sad and miserable my life is.. (What to do, I am human after all!) Today is a rare threat. I am smiling from ear to ear (Yes, a smile that can melt atleast 2 peoples heart - what an achivement!) whilst I type this and am just happily savouring the moment. =) *grin*
Yeah, so this morning.. I woke up on time for once and didn't have to rush to get the bus. I didn't want to wake up the Possum as Possum's generally like their rest and prove insane when disturbed from their slumber. So I packed my huge arse bag complete with 4 text books (what a nerd) and went down for breakfast of a handful of cereal. To my delight, me mums had cooked some yummy pasta thingy with chicken and sausages.. yumyum.. so I got to eat a REAL breakfast *note that it has been some time since I last ate a REAL breakfast!* I consumed the food with much joy and proceeded to walk to the old faitful bus top to get the wonderful 99 Metro bus, but me bro said "STOP, YOU WANT A LIFT?" Whoppie!!! Never have I turned down a ride from someone cos I really dont' like to take buses, especially when I tote around 4 text books and a MASSIVE bag.
Into the car I went happily lugging the Massive bag behind me and all too soon we were at stamford.. So out of the car I went lugging the bag and trying my hardest to balance all the books and up the stairs I went. I reached the computer lab and dumped all the stuff on the floor and went online to check me mails. There were few that I was happy to recieve and another which froze my blood for a bit. THE RESULTS... I opened the email and the document and was so happy when I saw the results.. I was grinning from ear to ear when my friend broke me out of this little 'blur' I was in and said that we were late for class, so I had to hurry and gather the books and bags and log out from the net. So out we went rushing for the lift and I met the admin person and she asked me if I had seen the results yet and I said 'yeah' and she said "Congrats you are on the deans list!" I said 'oh' and said I was late for class and stumbled along with the books and the massive bag whilst in my head I was shouting, WHOPPEEEE!!!
YES.. finally after much writing and moaning about how shitty it was that I didn't get the deans list last sem (read my posts from last time), I finally manage to be in it. *grin* Besides that, (I will shorten the days events as some people find it difficult to read long and boring posts that I write) I also got asked to be in a print ad for Stamford and was commended by the communications director on my article which will be published in the Stamford newsletter. So yes, it has been a good day. I also followed the Possum to fix his windscreen glass and we went to Tesco together (such domesticated bliss) and had Sushu King.. yum yum.. lil octopus'es!!
I also got a ride home from college with my brother and didn't need to wait for the bus, (thank God) as its going home time and the bus is worse than a tin of sardines, more like a plate of spagetthi. Possum is still stuck in a jam even as I type, thats why I didn't get transport in the first place, but luckily me bro was around 223 so he picked me up. So here I am.. happy as a lark. (dont' know why they say that, do larks smile?) Well.. I have got some emails to reply and some dinner to consume (mums food again -yums) and then I go of to watch Alien VS Predator.. ho hum!
*Thank You God for everything blessed that we have today and every other day and those days when we forget and just can't see that each and everything is really really blessed in some little way..
~ DreamWeaver is still grinning as she types this, if you happen to see her, you would think she was slightly insane, but no matter.. this is what happens on Good Days..... ~
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Monday, August 23, 2004
Just A Recap
Almost half the day is gone and I find myself looking forward to just going home and chilling, to be more precise, I want to go home, have something to eat, on the air-con in my room, get out my books and then curl up like a worm and sleep wrapped up in a cocoon made up of my comforter and snuggle up and read the book.. eventually I will fall asleep and that would be excellent.
Once again my head is pounding to the interesting beat of the Chinese techno music and I really want to just use one of my pillows (the Possum cloud one) and cover my head in hopes that the idiot pounding will stop. Why the pounding you ask? Well, last night after a gruelling 7 hours something of work (and a half an hour break in front of an enormous aquarium munching Arnotts biscuits) I went with my new colleagues to some dinky, smells like cockroaches little pub where you can throw the sunflower seed shells on the floor to celebrate a farewell party for one of the cooks. I didn't want to go really, but thought about it again and decided that it would be better to interact and mix with my new colleagues so that it would be better when we interact at work. The night went well, which explains the pounding in my head now. Possum was not pleased when I reeked of ciggie smokes and whiskey (hehehe.. now Possum knows how I feel).
