Monday, July 31, 2006

We Will Remember Them

Talking about unity and nationhood reminds me that tomorrow, July 31, is our Remembrance Day. On that very day last year I wrote two short columns on “The Real Ties That Bind” and “Lest We Forget Our Remembrance Day”.
I will not forget Remembrance Day and all it means to me. The long phalanx of our fallen heroes of all races and creeds will pass before my eyes as I remember them. As I look around at the myriad edifices and testimonials of our tremendous progress since those last dark days of colonial subjugation, I cannot but thank them for their supreme sacrifice.

“They went with songs to battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old,
As we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, not the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.”

(Laurence Binyon b.1869)

On this day too, my heart will go out to all the innocent people killed and still being killed in the conflicts around us particularly in the Middle East, Afghanistan and Africa – poor children. Poor sick and inform, poor women.
To all freedom fighters who against injustice, colonialism, oppression and occupation, I offer you my best salute,
May God be with you.


The following was taken from an article in The SundayStar, 30 July 2006, and as I read the papers of the past week and read the words from this article I think about the fragility of life and the innocent people and people of sacrificed themselves for a greater cause, the cause of peace.

So many lives are lost each day. Children who will never see their parents again, who will never experience their first kiss or play with their Barbie Dolls, or go to school or even have any of their own children or even to smile with their toothy grins. Children who were taken away too fast… too soon.

Each day there are innocents being killed in their sleep, people being persecuted, people being murdered, raped and violated and we sit in our own homes and watch television and MTV and worry about what we are going to eat for dinner. We watch the horrors on TV and thank God we are in a sae country but when the TV is turned to AXN or HBO, we forget the horrors we saw and push it out of our mind lest we upset ourselves too much.

What can we do? A friend once asked me. We are only one!

And I was at a lost for words because although my heart aches every time I read and see pictures and footage of war torn countries, or countries devastated by natural disasters, my heart breaks a little and I feel my eyes tearing and my nose clogging but I am at a lost of what to do. Surely the Lord has put me here on earth for something?

Although I am one, I can change the world I believe.
Yes you nod to yourself; the little idealist in her speaks again. The fairies are talking to her and she is in her little world of fairy tales. But all great heroes, all great people with visions believed in themselves, in the power that they had to change the world or to make a difference… even though they never could save an entire planet, to save even one soul or one heart from breaking would be reward enough in my eyes and I am sure in theirs too.

Sometimes I think we tend to live so much for ourselves that we cannot see beyond that circle of “us”. We always want better things for us; I do not deny I myself am as such. But lately I have begun to wonder about others around me that need so much help and who are in such dire situations. Who have lost everything and yet can smile… while I with the sulky expression flounce of to my room to sulk some more when denied the remote control to watch a different programme. What or Who gives them the strength to go on? God and your family and loved ones I suppose or your own sheer self determination.

I don’t know where my ramblings or my post is going. Its too big a topic to touch on especially for a lunch hour rambling… but I just know that life is meant to be more than what I have now. It is more than the social outings I go to occasionally, more than the clothes I buy, the movies I see, the places I have been. I am trying to find out that missing piece in my life and to fill the emptiness and to stop the tears from falling each time I read about the pain that has been inflicted on others.

The gift of empathy, a gift of sympathy, compassion and of understanding has been bestowed upon me by the Holy Spirit I was told once by a priest while on retreat on a mountain several years ago. Use your gift do not keep it inside. Perhaps its mumbo jumbo to you guys but I believe in it whole heartedly and I will try to fix that pain I see in my own way and perhaps one day, the pain will finally end for someone and my emptiness will be filled.
But for now, I will remember them all of them who have sarificed their lives and their time to help others, the people who have suffered, who have died and who have lost everything they have and I pray that in time they may find happiness and peace in their lives.


Its Sunday night...
okay... Bugger it...
It's actually early Monday morning.
It's like the days are passing by so quickly and everything that I wanted to do hasn't been done and I just keep seeing the dates past but I don't feel like I have achieved anything. This is terrible... *sigh* I want the weekends to slow down but I want the working days to go by swiftly.
~ God can you hear me??? Please hear me!
*sob sob*
This weekend is going to be one busy one... :(
I want the weekend to come faster. I want to relax and be with my family...
I think I need a hug...

