Am sitting here sipping grape Nutrigen.
Am thinking that in a couple of days time I wouldn't be "ME" anymore. Many things will change in these couple of days. Part of me wants to stay awake every single day so that I get to enjoy every single moment of this... this wonderful endless posibility.
Am thinking that today at 3.26pm I signed away so many things and I am at a lost for words. I am caught into between crazy joy and heartfelt despair. Caught in a world of grey between the black and the white. I don't like being in the middle... but I don't quite feel like choosing.
I just want to crawl under my blankie, be Peter Pan-like and sleep or read or write my silly poems and happy ever after endings...
...yet in me there is this other part that wants to break free for awhile. Needs to see past the blankie, the books, the movies, the music, the scrapbooking and etc. The part of me that is 24 and wants to continue growing up and stop being Peter Pan-like. I want to wear the suit and be like how I envisioned myself 12 years ago.
Am sitting here sipping grape Nutrigen.
Am thinking that there are so many changes bound to happen and I suppose that no one can help me out of this (as usual) and its up to me to get out of this and to enjoy the time I have left doing what I love the most and well... what comes after that... I will take it as it comes and love every minute of it... till then I will bitch and moan about not having MSN, no jeans, no music and no more freedom. It just became clear to me that there is a price tag attached to everything in this world.
Am sitting here sipping grape Nutrigen.
My blankie and my books are calling.
Am thinking that in a couple of days time I wouldn't be "ME" anymore. Many things will change in these couple of days. Part of me wants to stay awake every single day so that I get to enjoy every single moment of this... this wonderful endless posibility.
Am thinking that today at 3.26pm I signed away so many things and I am at a lost for words. I am caught into between crazy joy and heartfelt despair. Caught in a world of grey between the black and the white. I don't like being in the middle... but I don't quite feel like choosing.
I just want to crawl under my blankie, be Peter Pan-like and sleep or read or write my silly poems and happy ever after endings...
...yet in me there is this other part that wants to break free for awhile. Needs to see past the blankie, the books, the movies, the music, the scrapbooking and etc. The part of me that is 24 and wants to continue growing up and stop being Peter Pan-like. I want to wear the suit and be like how I envisioned myself 12 years ago.
Am sitting here sipping grape Nutrigen.
Am thinking that there are so many changes bound to happen and I suppose that no one can help me out of this (as usual) and its up to me to get out of this and to enjoy the time I have left doing what I love the most and well... what comes after that... I will take it as it comes and love every minute of it... till then I will bitch and moan about not having MSN, no jeans, no music and no more freedom. It just became clear to me that there is a price tag attached to everything in this world.
Am sitting here sipping grape Nutrigen.
My blankie and my books are calling.
1 comment:
I know how u feel.. there are days when I want to stay awake and not have to go asleep too because time is just too valuable.. You'd wonder, when oh when can I come back here to this time and this place, to just sit there doing what I love to do..
But reality is that we have to keep moving on.. To grow into something even more than before.. So I said to myself, since I have to do that, I might as well do something good and make it all worth while..
Again congrats!! I am sure you will like it.. if not you can always fall back to what you love to do.. It is always there waiting for you..
exeunt
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