Honestly, I am rather tired these days and haven't spent much time at home. Just 2 weeks ago I was deathly bored of staying home, moaning about how sick I was and having nothing to do.. and now I find that I have too much do and no time for the simple things in life that I used to enjoy. I have to admit that during this time, I learnt alot not only about myself but about others as well. How they survived and moved on in this world, how people really are, how your friends really treat you when you need help and etc.
These things play around in my mind even now as I sit here in the computer lab and write in between classes. It has been on my mind all this time (since I found out about anyways) and I wonder what I can do to help and cope with these things. No, they are not like killing me and I am not worried about it, but I cant help but wonder and think somemore. Its good though, atleast I can think about these sorts of things when I am in the bus or waiting for the bus - keeps me fairly occupied.
If you read my blog and are keeping up with my little life, then you would know that I wasn't exactly blogging very often and there has been the 'lost' of many things in my life.. I wouldn't say that all the things have been found, though atleast there is a hint, a sort of glimmer of hope I guess regarding the finding of all things lost. Sure not all things can be found again, but atleast some of them are, and for that I am ever grateful and happy and blessed to say the least.
I am also so very thankful that I have had so many wonderful friends with me to get me thru this time of searching (no matter how small, I still remember 'em) whether they leave wonderful comments on my blog (thanks Angelus), or if they buy me food and drinks and have hangouts in the park with me (thanks Shaun), or if they chat with me on MSN during the day (thanks Michelle), or if they lepak with you and talk to you again and again and hear over and over about what happend and watch wierd movies with you and wait for ages while you go for an impromtu interview for your job (thanks Nic), or if they go and yum cha with you and just waste the days away with you just cos.. (thanks G), or if they send you SMS' to tell you to smile cos you have a half way decent smile (thanks Jer).. for those of you that I have not mentioned, sincerest apologies. Thanks for your concern on my well being, it really has touched my heart in many ways.
I have to go now.. wish I could write more. There is so much that I want to upload and unload.. hehehe.. sounds so corny. Anyways, just wanted to say 'thanks' and to wish everyone a wonderful week. I am trying desperately still to get the pounding out of my head.. =) hopefully it goes away soon. God bless all of you and I will hopefully write mores.. Keep the comments comings.. Buhbyes..*
Once again my head is pounding to the interesting beat of the Chinese techno music and I really want to just use one of my pillows (the Possum cloud one) and cover my head in hopes that the idiot pounding will stop. Why the pounding you ask? Well, last night after a gruelling 7 hours something of work (and a half an hour break in front of an enormous aquarium munching Arnotts biscuits) I went with my new colleagues to some dinky, smells like cockroaches little pub where you can throw the sunflower seed shells on the floor to celebrate a farewell party for one of the cooks. I didn't want to go really, but thought about it again and decided that it would be better to interact and mix with my new colleagues so that it would be better when we interact at work. The night went well, which explains the pounding in my head now. Possum was not pleased when I reeked of ciggie smokes and whiskey (hehehe.. now Possum knows how I feel).
Honestly, I am rather tired these days and haven't spent much time at home. Just 2 weeks ago I was deathly bored of staying home, moaning about how sick I was and having nothing to do.. and now I find that I have too much do and no time for the simple things in life that I used to enjoy. I have to admit that during this time, I learnt alot not only about myself but about others as well. How they survived and moved on in this world, how people really are, how your friends really treat you when you need help and etc.
These things play around in my mind even now as I sit here in the computer lab and write in between classes. It has been on my mind all this time (since I found out about anyways) and I wonder what I can do to help and cope with these things. No, they are not like killing me and I am not worried about it, but I cant help but wonder and think somemore. Its good though, atleast I can think about these sorts of things when I am in the bus or waiting for the bus - keeps me fairly occupied.
If you read my blog and are keeping up with my little life, then you would know that I wasn't exactly blogging very often and there has been the 'lost' of many things in my life.. I wouldn't say that all the things have been found, though atleast there is a hint, a sort of glimmer of hope I guess regarding the finding of all things lost. Sure not all things can be found again, but atleast some of them are, and for that I am ever grateful and happy and blessed to say the least.