Friday, July 28, 2006

A Funny Thing - Time...

It’s a funny thing –
Just last week I was flying high
like a kite without its string,
like a hot air balloon that some errant child let loose.

And today…
Today I feel like I am wearing leaded shoes
that make walking so difficult,
I feel like a stress ball
which has lost its squeezy-squashiness.
I feel deflated like a once pretty party balloon
now left too long in the open,
appears shrunken and shrivelled…

Time is a funny thing.
Just seven days can change so many things.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

That Feeling!

“For a little while,
let's pretend everything is beautiful in this world...”

Have you ever read a really really good book and then was so disappointed that it ended because the storyline, the characeters and the plot was so riveting that you basically felt like you knew the characters themselves?

Or have you read a really interesting story, one where you could not stop flipping the pages, even deserting your friends, family and food just so you could read and then realised that the last few chapters were missing so that at that moment of suspense, you would never really know the ending?

Or have you ever watched a movie at the most suspenseful climactic part and the power gets cut or the VCD/DVD hangs or something shitty happened so that you would once again not know the outcome?

I just hate that kind of feeling…
The feeling of not being fulfilled… of wondering what could have been…
Yes I hate that feeling…
And I am experiencing it now…
But there is no story to read, no book to buy, no VCD/DVD to view again when these things happen in real life…

I guess this feeling is somewhat uncontrollable and I am finding that my life being tugged by some undercurrent which I don’t quite understand and I guess…
as it is such with these things… only time will tell.

I wish though that I will like what time will tell me…
And while I wait patiently for that day,
I pray my soul, mind and heart will rest in peace.
And YES,
"For a little while,
I will pretend that everything is beautiful in this world..."

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Talking To Your Emotions...

Talking To Your Emotions: How To Heal Your Life Quickly!
By Rino Soriano - holistic health coach
What most people don't realize is that emotions are real things. The word E-Motion means energy in motion. Emotions become real the second you create them. However, where most people go wrong is they suppress them because they feel no right to have those feelings on an unconscious level. So then they bury these feelings and they sit there and grow waiting to get your full attention. These emotions become real like people and want to be honored and acknowledged. The more you ignore them, the bigger they impact your life because they want you to pay attention to them. If you keep hiding them or suppressing them, well, then they say ok...I will get your attention soon enough.

So, the key is to feel your emotions completely. If you have to cry for days then cry, if you feel like being alone then tell the people in your life you want space. Feel your emotions in their full capacity. They then fade into nothingness because they have been honored, felt and expressed. If you can really master this you can have dramatic shifts in your health, career, finances and relationships in a short period of time. This above all else will get you to optimum health and an amazing life faster than anything else.

Life events come into your life to teach you something. The Universe is always steering you where you are meant to be. When you resist and fight to have it your way, well, then you will get zinged because sometimes what your EGO wants is not what the Universe (Creator) has in store for you. It is kind of like getting into a raft and then letting the current of the stream take you for a ride. You don't have to paddle or apply any effort. The energy of the water is carrying you. However, when you try to go against the stream or go upstream as many people want to do in life, well, you end up exhausted, angry, bitter and completely confused. The key is to LET GO & ENJOY THE RIDE.

Essentially, illness, struggle, and drama is not trusting the process of life and wanting to go against the stream. The magic comes when you can learn to trust the Universe and LET GO, really let go and stop trying to control everything in life.

Perhaps, you getting fired from your job was the Universe attempting to tell you that you are now meant to do something else or perhaps it is a lesson of forgiveness and understanding or perhaps the Universe is steering you down a different path because maybe you are meant to do great things in life by helping people. Maybe, there is another profession that you are meant to do that will help more people than you were able to in your last profession.

Can you see this? On a spiritual level, the Universe is always out for your best interest. You must learn to surrender to the Infinite Intelligence that created this amazing Universe and beyond. Do you think that the Creator would cause you to suffer or steer you down the wrong path? The Creator that created everything you see and the perfection of all of you for one minute think that it would mess your life up by pointing you in the wrong direction? IT IS ALL PERFECT.

