My 23rd Valentines Day...

I remember that when I was 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 and 22 years old, I would wait every year for Valentines Day to come around. I would browse the card section at Memory Lane and choose the card that I would most like to receive. I would then set about conjuring up images of the crush of the moment (a secret admirer would be alright as well) sending me that card along with a bunch of beautiful roses with babies breath, ribbons, crushed paper and green ferns or some cuddly cute teddy bear.

I remember so clearly every year in school when certain societies would sell roses and cards and stuff like that... and I would fervently pray to receive one... just ONE... from someone the said crush of the moment. Flowers came at times, though they were from wonderful friends of mine (thanks for the thought!) and never from a crush.

So my young idiot self thought that I was never good enough for the bouquets or the stalks or the cards or the gifts and as each year passed, the hope it me dimmed a little. I figured that in life there were: a) the girls that got the damn bouquets every year b) the girls that never got the bouquets or the stalks c) the girls that sent flowers to themselves and pretended that some admirer had sent them and d) the girls that just never really cared about the freaking flowers begin with. I am such a B girl... *sigh sigh*

And so for the past 11 years, I have been waiting...

I have waited hopefully for so long that in some way I stopped believing that the said crush or boyfriend or admirer would ever come. Sure I have gotten flowers before... but never a bouquet on Valentines Day... but things changed on my 23rd Valentines Day.

I GOT A BOUQUET!!!
HOORAH!!! There is HOPE...
There is a God who said...
"ITS TIME FOR
MISS HOPEFUL'S BOUQUET
TO ARRIVE!!!"
*HOORAH!!!*

How silly of me to get so excited about these girly things... me the queen burper herself. But I love flowers and have always loved them and pined for them and now I have them. A magnificent bunch of lovely pink roses with white babies breath, green ferns and gorgeous purple flowers (dont know what they are) all tied with huge assssss pink ribbon and crushed pink and purple paper. Everything I have ever dreamt and fantasised of and wanted! *swoon swoon* What a surprise! *grin grin*

The Possum gave them to me if you we were wondering. He has some pretty interesting things under his sleeve this year. Perhaps he feels me slipping away... maybe he feels like he should buck up... I don't know... but there was the bouquet in his arms this morning when he woke me up at an ungodly hour of 9.36am. I went out squinting in my pj's and there he was with the flowers. I wanted to die and melt in a puddle of mush and goo. Then there was the dinner at Prego's at Westin, the Hallmark Valentines Day card, the whole open the doors thingy and the postcards sent from South Africa. *grin grin* I am smiling now as I type but in my heart I feel bad, I feel guilty and I feel happy all at the same time.

That's the wonder of the human heart is it not? To feel love, contempt, anger, hurt, sadness, jealously, guilt, happiness, hope and joy all at the same time... The night of my 23rd Valentines Day after Prego was spent at Alisan mamak with a couple of my friends and then back home here in front of the pc typing out my thoughts. On a sad note though, I received a message from a friend on Friendster, message 70, and it tore my heart into pieces. I hate messages like that. So I promptly deleted it and realised that it didn't quite matter anymore what the message was... I had known it all along.

So I erase that sad thought from my head, I wipe a tear that strayed from my eye to my cheek and I think of the bouquet and hopeful days to come. Tonight I think I will sleep with a smile on my face. Thanks for remembering how to make me smile when I am adamant on not smiling. Thanks Possum for making one of my dreams come true *smile smile*