I am also so very thankful that I have had so many wonderful friends with me to get me thru this time of searching (no matter how small, I still remember 'em) whether they leave wonderful comments on my blog (thanks Angelus), or if they buy me food and drinks and have hangouts in the park with me (thanks Shaun), or if they chat with me on MSN during the day (thanks Michelle), or if they lepak with you and talk to you again and again and hear over and over about what happend and watch wierd movies with you and wait for ages while you go for an impromtu interview for your job (thanks Nic), or if they go and yum cha with you and just waste the days away with you just cos.. (thanks G), or if they send you SMS' to tell you to smile cos you have a half way decent smile (thanks Jer).. for those of you that I have not mentioned, sincerest apologies. Thanks for your concern on my well being, it really has touched my heart in many ways.
I have to go now.. wish I could write more. There is so much that I want to upload and unload.. hehehe.. sounds so corny. Anyways, just wanted to say 'thanks' and to wish everyone a wonderful week. I am trying desperately still to get the pounding out of my head.. =) hopefully it goes away soon. God bless all of you and I will hopefully write mores.. Keep the comments comings.. Buhbyes..*
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Empty
I sit here in front of the PC, looking all lady like with the makeup and dress and I feel like I am sort of lovely decorated present on the outside.. but inside I am empty, I am hollow and I am just so so empty..
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Light a candle..
Every Sunday or Saturday (depending when I go for mass) for as long as I can remember, I have been lighting candles at church. I am not sure when i started nor the real sybolism for doing so. For me, and I think many others, we see the act of lighting candles to be a sign of hope, of better things to come. For in the darkness, light brings hope and symbolizes comfort. So I suppose along with my prayers, I light candles.
I am not sure if this was a coincidence, I believe it is not.. but when I went to Camerons earlier this year for a church youth camp, I had the strangest experience. I was passing a grotto of Our Lady (Mother Mary), and I wanted to light a candle, but I didn' have any with me. Everyone had already left the church and was heading back to the hostel when suddenly something told me to look to the left of the statue and lo and behold, there were 3 candles there. I was so happy and lit them hurriedly as it was getting dark and I was alone (yeah I am a wimp!)Anyways, the whole experience was wonderful and I had a really peaceful time there praying at the grotto with 3 candles shinning brightly in the ever growing darkness.
Those of you who already know the circumstances in my life and has kept close tabs on me during this 'strange' phase of my life, thank you from the bottom of my heart. For those of you who have no idea, it is ok. The reason for all this talk about candles and hope is because I need that now more then ever.. Hope. Something so elusive, something that everyone strives to hold on to..
Things are looking up for me, yet as I have mentioned in the other blogs, nothing is the same. Its like this painting which is smeared which needs restoration to get back to its former beauty. So, perhaps what I need is more hope that in time, the painting will be as it was before, or maybe even better than before. Hope.. I cling to it so desperately.. I need another miracle I thinks..
Light a candle,
Keep it burning for me..
Offer to the night a thousand rosaries
Light a candle,
Keep it burning for me..
To shine me home at the end of this lonely road ..
Someone please come save me..
Someone please pray for me..
I am not sure if this was a coincidence, I believe it is not.. but when I went to Camerons earlier this year for a church youth camp, I had the strangest experience. I was passing a grotto of Our Lady (Mother Mary), and I wanted to light a candle, but I didn' have any with me. Everyone had already left the church and was heading back to the hostel when suddenly something told me to look to the left of the statue and lo and behold, there were 3 candles there. I was so happy and lit them hurriedly as it was getting dark and I was alone (yeah I am a wimp!)Anyways, the whole experience was wonderful and I had a really peaceful time there praying at the grotto with 3 candles shinning brightly in the ever growing darkness.
Those of you who already know the circumstances in my life and has kept close tabs on me during this 'strange' phase of my life, thank you from the bottom of my heart. For those of you who have no idea, it is ok. The reason for all this talk about candles and hope is because I need that now more then ever.. Hope. Something so elusive, something that everyone strives to hold on to..
Things are looking up for me, yet as I have mentioned in the other blogs, nothing is the same. Its like this painting which is smeared which needs restoration to get back to its former beauty. So, perhaps what I need is more hope that in time, the painting will be as it was before, or maybe even better than before. Hope.. I cling to it so desperately.. I need another miracle I thinks..
