At *Luna Bar*

Luna Bar was WOW!

I felt like I was on top of the world.

The music canteen awards night on Sunday (18/9/2005) was pretty good and I met a lot of old friends from SMKDU... its a small small world *grin* The food they served seemed like aphrodisiac food; they had oysters, strawberries and marshmellows you could dip with liquid chocolate, fruit tarts and more, more stuff. The sad part... no Long Island Tea or hard drinks -- in a way I guess it is a blessing in disguise.

I am so going to go back and drink till I am more merry and I will look at the glitterting lights of the city (they were like Fairy lights) and Genting in the distance (like a FairyLand in the middle of no where) and I will be super Happy and be drunk on yummy stuff and the beauty of the city.

A pic from Joyce's camera... here we are all together... The Poser, The Fairy, The Care Bear and The Possum *grin* I like this picture toos Joyce *grin grin grin* but the Possums eyes a little bit the sepet... Poor Child... hehehe... ~ Possum your eyes are oklah... *muaks*

Just My Ramblings...

There are so many things I want to talk about...
So many things that are on my mind.
Yet I find it difficult to sit down and actually get my thoughts down.
Its as if my I momentarily forgot how to write.
I miss those days when I could just pluck words for the air and make myself a poem or two. Gone are the days when those poems were printed almost weekly in The Star Youth2 as well.
I bearly have time to write these days though for the next couple of days, I am slightly free... 1/3 of my uni life is over but I have 2/3's of it to look "excitedly" towards and am TRYING so hard to make it through the 2/3's optimistically (its not really working - can you tell?).

My computer went all wonky today and as always I got blamed for it... so my life story! Was so upset that I couldn't enjoy my yummy dinner with the Possum and his folks. I logged on again and thank God everything is here though they are like all over the place at the moment - bleh! Make me panicky for no reason = bugger!

Well hopefully this writing block, rash and extra kilos will just leave me for good and I will those be so creative and write wonderfully, have flawless skin and be lighter... hoorah!!! One can certainly wish for small... okay quite large mircales once in awhile... *grin*

Anyways, its lates and I should be asleep... long day tomorrow...
Anyone going for the J Card Day sale at 1 Utama tomorrow??? Call me I need more shopping buddies... hehehe...

Another 1 down...

Just completed another assignment for Journalism Publication. I had to write about scrapbooking and blah blah and make it into a coherrent piece which could be publishable in a magazine. It was a pleasant assignment as compared to the other shittier ones that I have been doing and plus I do like scrapbooking. Makes me want to get out all the stuff and start on a project really.

Now that's one down and ... something something more to go...

*bleh*

I really need sleep by the way...

Been sleeping really really late everyday which is bad. My dad even sent me emails telling me how unhealthy it is... hehe... felt wierd recieving emails from my dad.

Oh yeah quite disappointed as the guys in Rooster aren't that hot in real life. Their photos online make them look soooo hot...

*bleh*

They lie!!! and right got no free CD also.

*bleh*

Well atleast I had fun though momentarily... hehehehe...

Oh yeah, thanks Ma, for the pizza... I so needed

"Happy Food"

~ I wish I could write more lengthier stuff... time time time... have less of 'em.

Up at 3.42am

*bleh*

The work pile NEVER seems to lessen.

*sigh*

I sense a burnout coming soon...

So I am going to think Happy Thoughts... lalalalala

Happy Thoughts...
Happy Thoughts...
Happy Thoughts...
Happy Thoughts...
Happy Thoughts...

*bleh*

NOT WORKING!!!

Maybe I should just forget about it and go get some sleep... Yeah that option sounds so tempting... a nice hot shower and my nice cool bed and my pillow which feels like cloud. (Everyone should get one of them!)

*Maybe tomorrow will be better yeah?*

~ Thanks Possum for the Ribena and ice cream... just what I needed *muaks*

The Ledge Of Choice...

These days I find myself peering over the ledge of choice, wondering about potential consequences and weighing all the various options in my head. Occasionally, I still succumb to jumping down into the unknown; sometimes on a good day I land feet first, but more often than not I have been falling flat on my face or flat on my back feeling more like a tortoise on its back wondering why their world has suddenly turned upside down.

