Friday, October 14, 2005

A rough day.

I have had a rough day.
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Didn't get enough work done...
Got yelled at buy my parents for no reason...
Had to do chores...
It was too noisy to blardy study...
Felt guilty that I didn't get enough work done...
Have blardy rash on my face...
Am putting on weight regardless of eating a meal less...
... and the list could go on to include the blardy ants
that are blardy annoying me and like eating everything in sight
or the fact that one minute it is hot and the next it is raining!
Maybe I am just PMSing...

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Honestly, I don't want to yell at you...
I dont' want to be called a "mother"...
I dont' want to "mother" you either...
I don't want to get upset because getting upset
because of this and all the little shitty things
that happened throughout my day stresses me
and makes me unable to study or concentrate
on the important things in life.
~*~*~
These days I have to be like a bloody grownup and I don't want that. I have to do more chores whilst my brother doesn't even lift a finger and my folks are starting to share all their problems with me which adds to my growing list of problems... and so I have to stop thinking about me and to think about others... HOORAH! More blardy problems which increases the feeling of "helplessness". Before I even have a job my parents are telling me the amounts I have to pay in terms of bills, loans and blah and I did a quick calculation and well with a salary of RM1600 I will about RM50 for savings if I really skimp and save *sob sob*... There goes Aussie, my DVDs, books, car, digi cam, new clothes and shoes and new hifi.
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Pressure...
Stress...
and then you come along
and tell me that I mother you...
Seriously, if you were in my position
you would have done the same thing
or something else!
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Really, I just want peace in my life...
Concentration and wisdom to bloody get my work done...
Hope that things will get better... Faith to believe that it will
and of course Love to make all things worth while.
*I am sorry for writing that crap... but
that is how I really felt at that moment...
Actually it was much worse, but I couldn't
find words to express it...
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And to think that the day has just begun...
But I know that when I go to sleep
and when I wake up tomorrow,
everything will be okay again...
and today will be like a bad dream.

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