Monday, December 31, 2007

Last post of 2007 ~*

I am at the office… it’s the last day of 2007, but I had this strange urge to reminisce about the year gone by and it suddenly hits me that in just a few hours I will be ushering in the New Year. 9 hours and 5 minutes to be exact! Where has the year gone too? As a matter of fact, where has Christmas gone too? I can remember so clearly preparing my Christmas card and gift list (I love lists) and what do you know, Christmas is over – I will have to wait another 360 something days for the next Christmas – and now I have to start on my New Years resolution list yet again!

Clichéd sayings of ‘how time flies’ and how the older you get the faster time will pass ring in my ears but I don’t deny any of it… its all true. Someone once said its because of the mundane routines that we adults have that makes time pass so very quickly and again I have to nod my head in agreement.

Take for example my mundane routine. The weekdays see me waking up, getting ready for work, walking the same path to get to work, sitting behind that same desk and attending to the same type of work, walking the same path to get home, unwinding and finally getting ready for bed. The things that differ are usually the amount of work I have, what I have for lunch and dinner and when I manage to extract myself from my seat to go home.

The weekends are a crazy rush for me to squeeze in my chores, errands, reading, arts and crafts, family and friends time and to get that much needed extra sleep, that at times I wish it was Monday all over again. But then when Monday rolls along, I can’t help wish I could fast-forward myself to Friday night again. Yes I know… I am kind of a complicated soul. Go figure!

Now back to the issue of the New Year. Sometimes I think like most occasions, the New Year has been blown out of proportion. Sure you technically get a whole new calendar and you now get to write 2008 instead of 2007 in the year column… but then again why don’t we celebrate every second that passes since technically you never get the particular second back again and it’s a ‘new’ second every time.

So why wait for a new year to make new resolutions? Why make such a big issue of the New Year? Why don our best and spend heaps of money on fancy dinners and drinks? Why rush off to some crazy party or countdown? Why throw fantastic fireworks displays when each and each second should be as momentous a celebration?

Having said all that, I know however that come New Year’s Eve, I will succumb to counting down the seconds to 2008 and will be toasting and SMS’ing my wishes to those dearest to me. I guess it’s about me needing and wanting that one luminous, significant moment of change. That one moment filled with such hope and expectation that maybe this year things will be different.

That this year instead of reading in the newspapers about wars, assassinations, global warming, suicide bombings, kidnappings and rape, I will instead read about peace, about new beginnings, about hope, about joy… all happy, good and positive news. That this year instead of worrying about bonuses, promotions and workloads, I will think about spending more time with those I love, spending my time doing acts of charity, enjoying the little things in life like I used to.

That instead of wanting and pursuing more material things, I will instead pursue things that can’t be bought, like wisdom, peace, patience and kindness. That instead of holding on to grudges, anger and hurt, I will learn to let go and just breathe. That instead of whining and worrying about my weight and trying out diet #1296, I will learn to love that little ‘extra bit of me’ and chuck out all those ‘helpful’ diet tips and plans.

Yes… perhaps this New Year will be different. To start, I think will not be doing a New Year’s Resolution List 2008 – I don’t think I managed to fulfill last years resolutions as of yet – instead I will write a list (yay – more lists!) of all the things I have been blessed with this year. It will certainly act as a reminder of the many blessings that I have received. Furthermore, it will certainly serve to remind me of the many achievements and happy moments I have had throughout the year and be thankful for all that has happened.

As I sit here in front of my old ancient dinosaur of a computer in the office, it seems that at a glance, my 2007 wasn’t all that bad. Sure there were grey areas, moments I wish I could erase, revamp or change but then again, who has a perfect life, eh? As always, I offer up a prayer that 2008 will be better than 2007… that I will have the courage to use my butterfly wings and the wisdom to chose the right paths and that as the fireworks explode in cascades of rainbows in the sky in nine hours and 3 minutes time, I along with all other Malaysians will feel that one shining, significant moment of hope for the New Year, a moment that will be filled with endless opportunities, possibilities and miracles.