I find that as days go by and I realize the severity of the actions and consequences in my life and the set responsibilities I have, I pull back gentley from the ledge and peer slowly below instead; afraid to disappoint or hurt those who care for me, those who have put their hope in me and also to avoid hurting myself. There is after all so much hurt and damage you can do to yourself before you realise that enough is enough.

I also realise that sometimes when there seems to be rough patches in our life, we tend to go on self-destructive modes, and it is only much later when we look around at the wreckage of our lives and wonder what provoked us to do the unthinkable. For me, I find that there is always potential risk and gain at the ledge of every choice in life and it’s up to the individual to discern what lies before them.

Mistakes can’t always be rectified, the past can’t be changed, words said cannot be recollected back, missed moments and opportunities fade away… that is what we have to remember. So the next time you are the uncertain ledge of choice, remember to make the right decision and whatever the outcome, never regret the things you have done, but think instead that everything happens in our life for a reason.

#@~ Party Nights ~@#

To ease the tension of the blardy assignments and to reward myself for not going out the entire duration of these assignments, I went out partying/clubbing. *FYI: I don’t do clubbing much and going clubbing is a big night out for me (So kesian, kan?)

~***~

- 3rd September 2005 -

The Possum and I went to BarFly in KL to celebrate his friend’s birthday. I didn’t really know the birthday girl but she seemed perfectly happy to divulge her feelings to me (She recently ended a 3 year relationship and was pissed at the ex and it was the whole “Men are scum of the earth type talk!”) over Black Label.

After being there for about 15 minutes, the phone rang and I was pleased to note that it was my ex D (we are really good friends still) and that he was at BarFly too - (Finally an escape from the sob stories I was listening to). His ex (the gf after me) was also there and both of us and his colleagues hung out. Some people might find it strange but D (my ex) and I have always had a good friendship after we broke up and N (his ex) get along pretty good as well.

Anyways, after a couple of vodka shots, a couple of Black Label and cokes, JD and cokes, half a jug of Long Island Tea and beer (it was a little of it)… I was a happy person. I was so chatty that I ended up at the table of a bunch of Aussies who were from Toowomba (where I am doing my distance learning from) and having a chat with the birthday girl’s new boyfriend and his friends. *FYI: The Possum was talking to the birthday girl's new boyfriend and ex who showed up!

It was about 3am when the Possum and I left BarFly and made our way home. Thank God there were no road blocks and I remember hazily that we were chewing a lot of mints and the Possum was driving at about 40km/h. the next thing I knew, I woke up the next day with a massive hangover and felt super sick for the entire weekend.

As a remedy, the Possum and I went for sushi @ Oh! Sushi in MidValley whilst my mum was getting a makeover from Christian Dior (her birthday present).

Yuppers… that was the first night of fun this month!

~***~

- 10th September 2005 -

I got an SMS from Ons in the evening saying that we were having a farewell-party-thingy for Carmen at this new club called “Soda Club” in Hartamas and I thought that since I hadn’t met up with the guys in awhile and since some of the blardy assignments were completed, I decided to go.

Before that I went to watch “All About My Dog” at the international screens in Midvalley with Nic, and was surprised that I did not bawl my eyes out as the show was quite emotional. This led me to wonder if I was becoming too hard and bitter… perhaps!

Anyways, Nic dropped me off at Spongy’s. Met Spongy’s dad who asked me if I had lost weight… before I could say something…

Spongy retorted…

“NOlah… its just that she’s wearing black!”

GAH!!!
(Actually quite truelah…but don’t need to say right! *Geeess Louise!*)

Anyways we took a slow drive to Hartamas as the other guys were on the way. We managed to catch up on things and it was good talking to him after so long. At the club, we met the guys and we all sat at the 2nd floor and just chilled out there the entire night though I did nip down to the lok-lok man to buy some of his goodies - (the foodlah ok?).

Well to sum it all up, we had a BLAST! Well I did anyways… and for once I was not that drunk, but was pleasantly high. We danced the night away (or I think we tried to dance anyways), had many "cheers" and we had many good laughs. The only thing missing was a camera to record these memories, though honestly I think I will remember this night for some time to come.

Thanks guys for the fun fun fun night!