The EGO doesn't want you to see that because to see your life that way would mean the end of it...THE EGO,the false self that has taken control of your life all these years. That is your mission in this life, to merge back with your spirit and surrender all the illusions of the EGO. This is the place of magic, healing, happiness, health, joy and freedom. Exercise For Rapid Emotional Healing

So, for rapid emotional healing you must go deep within yourself and ask...what am I really feeling? Then write down what comes up. Let those feelings be there for the moment. Honor those feelings and talk to them and say..."I know you are there...I feel you". Tell those feelings that it is ok to express themselves. Let whatever comes simply express itself. If it is anger be angry...if it is frustration be frustrated...if it is bitterness then be bitter. Allow the emotions to fully express themselves. Keep your concentration on the center of the feeling. You will find that when you are honest with your feelings and really acknowledge them and express them fully....after, these feelings will fade away.
So I suppose its okay if I throw a temper tantrum right now because I am pissed mad... or perhaps I can go to the loo now and sob my eyes out because part of my heart is breaking... or perhaps I can just go smash everyones elses monitor, call all the arse-of-ppl-that-are-my-clients and tell them that THEY SUCK, tell everyone that pisses me off what I really think about them and perhaps I can blast my media player and dance to Body Rockers right now!
- silence-
I think my emotions are pissed at me.
They are asking me to shut up and just go home...
I should so go home...
I want to sleep in my nice comfy slightly saggy thin matteress with my new lovely Butterfly sheets with the air con on and lovely sounds of nature aroun me (from the CD of course) and perhaps someone beside me would add to the niceness of the day...
My emotions say I should stop my wishful thinking and start the planning.
~hoorah hoorah~
My emotions now say that I should go in the loo and cry because suddenly my heart aches for something unnamable
~sob sob~
My emotions are saying that I should just erase this post because people would think I am going crazy. They till not be wrong.
My emotions are asleep for awhile...
I think I can manage without them for abit.
p.s: Excuse my madness... its the last Tuesday!

Monday, July 24, 2006

I am "Trying"...

In times of workload, the past week hasn’t been all that busy though I have to say that I find myself standing up for myself more than I have done previously. I am not totally changed from my “doormat” status, but atleast it’s a progression of sorts.

Have managed to watch several movies recently the best being “CLICK” ~ I cried buckets, “Slither” being the grossest, “Pirates 2” being the most boringest for me, “Re-Cycle” being the dumbest and as for the rest… I can’t remember what I watched actually – poor memory due to old age!

Things have some what changed in my life. The emergence of a new friend and a lost of you is really pressing. Do things have to be this way? You win but you have to lose… *sigh* I miss you already but I guess this is the choice you made and I don’t know what else to do to keep you… and as for you my new friend, thanks for everything *smiles* its been fun and I will always remember these days although I have a sinking feeling that as the days pass, we will not be as close anymore... *sigh* -_-
(pops Rocky/Pocky in mouth)

Yup I can foresee them empty days…
Perhaps it’s a good time to begin writing again or to finally meet up with Shan, Gerard (who will be leaving again next month – sob!) and Swan (my student exchange friend) who is back for the hols… or just to catch up with myself… but hmmm… missing you and knowing that there is going to be empty days ahead is just not a very motivating thing really.

Anyways, its back to work for me…
The endless grind of it…
But then I guess that’s life…
Work just another stage of life…
and after this stage I have to look forward to retirement…
too bad its like almost 30 and a ½ years away!
What joy!!!

My end note would be that I am “trying” to enjoy working. I am “trying” to make the most of my life. I am “trying” to detach myself away from you ~ its not really working, I am “trying” to make this world a better place. I am “trying” to find the reason for being alive. I am “trying” to let you go and forget you… but it’s hard and I don’t quite want to let you go or forget you… but then I suppose that as long as I am “trying” it will be okay in the end, right?

Friday, July 21, 2006

Wreck Of The Day

"Wreck Of The Day"
~ Anna Nalick ~
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cuz love doesnt hurt
so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces
And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love


The Happy Bubble has popped!
~ SIGH ~

Monday, July 17, 2006

Just One!