Thursday, December 27, 2007

I Miss You - Blink 182

Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in backround of the morgue
The unsespecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never end
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime
And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me
your already the voice inside my head
I miss you... I miss you
~*~*~*~
It's that simple.
I just miss you.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmasy Things

It’s Christmas Day.


Merry Christmas!


I can’t believe that Christmas has crept upon me so very suddenly. All my grand plans for a joyful more meaningful Christmas this year has been drowned out by the incessant shouts of ‘sales’, ‘better bargains’ and ‘I wants…’ When I look at the bills, I shudder but know that the recipients of the said gifts will be happy… and yet for me the reality that Christmas is here has not really sunken in. I feel like I am missing out on something… as stupid as it sounds, to me, it doesn't feel that Christmas is here...

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As evidence, I have not written a single Christmas card. The grand plans of handmade gifts and cards (plus the huge supply of arts and crafts stuff for the grand plans) have been abandoned in some dark closet, for another day… another Christmas.


Once upon a time, my Christmas Eve’s were always magical. There was always such magic and anticipation on Christmas Eve… and now… I don’t quite feel the Christmas Spirit. I feel the Christmas Spirit though in the little things... in short bursts. In the bells that chimed, the songs that were sung and in the candles that were lit at midnight mass... but then as I left the church, the magic sort of slipped away. The party that I went to after that, a party that I had been looking forward to, turned out to be… just different. Maybe it was just me that was different and everything was as it should be… I don't know...

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It’s also been awhile since I wrote on my blog. Awhile since I actually penned down my thoughts. Been awhile since I took the time out from my other things to write what is really bothering me. Really expressing myself and what I really want to say and not some hasty post written during lunch or way after office hours.

Time has crept up on me so suddenly and I feel a strange combination of feelings. I feel elated, I feel scared, I feel angry, I feel sad, I feel hurt, I feel adventurous, I feel disheartened, I feel jealous, I feel bitter, I feel melancholy, I feel confused… I feel so many things that at times (actually more often than not) I don’t quite know what I am really feeling. More often than not, I feel like I have to wear a mask to hide how I am really feeling which really sucks.

Several people have commented that I have changed. Have become more arrogant. Arrogant. Conceited. Haughty. Superior. Proud. I would never think that these words would ever be used to describe me… but I guess I was wrong. And it pains me to know that I have become as such.

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My work really has changed me that at times I don’t quite know the person staring back in the mirror. I worry about work. I think about work. I strategize in my head about work. And I am sick of work for work has ruled my life these past two months and it has robbed me of much. I feel so tired. So drained… but in a sick sick way, I like the work that I do. Or maybe it’s the ‘kiasu-ism’ in me that wants to just be the best and do the best that I can. I can’t help it as well when I want to strive for more, want to do better, want to achieve more…

I can’t believe I am writing so much stuff about non-Christmas related stuff when I should be technically writing Christmasy things but I feel way better now having unloaded these little snippets of my burdens of my weary shoulders.

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So here’s some Christmasy things:


* To my family and all my friends near and far, may you have a very Happy Blessed Christmas and a wonderfully memorable (in a good way) year ahead. May you receive abundant blessings from God above and gifts that only He can provide… Gifts of hope for better brighter days to come, of peace of mind, body and soul, of joy that bubbles at the very core of your being, of faith that all things will work out for the best if you believe and trust in God, of courage to face up to your fears and what the future holds in store for you, for strength to face the unknown and trials that may sometimes come your way, for kindness and compassion in a world of greed, hate and corruption, for wisdom to make the best decisions in life, for discernment to know right from wrong and most of all for love which is the bestest, most magical thing in the world...

To Sunshine thank you for being one of the pillars of my life. For being patient. For being always there, a steady rock in my uncertain world. For being a loving partner, my best friend and my missing rib. Thank you for the times you listened to my whinging without saying anything. For telling me the truth when I needed to hear it. For putting up with my nonsense and my strange mood swings. For picking me up when I work late. For back rubs, SMS’s, phone calls and just your thoughtfulness… for all the things that money cannot buy. You will always be my FLFKKD.

