Triggers

Sometimes:
A word
An email
A call
An SMS
A message
A laugh
A joke
A pep talk
A glance
A tear
A smirk
A wink
A look
A sentence
A smile
A frown
An action
A song
A sound
A voice
A scene
A smell

Can make me:
Hyper
Happy
Joyful
Enthusiastic
Hopeful
Upset

Hurt
Scream
Smile
Cry
Laugh
Hate
Jealous
Crazy
Emotional
Heartbroken
Suicidal
Think
Regret
Love

Files and Folders...

I wanted to blog about things.

Many many things.

But instead I am sorting out my files and folders

and FB-ing *hehehe*

There are so many files and folders...

I want to go home.

That lingering feeling

The relentless lingering feeling I have been experiencing, of not being able to write or create stems ffrom the fact that I am older, harder,

more bitter, more melanchoic and more tainted.

Its like a bad dose of constipation... emotional constipation.

A bad case of writers block. A dam to whatever creative flow I had in me.

Its a horrible accumalation of feelings and experiences best forgotten.

Suddenly to articulate the words,

to pen down my thoughts on paper is a task so great

that at times I wonder if I can just do it...

Write and write and write.

Create and paint and draw.

But there seem to be layers upon layers of emotion surrounding everything.

Yet there, in all the self-confusion and self-inflicted layers ,

the fact remains that with the knowledge that you are loved,

it is possible to work your way out of the gloom, the insecurities, the confusion

and the muddy waters you have placed around and in yourself.

Love truly is like a beacon,

a ray of hope that shines intoxicatingly.

It beckons you to come closer, to let go, to be free of it all...

I am letting go...

but will you be there to catch me?

I fear

I fear that I can't write nor speak proper anymore.

The words are lopsided, haphazard, a jumble of thoughts colliding out of sight.

Its just the words and actions that don't seem to come out right.

It seems that everything I say is wrong.

I have lost the meaning...

forgotten the lyrics to my inner song.

I miss writing.

I miss speaking.

I miss the words that were always my companion.

I miss you my best friend,my supporter, my champion.

I fear that I can't write nor speak proper anymore.

I fear I am losing you

as I did before.

I don't want to lose you.

What the heart knows

What the heart knows
Cannot be described
Cannot be explained
Cannot be expressed
It’s just a feeling
It’s just a knowing
It wonders if it is all just a game.

Go Foward

Somtimes in order to go forward,

You need to take a few steps back.

~ Kiss Me ~

I turn to mush everytime you kiss me *grin*

Scraping the surface

There should be more that I am doing…
I feel like I am barely scraping the surface of what I can do.
At times like this, I feel like I am a kite that is blown about by the wind
Letting the tides and the people around me dictate what I do.
Things have got to change.