One moment.
One photo.
One movie.
One smile.
One dance.
One shuffle.
One busride.
One mocha.
One call.
One SMS.
and everything changed...
and at this moment, I am happy.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Mini Me...

"A person is only as big as the dream they dare to live." -Unknown

DANG! I must be miniscule. *sniff*

Anyways, was reading an email a friend sent to me and he wrote *Penganyam Mimpi* which of course translates to *Dream Weaver*. But the whole Malay version seems much cuter… *hehehe* thanks Ezli.

Am eating Fruittella cream (raspberry cream sweet) and waiting for lunch break to end. Arrrggghhh… its ends…

Monday, July 10, 2006

Love Perhaps...

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The moon was full that night though obscured by clouds that treated to burst.
The air was humid though there was a whisper of a breeze so soft you could hardly feel it.

She looked at him.
He looked at her.

She said in a jokish manner so as to appear nonchalant
“So do you love me? Have you ever loved me?”…

She waited hardly daring to breathe.

The seconds ticked by and the minute hands dragged on..
And finally he said, “I did and I still do… Do you?”

And she breathed out her hopes and wishes
which were heard high above in the Heavens.

She then said…
Love perhaps is not enough for now,
but then again love perhaps could one day bring us together.”

The sky cleared a little and the stars shone…
or were they just the tears unshed glimmering in her eyes
as she walked away not looking back afraid to say more…

He just stared after her and let her go…

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Building Castles in the Air

"Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." - Henry David Thoreau

Building castles in the air has been my favourite past time of late.
I have been seriously bogged down with work… (am blogging at work whilst waiting for client to approve work) – think leaving at 5am and going back to work at 8.30am kind of busy – and yet some times at very unexpected moments I go into dream mode. I guess that is the only thing that keeps me sane really. If I don’t have those lil’ day dreams to spur me on, I think I would be a crazy looney by now.

Anyways, today hasn’t been that bad. I expected the work pile to be that of the Petronas Twin Towers but it was manageable and I actually finished my work ahead of time but have to wait for the client to get some work done – BAH! I should be home… I am alone again at the office. Seriously thinking of bringing like my comfort clothes here so that when I work late at least I will be in comfy clothes. But imagining my boss giving me the evil eye is enough to make me forget that whole idea.

Well since I still have nothing to do and am waiting here, I will recap what happened during the past week.
The Past Week.
The past week saw me basically living in the office and me wishing that I could shout at my client. They just don’t get the word FINAL. Gawd… idiots I tell you!!! Anyways, yeah… so stayed back at work everyday and managed to get through the week ~ Thank You God again! *smile* And then all too soon the weekend came… and it didn’t quite go the way I planned but then I guess I have come to accept the sad sordid fact that things usually never go the way you plan.

The Weekend…
Was supposed to go with my kid cousin to her primary school fun fair but then I guess her parents felt the guilty and decided to bring her albeit for 2 hours only. So for Saturday I got to sleep in a little late. I woke up at about 11am and stayed in bed till two alternating my reading between Amy Tan’s “Saving Fish From Drowning” and my scrapbook magazines. After that I went to the Curve with me mums and the Possum and had dinner at Marche *yum yum*. Also stopped at the scrapbooking shop and bought paper whilst the Possum snidely remarked that there was no use in me buying so much paper when I never use them… GEE!!! I wish I had the time to use the paper really, but alas such is the working life.

After going to the Curve, I was supposed to go to Asian Heritage row to drink away my sorrows with the Possum but he didn’t want to go and since the guys were going to go to Poppy I thought that I would go too since I did have fun the last time I was there. Well to sum up the night… I shouldn’t drink so much. I broke Dil’s glass though I swear I didn’t think I swung my hand that hard. Just lucky that I didn’t hit anyone or hurt anyone. Didn’t quite feel like dancing much and it was super duper hot! Met some of my secondary school friends which was nice… some of them are working in Phileo so I might have new lunch buddies! *hoorah hoorah* Also met my colleague at work we commented that we were seeing way too much of each other, which is really true.