To B… thank you for being a good friend while I have been in HLB. For the laughs of which we have had many. For the long talks and drinks. For the times when you stayed back so that you could give me a lift home. For the friendship for ‘ten’ years. For just being you.

To G… thanks for coming back. It was one of the best Christmas presents received to date… just you being back.

To Cat, for the years of friendship, for you not judging me, for being a confidant, someone to laugh with and cry with and of course for our first ever trip to Singapore which was fun (but hectic and stressful!). We should do it again soon. Thanks for the Eeyore stuff btw! *grin grin*

To the bank folks… thanks for the SMS’s, the calls and the overall fun we have most days at work. To J.L thanks for the gossip, the food you constantly buy me (are you trying to make me fatter), the laughs and urgent SMS’s and calls you give me. To J.T for waking me up at the right time, for reminding me of who I am and for being an SMS buddy. To J.O for the smiles and food, I am happy that you have found someone. To L.W, thanks for the makan sessions at Jumpa, for the songs that you sing, for the laughter that we share, for the SMS’s and stupid emails.

To Philip… for the long chat we had the other day. It was wonderful to talk to you again and to remember the days passed. How time has flown since we met half way across the world.

To you, thank you for being in my life. For being there, a constant, vigilant Angel. I am sorry that I forget you sometimes. I am sorry if I have neglected you in any way. I think of you constantly and wish that things weren’t the way they are… but as always, everything happens for a reason and you are where you are and I am where I am. Just to let you know, I miss you with every core of my being…

Well, that’s enough Christmasy things

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*HUGGGSSS…*
Happy Blessed Christmas all.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Stoned

Its 6:07pm and I am home...
*shock gasp horror*
But before you think that for once I have no work, I am on MC.
*sniff sniff*
The day has been pretty crappy... I feel stoned, ugly and slow.
A truly bad combination.
It really doesn't help that for some strange reason I am affected by a sudden status change in someones relationship column and a whole host of other strange emotions only I can feel such as: Feeling angry that I have to go to Penang whilst others attend parties; Feeling cheated because I am going to Penang; Feeling annoyed that I have to go to Penang (and a whole host of other Penang related emotions!); Feeling sad that you are sick and are not well; Feeling I-couldn't-give-to-shits what is going with you; Feeling annoyed that I am slow, stoned and ugly; Feeling damn ugly because of the zits on my face and generally feeling very un-Christmas and un-*Dream Weaver* like.
I need the Christmas spirit.
Anyone wants to share with me some extra Christmas spirit or antibiotics for that matter? I reckon I will stop this idiot rambling once I get better and will regret this stilly emotions flowing in my veins. Am going to sleep now...

Monday, December 17, 2007

Singapore 2007

Singapore was pretty good though are some bits which I wish could be erased. Went shopping like crazy with Cats and bought heaps of goodies... the only problem was lugging it all back... *grins* I thought the lights weren't as good as the previous years and it was pity that I we were a week too early for Swan Lake.

Oh well... maybe next time. On the plus side, there were so many Eeyore stuffs too and Scrapbooking stuff and though I didn't go overly mad, I did splurge a little...

Now all I need to do is find the time to unpack my stuff from the Bangkok trip in Sept and this Singapore trip and actually get down to doing my arts and crafts and clearing and arranging my room ~ easy peasy, right?
~*~*~*~
~ The colourful Nativity scene ~


