Another new journey...

Today marks a new beginning for me.

Another new journey...

I have a slightly torn heart at the moment...

its slightly worn out and scruffy,

quite abit of stuffing has come out

and the shape is all wrong.

My grand uncle (my granny's brother) passed away today and my mum is feeling very sad. She doesn't want to talk about missing my granny... I guess she doesn't quite know the words.

I miss my granny... I wish she was here...

Sunshine is no longer mine... I dont' want to talk about it as well cos I don't quite know the words to express what I feel inside. All I know is that I my heart is like a roller coaster of emotions, one minute sad, another happy, another melancholic, another hopeful, another teary, another crazy, another miserable... and I know that my day is not complete without speaking to him, without hearing say ILU ILU to me... but I guess my days will one day be complete again... hopefully soon.

I have a lump in my throat the size of... I don't know what.

I also have hot tears that burn through my already tired and bruised eyes.

I wish the pain would go away but I know that there are pains much worse than this and that eventually this pain will throb less and less and will eventually seize to exist...

This has been a really hard year... losing the people I love the most, physically and emotionally is so very very tiring. Work keeps me going but at home in the confines of my sanctuary... there is nothing that keeps my tears at bay... nothing restrains the memories that dance in and out of my mind in a crazy waltz.

I miss you Sunshine with all my heart...

I will waiting for the rainbows to appear...

May God bless the paths that I take and bless the choices that I make...

Faith & Hope

Am listening to "A 100 Billion Stars" by Lux and am just wishing that I could have a holiday tomorrow. I am so tired... I am tired of missing you, I am tired of putting up with your crap and I am just tired with all the work that I have to do...

but yet thankfully, Faith keeps me going and Hope lights the way......

A new week is looming ahead, I have a feeling its going to be great *smiles*

I want to be a child again

Children are happy

because they don't yet have a file in their minds

called ALL THE THINGS THAT COULD GO WRONG.

They don't have a mind-set

that puts THINGS TO FEAR

before THINGS TO LOVE

~ Marianne Williamson, Illuminata ~

~*~*~*~

I want to be a child again...

The little girl with the yellow hair band and

pink frilly frock

making birthday wishes

of everlasting happiness...

I-Miss-You-Days

Somedays I miss you so much that it aches..

I long to tell you that I miss you... to hear you say that you miss me too...

but I keep the words I long to say inside, close to my heart

afraid to utter the words out loud

afraid to let you know how I really feel.

Today is also the day when I feel that I don't really like me

and I wish I was anyone but me.

I wish I could morph into what you want me to be...

but when I stare at my reflection in the ever truthful mirror,

I am fully aware that this is 'me'... just me...

plain and imperfect, a stranger at times even to myself

and just *DreamWeaver* to you...

Today is just one of those strange days when I don't know what I am doing...

don't quite know where I am heading

and don't quite know what I believe in.

Today is just one of those 'I miss you days'...

~ I miss you ~