It's been 3 weeks...

It's been 3 weeks...
...and I have crashed and burnt.

So much for thinking that I was okay.

Penang was great - moonlight walk on the beach, friends talking,

Chillis, food, the waves crashing on the shore, mum and me...

Sunday was bad - Dave and I, S and I, me without you, nasty drinks,

gold plastic, printer scanner, drunk dialing, a broken heart, many many tears...

the worse hangover and stomache ever.

I feel like I am in another place... a place I have never been too

and I don't know how to come back...

I don't know how to be me...

My body, my heart, my mind feels like it doesn't belong to me...

I stop and all I can do is stare at the past.

I am stuck in a moment.

But...

It's a little better today...

Nineteen steps backwards yesterday...

One small step forward today...

I am sorry that I will most probably break your heart Sam.

I can't fix your heart 'cos mine is too broken

and I don't know how long it will take to mend it...

I need to be saved.

Empty. I feel so damn empty...

I am now picking up the pieces, trying to make sense of things

and I think I will admit it this once...

for now...

"I am not okay"

but I hope that soon, very soon, I will be okay.