~ The decorations on Orchard ~

~ I and Cats @ Taka ~


~ Kick ass Ramen@ Ajisen ~


~ The shopping was a lot of fun and hard work ~

~Having a ice-blended mocha @ Spinellis after a long day of shoppings ~

~ The yummy looking donuts @ Missy Donuts ~


~ O Christmas Tree ~


Monday, December 03, 2007

How things change

I am at the office again. It's 9:04pm.
It's strange but I now don't find it that unbelievable that I stay back so late. My friends still gawk and gasp everytime I mention my working hours and should you have told me this 3 months prior to this date, I would have laughed at you... after all, wasn't I one of the few who had their bags packed ready to leave at 5:56pm at the old hovel?
How things have changed...
Along with these changes comes the need to prove myself. To prove that for once in my life I can excel in something totally outside of my comfort zone. My family constantly jokes that I have sold my soul to the bank... alas, I think I have sold my life to the bank... not my soul for my soul belongs to Him who has created me.
The past week has seen me do 11ish'es and buried in work but so far the work has paid off as certain people (bosses and such) know that I exist. Furthurmore, I always find such satisfaction knowing that I did a pretty good job. So to treat myself and to finally buy something with my first paycheque, I went shopping at The Curve and spent ages shopping for work clothes. I wanted to get some books but after looking at the piles I have yet to read, I decided that the books can wait another day... though I may succumb the next time I am at a bookshop.
Christmas is also around the corner. I can't believe it is so close by and I don't feel an ounce of the Christmas Spirit.
NOT an OUNCE! ~ this is so unlike me ~
I wait the whole entire year for Christmas and prepare, in my mind, all the lovely things I will make for my loved ones rather than the same old same old store bought gifts... but from my vantage point, that's what they will be getting... store bought gifts again. My weekends from now till Christmas are booked (if all goes well I will be heading down to Singpoare again in 2 weeks time) and I have no clue as to when I will get the Christmas shopping done. I might just take leave to do the shopping though I will worry endlessly about the work piling up in the office...
Anyways, I should go back to my work. It's quite amusing... me going back to work at 9:14pm when in the hovel I used to scamper in the door at 9:14am and hope that no one would notice that I wasn't in yet... how things change...
* I miss you btw... I hope you know

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

.....

.... am still at the office.
pulling several 11pm'ers in a row ain't fun...
and you aren't helping me really *sniff sniff*

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Office Rambles

It's lunchtime on Tuesday and I just finished eating my sandwich. Today is 'lets-catch-up-with-newspaper-reading-and-lets-eat-in' day. Two papers are left to be read, so I thought I would give myself a treat (?) and blog (treats to myself as you can tell aren't all that super at the mo!)
Well, the last couple of days have been busy and packed to the brim with work and going-outs. Last Friday saw me leaving the office at the all time earliest - 4:58pm!! It was for SumYe's wedding. I nearly wept for joy when I saw her looking so radiant in her white gown. Again allow me to reminisce about the days when we were younger
*sighs happily and a little nostalgically*
The wedding dinner was delish (we had lobster, prawns, roasted pith - hehehe) and I met an old friend who talked about my poems... poems which I no longer write... It was good to be reminded though, about the bits and pieces of the old 'me'... the one I see occasionally, the 'me' that had the heart of the funfair, the one that was... just different.
This past week at the office sees me not really hanging out with JT or JO but rather with LW. LW is a ching-chong gentleman. We hungout on Saturday and during lunch or after office hours. It's interesting to see his perspective of things, to learn about him and to learn about the people in the bank... and while he spoke, I couldn't help but be envious of him especially when he talks about all the goals that he has set for himself. However, he like me is lost in his own way...
I reckon that is what everyone goes through every now and then ~ a phase of being lost... Of being unsure about what they want and where they are heading or what they are doing. Suddednly your old way of doing and living seems alien to you and you adopt a 'new' way of being, of thinking and of seeing the world and people around you.
I wonder though at times why people behave the way they do. Why people once so close to you seem to drift furthur away without explanations or reason... why they don't talk about it or try to mend things, but just leave things torn, broken and well, just plain confusing. It's quite crappy when you get used to things and it stops... you miss the emails, SMS's, calls and lunches... you miss being called 'Princess' or those 1001 other endearments... but I guess just like many other things in life, some answers are just elusive...
Ahhh... the clock ticks again and its back to work for me... hope that all of you have a good week ahead. I will definitely try to have a good week, with me hoefully spending lesser time at the office... but you know something odd...
I kinda like it here... (I make retract this statement in awhile!)