Light a candle,
Keep it burning for me..
Offer to the night a thousand rosaries
Light a candle,
Keep it burning for me..
To shine me home at the end of this lonely road ..
Someone please come save me..
Someone please pray for me..
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Extra Butterfly Wings for you ~
I am sitting here typing in the back room with the stark flourescent light shining, hurting my eyes. I turned off the air con cos for some weird reason I actually feel cold. I am not sure why I am not out like I always am, I guess things are changing for me yet again. I got my new time table, I got a new job, I got an A for General Psych class, I got a new soap dish (its pink in the shape of a fish).. but I lost you.
I am sitting here typing in the back room, chatting with people whom I havent spoken to in awhile and it makes me grin this little grin, a neither happy grin nor a dismal grimace. Met a friend from my old secondary school today.. we never really talked I guess cos she was a miss popular and I was the wierd nerd creature.. but we talked today after years of not. It was nice - I was grinning and felt fuzzy though the fuzziness didn't last very long as I sank back to earth on that red cushioney seat.
Totally out of context, You know what.. my faith in you has lessened and I find myself clutching at torn whispers hoping that this time, once more, things will be different. I am missing you even as I type and as I think of you.. willing the silent phone to ring, but it does not.. So I am moving on.. things change.. people change, or maybe you just didn't know them to begin with. I so hate my ramblings and how my thoughts get so jumbled and mixed up.. but then again, its just me.
Classes are starting, work will take up most of my free time..then there is church and chores.. So yeah.. I guess I am going to move on instead of waiting like I always do. You know where to find me if you need a friend, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to make you smile.. I just wanted to hear your voice and have your blessing so to say, about everything that has happened. I guess in some ways, I will still wait for that.. on the other hand, You know that I will always be here, waiting for you at the edge of the rainbow with my Butterfly wings in hand (yes, there will always be an extra pair for you). I miss you.. I really do.
I am sitting here typing in the back room, chatting with people whom I havent spoken to in awhile and it makes me grin this little grin, a neither happy grin nor a dismal grimace. Met a friend from my old secondary school today.. we never really talked I guess cos she was a miss popular and I was the wierd nerd creature.. but we talked today after years of not. It was nice - I was grinning and felt fuzzy though the fuzziness didn't last very long as I sank back to earth on that red cushioney seat.
Totally out of context, You know what.. my faith in you has lessened and I find myself clutching at torn whispers hoping that this time, once more, things will be different. I am missing you even as I type and as I think of you.. willing the silent phone to ring, but it does not.. So I am moving on.. things change.. people change, or maybe you just didn't know them to begin with. I so hate my ramblings and how my thoughts get so jumbled and mixed up.. but then again, its just me.
Classes are starting, work will take up most of my free time..then there is church and chores.. So yeah.. I guess I am going to move on instead of waiting like I always do. You know where to find me if you need a friend, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to make you smile.. I just wanted to hear your voice and have your blessing so to say, about everything that has happened. I guess in some ways, I will still wait for that.. on the other hand, You know that I will always be here, waiting for you at the edge of the rainbow with my Butterfly wings in hand (yes, there will always be an extra pair for you). I miss you.. I really do.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Its just not my day..
Am sad, Am blue
There is nothing much to say
My trust and heart has been broken
My handphone has been stolen
Its just not my day..
There is nothing much to say
My trust and heart has been broken
My handphone has been stolen
Its just not my day..
Thursday, August 12, 2004
My Girl Friends
I have honestly never had many girlfriends. I am not sure why but I used to envy those bunches of girls that used to hang out all the time. Sure I had my group as well, many groups at that, but some how I never really opened myself up to them, mainly out of fear or perhaps I was just too wary and careful in my own little way. I guess I find it difficult in some ways to talk to girls cos they seem to judge you even before they know your whole story and tend to be more competitive of everything. It really bugs me about that. Perhaps that is why I tend to have more guy friends than girl friends. People thinks that I am 'gatal' but I guess I have come to this stage where I don't hear what others say anymore cos there is always bound to be one person who will condemn me for nothing in particular that I have done.
