I just realized how difficult it is to pretend that I don’t know you.
It’s amazing how my heart raced with anticipation knowing that I had free tickets to a fancy dinner and movie that I have been anticipating, for I had thought that my heart would have forgotten such lovely childish delights such as these.
I thought excitedly of how perhaps I could ask you along for this excursion of sorts as I used to do not so very long ago…
It’s astonishing how my hand automatically reached for my hand phone and how my fingers nimbly found your name in the address book and hastily typed out a message to you.
It’s equally astounding that my mind screams at me at the same time my fingers dance on the keypad, telling me… screaming at me to NOT press the send button, to not call you, to not speak to you… to go on pretending that you don’t exist… to go on playing this game of charades… for this is what you want is it not?
But soon with the passing of time, I fear that my heart will not race with the exhilaration I once felt when I think of you and how it felt to just hangout with you, eating and drinking, talking and sighing. I shall miss that feeling…
And should similar offers come my way, or should a weekend or night drag on before me, my hands will as they always do, reach for my hand phone… but my fingers will be idle on the keypad and my thoughts will be drawn to the boy I once knew, the one I could call or SMS without reservation or doubt at all hours of the day, the one who strangely gave pretty decent advice and listened to my strange thoughts without judgment, the one who sighed with me and 'layaned' my ramblings… and perhaps then I will sport a grin when I think of him and the moments we shared.
I can’t help but wish it didn’t have to be this way…
I miss your friendship.