Monday, November 12, 2007

The Lamp of Wisdom

From within them, the lamp of wisdom will come alight,
and dispel darkness from their lives...
- Bhagavad Gita -
~*~*~*~
I can't wait for the lamp of wisdom to come alight in me.
Then I wouldn't have so much darkness around me...
I wonder how long I would have to wait though...
I pray that it isn't that long ~ *sniff sniff*

Sunday, November 11, 2007

*Dream Weaver* works in a bank

As always, the days blend one into another and I find myself bewildered and yes, very much bothered that there hardly is time to do the things that I really really want to do. I am either too tired or find myself having to do other mundane things which are necessary.

For those if you loyal readers who still have no clue that I am now working in a bank (Gasp! Shock! Horror!) now you know *grin grin* When most people see me and enquire about what I am doing now after my last job at the hovel, they tend to gasp and a look of disbelief creeps on their faces, for *Dream Weaver* and banks, don’t quite seem to gel.

To perfectly honest, I would never ever have thought that I would be working in a bank and by the looks of my friends faces, they thought the same. But what criteria should a person have for working in a bank? Are there certain traits that they need to have? A certain kind of look or standard? I have no idea really… all I know is that I, *Dream Weaver* now works in a bank.

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A friend also asked if I was happy working in the bank. I am still pondering about this... about me being happy working in the bank and so far, I don’t know if I am happy or not. I have made some friends now, just a handful things are looking up. The work is challenging and I am still learning about the different processes and the other blah blah blah’s of a bank. So am I happy? I guess in my own little way I am.

I miss the sunshine in the evenings though. I miss having time in the nights to read, sift though my magazines for arts and crafts ideas and going out with Sunshine and my other friends for drinks after work. Now, I am too tired and just fall into bed when I get home at about 10.30ish. Will try my hardest to leave work earlier in the days to come.

However, I am thankful though for many things these past few weeks.

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Things that *Dream Weaver* is thankful for…

* Sunshine and his boundless patience. For his lifts almost daily from the bank to my home. For SMS’s and calls to cheer me up and spur me on day after day. Thanks Da!

* My mum who prepares my meals everyday.

* My dad who sends me to work everyday – I dread the day when I have to start taking the LRT everyday.

* For my family who listen to my stories about the bank and my new friends with glee and who are my backbone these days ~ much thanks.

* JT who has been an absolute Angel these past two weeks and who has befriended me and introduced me to other colleagues in the bank. Thanks for the SMS’s during training and the emails that make me laugh.

* JO and his jokes, sarcasm and infectious smile and laughter. Thanks for trying to get me out of the office, for giving me that one crazy night of clubbing, for promising me more fun nights and for being a decently delightful chaperone.

* RA for having dinners with me and being a friend. For explaining the hierarchy in the office and for opening my eyes to certain things that I would otherwise have taken awhile to see. It’s strange how we never really spoke in school but I guess we are making up for lost time now.

* For JL who is a chatterbox and an absoulte fashionista. Who explains things to me again and again and commiserates with me when idiots come a-knockin’. May there be more laughs and stories for us to share in the near future.

* To B for lucnhes and for that 3am supper on Friday night, reminiscent of those good old days when we younger and more carefree *smile*

* To the other friends who leave me MSG’s on facebook, MSN and friendster or who send SMS’s to enquire about me and to just say “hello” much thanks. It’s the little things such as these that make the days seem that much brighter.

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I pray that all of you have a fantastic week ahead.

Take care and God bless all of you and may Angels watch over all of you.

P.S: I can’t believe that Christmas is just around the corner *smile smile* I can’t wait!!!

Friday, November 09, 2007

Just when...

Just when I thought I understood...
Just when I thought I knew...
Just when I had my hopes up...
I realised that I didn't understand...
I realised that I didn't know...
I realised that hope floats...
but at times it floats away from you...

crazy week...