And now as I sit here and write this, I thank God that I don’t have another hangover *grin*, and that I did atleast have 2 fun nights so far... though at the back of mind, I can't stop the nagging thoughts of up and coming assignments and the like *bleh*.

This blardy 2 weeks...

These past 2 weeks have been... shitty!

With a part time job (which I love) and 4 external papers done via distance learning, I barely have enough time to do the things that I want to such as read, my arts stuff, watch movies or just hang out with the Possum or my friends at the mamak; and now the admin staff announced that I have to take another subject (News Blardy Editing – HATE it!) or I will not be able to graduate as planned in April 2006.

Blardy Hoorah! (Said sarcastically mind you…)

Then there are the assignments. There is one every blardy week and you hardly get time off before you have to start on another one. The past 2 weeks has seen me rushing for deadline after deadline and sleeping a maximum of 5 hours a day. *triple sigh*

It certainly doesn’t help when your tutor tells you on the day of submission that your assignment is full of shit and is nothing but crap (a first for me!) and flings the thing in front of your stricken face! –

So there I was blardy panicking about the blardy assignments and praying to God to just let me get this over and done with. I just want to pass now. I don’t need the A’s anymore!!! Really… (Of course I am still crossing my fingers and toes that I WILL do well but it’s not very likely from where I stand at the moment – but then miracles do happen, so there might be a slight chance…)

The blardy assignments are still pouring in and I am freaking out and being all blardy jumpy and strange. I tripped on the staircase one morning on the way up to my room and I nearly fell backwards and there was this thought in my mind ‘Yeah just fall… it would put your out of your blardy misery!’

Needless to say I was freaked out that I could think that way. I mean I have contemplated suicide before, but it’s weird when suddenly you just want to let go like that without having thought things through. Then there were those times crossing the freaking blardy busy road to get to college and I thought to myself that maybe if I was a little slower I might get hit and wouldn’t have to do the blardy assignment.
I sound so messed up and demented, kan?

Anyways, the worst is over (or so I think) and I am slightly more relaxed now. I should be at mass now but I didn’t have any transport… okay fine… I am blardy lazy. Bleh! I feel so sinful and crazed now… but I guess God sees me the little looney here in the computer rooming tapping on the keyboard and He feels this wave of compassion for me and will forgive me (More wishful thinking!).

** Do something nice for someone today and remember the victims of 9/11 and pray that terrorism and all forms of war and oppression will end. **

MERDEKA! MERDEKA! and MERDEKA!

Merdeka came and went and the sense of patriotism that I briefly felt whilst watching commercials on telly and hearing those 3 words "MERDEKA! MERDEKA! MERDEKA!" on the radio disappeared like the remnants of the fireworks that sparkled momentarily in the night’s sky over certain areas in the city.

I sat with the Possum, hopefully awaiting Ekano's repeat of the previous years spectacular display of fireworks but was sorely disappointed when the only fireworks I saw that night came from somewhere quite far of.

So there we sat dejectedly in the car somewhere near Damansara Perdana, a can of Shandy between us and a cold large thin crust aloha chicken pizza from Domino's in the backseat waiting to be consumed. After moments of waiting for... something... anything... we left. We went to the Possum's house and watched "Duece Bigalow: European Gigolo" and played Burnout 3 on PS2 till 5am in the morning. Filled with pizza and juice and sinful bittersweet chocolate, I curled up in a ball and slept.

I suppose I never fully appreciated what “MERDEKA!” really was all about. After all, I am blessed to have been born and raised in a country which is relatively peaceful. Even when riots rocked us and made us fear the unknown future, I was safe; protected in this shell where nothing could harm me. So I suppose I was never really thankful for living in a peaceful country and for appreciating our forefathers/mothers for fighting for this independence. the sacrifices they made seem foreign and too far back in ‘sejarah’ to even be thought about.

Even before I wrote the article '48 Reasons Why I Love Malaysia’ I already had realised that though not exactly perfect, Malaysia was indeed a wonderful place to live in.

Although I did not wave the Malaysian flag from my roof top, hang up unnecessary amounts of flags all over my house and car, or cry emotional whilst screaming “MERDEKA! MERDEKA! MERDEKA!” on top of my lungs not participate or go for any celebrations or parades, I am truly thankful for being a Malaysian.