Thankfully I have got quite a number of them wonderful girl friends now. Really wonderful people whom I can call at any hour of the night to moan and bitch about how unfair life is or how ugly and shitty I look that particular day and stress about the way things have turned out. It is to them that I reveal all the little shitty details of my life that to my guy friends seem totally insignificant and albeit trivial. "I love you" said the Possum (in no way is that related to what I wanted to stress about the wonders of girl friends)
But think about it really, who can stand talking on the phone for a good 3 hours about the injustice of life and the "difficult" days we have thanks to bad hair days and pimple outbreaks. Who can go on and on about why "guys are just like thatlah..." and complain and site numerous examples of girls in simillar situations. Those nights listening as we bitch and ponder about God or about life is also very eye opening, those conversations about sex and many accompanying tales of related topics also make me smile now as I recall them.
So this brings me back to the topic of my Girl Friends.. what can I say? Even if they live a few continents away, they live near my house or if I only see them once in a really blue moon, it doesn't matter..... they are really wonderful people who not only love you because of your eccenticities, your snorts, the way you can make silly jokes when they cry thus forcing them to laugh but because they understand you and care for you nontheless. They are the type to call when you need to unload, to bug you with SMS' about what happened until you finally give in and tell them what "really happened", to loan you money when you really need to buy something, to send you wicked emails, send you really funny cards on seemingly normal days, give you surprise gifts, leave flowers in your post box because you needed cheering up and a whole lot of things that my wonderful guy friends will never do just because they are men.
It is almost feeding time and I should stop typing.. and proceed to read again whilst I wait for the fooods (am at Possums again), my parents are working late again. Dearest, girl friends of mine, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there, for listening, for the laughs, for the rides, for the smiles and thoughtfulness.. if you sometimes feel that I don't really appreciate you all and favor the guys more than you all, I apologize but you are sorely mistaken. There are so many things that they will never come close to sharing with me. I love you all and can't wait to see you all again. Life is all taking us down different roads and most of you all are working already, but know that no matter what I will be here for you just as I am sure you will be there for me when I need you all. Miss you all heaps. So here is a whole load of huggssss and kissessss (the normal ones of course) from me to you all.... XOXOXO, God bless and Angels watch over you..
Thankfully I have got quite a number of them wonderful girl friends now. Really wonderful people whom I can call at any hour of the night to moan and bitch about how unfair life is or how ugly and shitty I look that particular day and stress about the way things have turned out. It is to them that I reveal all the little shitty details of my life that to my guy friends seem totally insignificant and albeit trivial. "I love you" said the Possum (in no way is that related to what I wanted to stress about the wonders of girl friends)
But think about it really, who can stand talking on the phone for a good 3 hours about the injustice of life and the "difficult" days we have thanks to bad hair days and pimple outbreaks. Who can go on and on about why "guys are just like thatlah..." and complain and site numerous examples of girls in simillar situations. Those nights listening as we bitch and ponder about God or about life is also very eye opening, those conversations about sex and many accompanying tales of related topics also make me smile now as I recall them.
So this brings me back to the topic of my Girl Friends.. what can I say? Even if they live a few continents away, they live near my house or if I only see them once in a really blue moon, it doesn't matter..... they are really wonderful people who not only love you because of your eccenticities, your snorts, the way you can make silly jokes when they cry thus forcing them to laugh but because they understand you and care for you nontheless. They are the type to call when you need to unload, to bug you with SMS' about what happened until you finally give in and tell them what "really happened", to loan you money when you really need to buy something, to send you wicked emails, send you really funny cards on seemingly normal days, give you surprise gifts, leave flowers in your post box because you needed cheering up and a whole lot of things that my wonderful guy friends will never do just because they are men.
It is almost feeding time and I should stop typing.. and proceed to read again whilst I wait for the fooods (am at Possums again), my parents are working late again. Dearest, girl friends of mine, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there, for listening, for the laughs, for the rides, for the smiles and thoughtfulness.. if you sometimes feel that I don't really appreciate you all and favor the guys more than you all, I apologize but you are sorely mistaken. There are so many things that they will never come close to sharing with me. I love you all and can't wait to see you all again. Life is all taking us down different roads and most of you all are working already, but know that no matter what I will be here for you just as I am sure you will be there for me when I need you all. Miss you all heaps. So here is a whole load of huggssss and kissessss (the normal ones of course) from me to you all.... XOXOXO, God bless and Angels watch over you..
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