It has been a crazy week...
A week of many "firsts"...
I am tired...
Though to be honest, I am feeling a little worried,
mixed with a dash of sadness, a litre of happiness,
a tablespoon of tiredness, a pinch of joy, a splash of excitement...
I think I need sleep...

Saturday, November 03, 2007

I have been tagged!

I have been tagged by Avina *smiles*

a) Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.

b) Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself (on your blog, we all want to know them).

c) Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.

d) Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

~*~*~*~

7 random / wierd facts about *DreamWeaver*

1.) I can burp at will
*BURP*
2.) I don't mind washing plates
It's brainless work really...
3.) I believe that Angels exist
4.) I like onion rings and onion soup but will not eat the onions by itself
5.) There are three voices inside my head.
The negative, the positive and the one that sits on the wall.
I usually have conversations with them when I am bored
6.) When I don't have conversations with the voices inside my head,
I talk to myself
7.) I don't have a favourite colour...
Every colour is special in its own way

~*~*~*~
I now tag the following people:
Peggy

I miss the beach!


~ I miss the beach! ~

arghhhhh!

Its the weekend and I planned to do tons of things but as usual nothing quite turned out the way it was supposed to and in some ways I am to be blamed yet I hate this. I hate not having things go according to plan. I am now 2.25 hours behind schedule and my hair is not cooperating with me. *sigh sigh sigh* I wish I could just crawl back into bed and turn back the hands of time till last night when I got home... but alas... I am still here 2.26 hours behind time.
AAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
*I hate feeling frustrated as it wastes my energy but at times like this.... arghhhhh!*

Monday, October 29, 2007

Office moans

A thousand thoughts run helter-skelter in my mind but my mind is closed for the day. After all it is already 10:39pm and I should really be in bed, tucked up underneath my comforter either pouring over my books or talking to Sunshine about my day.
Yet I am still here in the office.
Yes... I am still here.
I don't quite know why I am here... I should be at home. But works dictates that I sit here and finish all the work that has been thrown/dumped/given to me. True it is my job but I honestly don't quite know my own jobscope (Note to self: Find out jobscope!).
I am not thinking clearly as well... and yet I am thinking clearly. My mind again races with all these different conflicting thoughts and I would very much just like to have a warm shower, get out of my work clothes (which to some people look really aunt-ish) and just have a good sleep till tomorrow, at 6:30am when I wake up and the same routine starts again.
I can't believe it will be only 2 weeks since I started working again. It feels like months. My body is yelling at me to slow down. My parents and friends think I am mad for working so late... but I guess this is life. You want the $, you best keep quiet and keep your head low.
I hate to be paranoid, but I hear sounds and there is no one around.
I just want to go home...
*save me please?

Sunday, October 21, 2007

*hugsss needed*

I need a holiday already!
*hugsss needed*

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Fragility of Life

It's now 10:13am. I have been awake since 5.50am.
The sun is out. The smoke has cleared but I can't sleep.
It's like the fire never happened...

~*~*~*~


Thick clouds of smoke with specks of what seemed like iridescent orange flecks greeted me when I stepped out of my home. The acrid smell of something burning hit me next.

It was about 6am when I joined my other neighbours on the street. The fire had apparently started just ten minutes ago. Neighbours I had not even seen before, but had only caught glimpses of, were huddled d in groups talking and no doubtly praying that it was not their home that was in this dire condition.

A lone fire brigade was trying to ease the flames that seemed to be spreading. Already two houses were on fire. Flames licked the roofs and poured out from windows. The police were also milling around trying to get statements and answer queries. I felt strange. I felt that I was on a set of a movie or TV show rather than in my rather quiet and peaceful Damansara neighbourhood.

I heard snippets from my neighbours as they began to recount how the fire began. Some gave their two cents about what should have been done. Complaints poured forth as well concerning certain parties that were inefficient. The fire of this magnitude should have prompted another fire brigade to come they said.