After I went home from Poppy, I engaged in playing burnout and I reckon that in my state of “highness” I play better. Did I tell you that I love that game to bits? Well, Sunday saw me sleeping in an going to see my granny and going to church and being with my folks. Made a trip to Crabtree and Evelyn cos it was Princess Day (I kid you not!) and got my *yum yum* biscuits at a good price. And then I saw you…

I hadn’t seen you in awhile and it was so sudden I nearly tripped and fell (what’s new clumsy me). We spoke for awhile and I was shuffling my feet and looking anywhere but at you… *sigh sigh* So me-malu-kan!!! But it was good to see you again and I guess some things will never change between us but some things already had. I guess its better this way, is it not?

I went home and began reading my notes and case studies for my new corporate client and then you called and it was the exact moment when you drifted into my mind. We went out for a drink and talked about work. Bitched about work more like it! It was good to hear your sarcasm although I think I had the upper hand last night. The clock struck midnight and I had to go and reluctantly I said goodnight. Doubt I will see you anytime soon, but sometimes fate plays such interesting games with us...

So yes… my week in nut shell… and here I am still sitting in the office thinking of KFC’s new offering (planning to go and eat it after work) and willing time to pass quicker... *hugggsss* Hope all of you have a an excellent week ahead. I am going to play some online games because I am bored and haven’t played them in ages. *zuma, typershark, diamond mine, tumblebugs – here I come*

Monday, July 03, 2006

The Waiting Game Explained

"It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy ... Let's go exploring!"

- Calvin, in It's a Magical World by Bill Watterson

Yes it is a magical world out there and oh boy, do I wish I could go explorings too!!! But alas I am here in my lovely cubicle –seriously, I love my cubicle, it is so “me”, plus its quite big too. Am hoping I don’t need to give it up to anyone new when/if they arrive!- during lunches times blogging away since I don’t know what else to do. I managed to eat another quick home brought lunch ~ thanks you ma ~ and am not free for about 32 minutes.

The workload here at the moment is seriously freaky. I am panicking now whilst I write and a normal sensible sane person would begin work right after eating lunch but I figure that I need some time to just chill out for a bit and have some “alone” time with myself in my lovely cubicle - or maybe its because there is just no one to talk to and I am in denial of my work and am wishing fervently that it will take care of itself. Or perhaps I just want an excuse to blog.

Well anyways, lalala… its Merry Monday the start of a new week! *hoorah hoorah* (Much false enthusiasm was mustered for this!) After this week, I don’t think things will get any quieter or easier, but perhaps it will be more manageable ~ crossing fingers and am wishing on stars. On an upside to Merry Monday, I had an interesting and conversation with a friend on MSN early this morning and it was very enlightening to delve into the mind of another with regards to what they thought/think of you. Then there is also an additional allowance my office gave me for going to Singapore for work a month or so ago. *hoorah hoorah* So didn’t feel like work really but its nice to know that I even got some cash out of it *hoorah hoorah*

Anyways, an old friend of mine whom I met during my student exchange days in Australia, Philip, emailed me and asked me what “The Waiting Game” (refer to June 28, 2006's post)meant. Well it’s really very simple. Here goes…
1. Someone says they will call.
The waiting game begins when you for the call.
2. Someone says they are going to go out with you tonight.
The waiting game begins when you wait for the person to come and pick you up.
3. Someone sends you an email/sms/msg through MSN and you reply.
The waiting game begins for the reply from that person.
4. You sent in your proposals and work for approval.
The waiting game begins for the approval to reach you.

See the waiting game can be applied to almost every area in your life, in every circumstance and for almost every situation. I guess I just don’t like the idea of anxiously waiting. I don’t chew my nails though I sometimes nervously shuffle my feet (yes I do that sometimes BryBry), doodle, talk to myself or just pretend that I am not waiting (which is really just stupid ‘cos I know I am waiting). Sometimes it’s the pressure of getting the approvals, the excitement and anticipation of getting some news or answer you have been waiting for… yuppers… that’s the waiting game. Just waiting…a game I play all the time unwillingly I might add. Anyways, have I answered your question Philip? ~ I do hope so and I do hope you are feeling better. Lots of rest and water will help. Or maybe some *huggsssss* (virtual ones till November)

