It’s Only the Beginning

As most of you are aware, I have officially resigned from my job {if you have not, you can read "I am going to Explore"}. So starting from today, I begin my new life. I am not jobless per se, I am doing some freelance writing which is great but I am also trying out some new ideas and things. Anyways, the plans aren't quite finalised yet, but I have to say that I am quite eager to begin and hope my motivation and drive continues. I will definitely be posting about things I will be doing while I am on a break and share with you all the things that I was supposed to blog about but never got around to doing *snickers* my bad!

Well, I thought I would start this new phase of my life with a post {more like a vent-ish/emo whinge fest} about how it felt to leave my company. I sent it to several of my colleagues and some of them kinda understood how I felt which was great. To be honest, I am still coming to terms with the fact that I will no longer be working in XYZ Company, after all it has been in my 'blood' for 4.6 years already... but then I am sure I will embrace this new phase of life and enjoy it to its fullest.

Enjoy the read... it's a little long *smiles* 

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Starting point

Frankly speaking, I don’t know what possessed me to join  XYZ Company on that slightly humid afternoon on October 16, 2007. Perhaps it was a challenge to see if I could grow in an environment that was totally alien to me; after all I could not speak a word of Chinese if my life depended on it and I possessed the financial knowledge of an ant OR perhaps it was because I would be a third generation “banker” in the family OR perhaps the interviewer just sold the job to me.

And so in a strangely wonderful {sometimes divine} turn of events, this un-financially savvy ‘banana’ managed to survive and grow {12.5 kg’s more} in XYZ Company.

She does what?

Public relations. Corporate communications.  Branding. Corporate Affairs. A cost centre. My line of work which is a mystery to many but which can be categorized under peon or office mule, has been honestly pretty good. I work at times alone, at times with others though always behind the scenes {sometimes in front of the microphone} making sure things flow the way they ought to. It’s a job mostly overlooked {unless something bad happens} but a job that brings me joy nonetheless. I have also been fortunate to be provided so many opportunities to be involved in many activities that took me around Malaysia and even out of Malaysia a couple of times. Plus it is also a blessing to have worked with very talented and strong people {mostly women} during my tenure here.

There have been very few dull moments in  XYZ Company though there are yearly routines that I go through eg.  media and analysts briefings after the announcement of the Q4 results, annual report season, a boss I report to leaving each year and etc. I tend to cringe however when I am sent on missions to find peculiar items like crystal or pewter at the very last minute which results in my increase of grey hairs and blood pressure, but I try to pretend they are top secret missions to amuse myself. Dinners, rallies, launches, briefings, roundtables. Speeches, invitations, press releases, briefing documents, emcee-ing. I have done them all. All good lessons. Mostly good memories.

Friends and then some

Through the 4.6ish years of being in  XYZ Company, I have also managed to acquire many good friends {80% who has since left} and even a husband. No! The rumors are not true. I did not meet my husband in the elevator nor at a meeting. We were friends before XYZ Company but it was through car pooling and lunches and breakfasts and dinners that we grew close and eventually decided to get married.

It is truly a joy to walk around XYZ Company and wave or share a smile with so many people. I will miss them… mostly the people overlooked like the funny DHL guys in the mailing room, the friendly tea ladies in their bright pink tops {I own a similar top and since realizing it was of a similar colour as the tea ladies, never wore again to XYZ Company}, the chatty receptionists with the latest gossip, the ever helpful KL Main staff who responds to my strange banking queries and the cleaners with their stories. Of course I would also miss my colleagues, my lunch buddies, the people I worked with on projects and to a certain extent the bosses for at the end of the day they have shaped my career here in XYZ Company .

Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.

So perhaps you are now wondering why I decided to finally print out the resignation letter that has sat snugly for several months on my desktop in a folder named “one day”… Why I choose to leave XYZ Company with its many memories and familiar faces… Why I would give up this lovely spot on the 8^th floor at this exciting juncture with no exciting, high paying, awesome possum job lined up before me...

Well, perhaps I have grown too fond of my safe routine. Perhaps I have become too unmotivated after changing bosses several times. Perhaps the joy that I once felt working here in XYZ Company was replaced by other not so positive feelings. Perhaps the pay leaves much to be desired for. Perhaps I decided not to tolerate individuals with the better than thou attitudes. Perhaps I long for a place where people stood up for what they believed in instead of blindly following without question. Perhaps I no longer wanted to be silent. Perhaps I decided that 30 was a year for exploring. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.

It’s not the end. It’s only the beginning.

So it is with a heavy heart and a 12.5kg heavier self that I leave this oddly shaped, slightly squat building. I painstakingly clear out my desk and bin stacks of paper only I thought were important and I wonder if anyone will miss my presence and if I had somehow managed to touch, help or change someone’s life in some small miniscule way. And then my mind drifts off to the words people will utter when my name gets mentioned in some off handed way after I have left and how much blame would be heaped onto my shoulders when I am not around to defend myself. I am hoping that it’s not the case but from what I have witnessed… my shoulders would sag pretty soon. However, I am ever hopeful though that my contributions however small will not be forgotten.

Comments about being irresponsible, wasting opportunities, and the like flutter about in my mind like angry hornets but I squash them into the bin along with old presentations and reports now rendered useless. I smile amusingly to myself when I recall the way people congratulate me on leaving XYZ Company. They congratulate me that I have managed to escape. They tell me that I am lucky to leave because they would if they could but responsibilities, loans and life are obstacles in their path… and I tell them I understand that I too face these same problems though I have no children to worry about as of yet… but then again I remind them that it’s not because of luck that I am leaving now. It is a choice that I made. It is an act done after praying for guidance and questioning my sanity. It is an act done with the support and backing of so many family and friends.

So in conclusion, I choose to leave the familiar womb and home that XYZ Company has become for something new because it just had to be done. But to be frightfully honest and frank, to a certain extent, if I could, I would not leave, but because things are the way they are, I would rather tighten my belt and purse strings and start tidying up my resume than to be here at this moment. Such is the extent of my discomfort and despair.

But now {insert sunshine and smiles} is not the time to be sad, nor reminiscence about “those good old days in XYZ Company before things changed”. It is a time to look forward. It is a time to look for opportunities in challenging times. It is a time to don my slippers, jeans and t-shirts full time and to meander aimlessly through shopping centres during working hours and watch movies in half empty cinemas. It is a time to uncap my pen and the let the words loose. It is a time to put on my creative hat and drag out the arts and crafts supplies gathering dust in the corner. It is time to explore new places and dive into books yet untouched. It is a time of “goodbyes”, “see you soon’s” and “I hope I don’t see your poopy faces again”. It is a time of celebration, of joy, of change.

It’s not the end. It’s only the beginning.