About more than half an hour later, a second fire brigade arrived and house number three had already started to burn. Tempers flared while the flames were put to rest. Why did the second fire brigade number arrive so late? Why were the authorities so laid back and unconcerned? Why did the firemen take so long to even get the hose out? Questions abounded, yet were left unanswered.

I was standing alone. The air was thankfully still with only the slightest breeze. I was suddenly hit by a sadness, which I don’t quite know how to explain. Thoughts raced through my mind. How could this happen here, in my neighbourhood? How must the owners of the home feel now that they had lost their homes? What would I have done if this had happened closer to my home? Could more have been done to help contain the fire?

An hour had passed since I had arisen and in that span of time, the lives of three families had changed. When I reached home, I crawled back into the safe confines of my bed but could not sleep. I thought most about the fragility of things, about the unpredictability of fate, about the untameable elements of nature.

My mind remembered the numerous catastrophes faced all over the world. The tragic heartbreak of lost, of death, of senseless wars, murders, rape and kidnappings and I felt an overwhelming sadness followed by the feeling of powerless. I felt scared too.

Good grades, degrees and a good job do not protect you from these unforeseeable things I realised. The amount of money you have in the bank, or the sort of bag you carry, the clothes you wear or the type of car you drive doesn’t exclude you from these tragedies in life.

I tossed and turned in bed and I prayed. I prayed for the families that had lost their homes and most importantly for their lost memories. I realised also how truly blessed I was that I had a wonderful family, a roof over my head and clothes on my back, food on my table and so much more. I had to right to complain about not having enough… I had more than so many others.

Life in my neighbourhood continued soon after. People walked around the park, went to church, went for breakfast, went to the market. Life was back to normal for most of us. How easily we forget. How fast we move on, worrying once more about the minute things in life like what we would eat for breakfast.

I take this moment however, to say a little prayer for the people who have been hit by tragedies. I pray for those whose hearts are restless, whose lives are for now, incomplete. I pray that they find peace and solace in their lives again. I pray for Angels amongst them to help them in their times of need. I pray that they will be able to rebuild their lives again. I hope to live each day now, knowing how blessed I truly am.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Another New Adventure!

I started a new adventure today.
I accepted Job #1.
I was praying to God yesterday and
asked Him to show me which path to take
and He did... its Job #1.
There is a possibility that I read the signs wrong...
But I trust in God and in myself
that Job #1 is the right job for me
at this current juncture in life.
So Congratulations me!
I have a new job and am employed now.
*hoorah hoorah*
Thus begins another new adventure for me!
~*~*~*~
I also went to Pavillion today.
The place was alright.
Nothing too great.
I liked the layout of Tangs and what I saw of Parkson looked nice as well.
But the price tags were such a turn-off.
TIMES bookshop was pretty good...
but the arts and crafts section was lacking.
I could not help but buy some books - 3 for the price of 2 -
(it's hard to resist NOT buying books!)
Had a quiet lunch with my SB magazine @ PizzaMania
and suddenly I saw BryBry.
It was nice to see him and his friends and we hung out for abit
before we headed back to Bangsar where they went back to work
and I went home with my bro.
Later, Sunshine and I decided to see a movie.
So we went to Cineleisure
and stuffed ourseleves with cinema food
and snuggled into our seats to watch
"The Seeker: The Darkness Is Rising".
The show did not meet up to expectations sadly...
And now I am here.
Facebooking, Blogging and looking at trailers.
*smiles smiles*
I will miss these carefree days.

My Bang.Kok Photos

Finally I have posted up my Bang.Kok photos...
Enjoy!

To view the pics, just click on the links below:

Bang.Kok (Part I)
Bang.Kok (Part II)
Bang.Kok (Part III)

Job#1 or Job #2 ?