Anyways, I have written enough for a Merry Monday and I guess I will potter around the internet a bit and then go and continue writing boring fact sheets, press releases and the lot… and of course archiving photos and slides – boohoohoo! (HUGSSS needed here!) Well toodles folks and have a very very wonderful week ahead. Please pray for me that I survive this week and the weeks to come and that I lose some weight and I lose the ache too ~ Gawd I am such a whiner it’s so sad… but lalala…

Such is life… to whine, to laugh, to cry, to love, to explore, to hope and to dream… well that’s what I think anyways *smiles*

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Supertiggerific Sundae!

Today was one of those days where you do heaps of stuff and you feel like the day was like a WOW and everything goes right (well almost everything!). As most of your loyal readers know, I have found that working has been a really really difficult thing to do and finding my footing in PR is seriously taking a lot out of me and so during the weekends I strive to do things that recharges me for the week ahead and this weekend has been a classic case of a wonderful weekend which can spur me on till like perhaps the end of the week (fingers crossed!).
Here is what I did on this SUPERTIGGERIFIC day!
Things I did with the Possum:
  • We went to Madras lane in KL to eat Curry mee (wish they had put chicken and fishballs in the noodles... what is curry mee without chicken and fishballies?) ~ tsk tsk!
  • We then went to Stadium Negara to watch WINNIE THE POOH LIVE! ~ it was excellant with a whole load of fun and laughs. I have heaps of photos -should be up soon... or not so soon- and an Eeyore pen as a momento ~ its super duper cutes!
  • We then went to Low Yat to shop and look see for new gadgets to oggle over. Bought lovely CD cases for my "new project" (to be told once it like actually takes shape) and made a resolution to clear my computer from all viruses and junk and to save all vital info in CDs.
  • Then it was on to Sg. Wang where I bought a top which says "Make Love Not War" and some MP3 albums though I kena con for one as I was too careless and didn't check what the stuff before paying. The arses gave me a CHINESE cd! ~stupid man! Give malay/indon one also better.
  • Tummies were a rumbling so we went to Bayu Timor first for Iced Lemon Tea and then on to Le Opera on Bintang Walk for lunches. We were sorely disppointed by the shittyarse service and I was disturbed by the view (a begger was sitting outside the restaurant and I felt guilty eating so extravagantly while he was begging). The food was alrightlah, very bleh and so NOT worth it! - stay away folks!!! Food rating 3.5/10 Service 2/10
  • To make the Possum feel better because of the shittyarse food and service, I decided to take him to Tiffin Bay in Starhill as we memang wanted to go there for drinks. The place is LOVELY! We is loves it much much many many!!! So will go there again and the prices are reasonable and the food super duper yums. Thumbs up to Tiffin Bay!
  • Being super stuffed and all talked out, we went to Possums 2nd home to recharge and discharge -hehehe- and then went to Plaza Damas to look for the new scrapbooking shop they have there. It was closed ~ sigh! But then that means something to do next week!!! *hoorah hoorah*

After that's I met up with my folks in 1Utama to chill out with them. Ended up buying myself a new book - TIMES monthly special - "The Divide - Nicholas Evans (he wrote the "Horse Whisperer") and a new pair of jeans. ~Slaps hand for taking out the $$$ as made myself promise not to buy too much stuff! Then it was on to dinners and then back homes to read, hang out some more with my folks and now here I am bloggging...

A really really memorable day :) *smiles smiles*... its been awhile since I had one of them. Oh yeah... yesterday went for a collegues wedding. Felt so soppy-ish and emo-ish and felt like I wanted to get hitched but realised that I am not ready for it once I slid of the "I want to get married cloud".

Well folks this is al the updates for today (quite alot right?) and I hope that the coming week will be awesome, happy and blessed for all of you. And remember dreams are so very important, hold on to them with all your heart and remember too that no one can take them away from you. *huggggssss* ~ miss so many of you and wish there was more time in the world to meet up and have a chat, a hug, a coffee and desert, a meal, a dance, a laugh... perhaps soon, yeah?

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