I can't believe that time has flown by so quickly (I say this a lot).
From my first 'full time' job at the hovel, to quitting (YES!),
to having a slightly stressed but good holiday in Bang.Kok,
to working as a freelance writer (and enjoying the lovely benefits),
to finally deciding on my new job (have made up 90% of my mind!).
There are some doubts darting around in my mind...
about this job (Job #1) that I most probably will be taking.
I am not sure if this is the right path to take.
I am up for the challenge really,
though th only thing is that I hate the distance.
I will be working in the heart of KL and I hate KL!
I will now face the LRT jams, the crowds and
the dreaded traffic jams.
Howver, there is another option... Job #2.
Job #2 has lesser pay and the job position is lower than my previous job.
But there are two redeeming good points.
It's in MidValley (nearer than KLCC and there is a good transport system nearby)
and it's global PR consultancy.
CHOICES!
CHOICES!
*Dream Weaver is momentarily lost in her thoughts*
I really don't know how to weight these options.
To be honest, both Job #1 & #2 differ from what I used to do and
after doing several lists, Job #1 comes out tops...
but I am scared of making a mistake.
I am not sure if this is the path that God wants me to take.
But then again... it seems as if He is preparing a path for me...
or so that's how I see it anyways.
From learning about the job, to getting there,
to getting the package that I hoped for... I got it all.
Yet I am still thinking...
thinking if I am making the right move.
I will have to make up my mind by tomorrow (later today actually!).
Pray for me and wish me luck that I make the right decision.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Desiderata ~ Max Ehrmann

Desiderata
Max Ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

~*~*~*~
I loved this poem and have always wanted to put in on my blog but never got around to doing it until today. There is so much truth in this poem. I think that this poem and Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen), song have really powerful words.
Words that ring true to me. It's hard no doubt to live out what is written, but I guess that is the challenge for us all today... and I think I will be trying these things out. After all, Max is right, it is still a beautiful world out there and by God's grace, everything will fall into place.

Monday, October 01, 2007

I Miss You...

Eventhough I just saw you afew hours ago
and even if I see you almost everyday...
I still miss you when I am not with you.
Its cloudy days without you.
*sniff sniff*
I miss you Sunshine.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Today

This Morning...
I met up with the ScrapbookLady, and hopefully she buys my idea.
*says a little pray and crosses fingers and toes*
~*~*~*~
After that...
I blogged from the first time in Starbucks, The Curve.
It was an interesting first.
~*~*~*~
In the Afternoon...
Met up with TheSexyDave and had lunch at La Gourmet House.
I had to mutilate my lunch of Duck Bruschetta to get them idiot onions out of
my food *note to self: if ordering food in the future,
make sure they dont have chopped onions!*
~*~*~*~
After Lunch...
I went to Borders and I bought three new books
(which I have to hide from my mother and simultaneously find space for!)
*GAH! There goes more mullah!*
Thankfully fter some persuation... Sunshine will be sponsoring one,
so I feel a little better.
The books I bought are:
UGLY - Constance Briscoe
The Pact - Jodi Picoult
My Best Friend's Girl - Dorothy Koomson
~*~*~*~
Later that Day...
I went online and asked someone (the slimebucket!) for help regarding my jobhunt
and all I had in return was freaking obnoxious answers!
*grumbles grumbles*
I hate it when people look down on me and make me feel small.
They should really try to examine themseleves a little closer and
get their head out of their arseholes!
~*~*~*~
Later that Night...
I went for bowling and it was one of the shittiest games I have ever played.
*sobs sobs* Doesn't help when you realise that Malaysians are so bloody
annoyingly complacent. Everything is okay if it works... it doesn't
really matter if its not perfect, as long as it works its ok!
No wonder with this kind of attitude we are still like a developing country...
*grumbles grumbles*
~*~*~*~
Before Bedtime...
I feel crappy... must be the milo and keropok lekor I had.
I guess overall it was a productive day...
Tomorrow will be better *smiles*

Thai Photo #1

Its been a week since Sunshine and I have been back from Bang.Kok...
I can't believe how time flies... (its really freaky)
This pic of Sunshine and me was taken in Wat Arun
before we were shown some "Thai Hospitality"...
I remember being really grouchy before this pic - Thai Photo #1
(malas to crop!) was taken because I had developed a really bad rash
due to the horrid heat. The smile in the pic was one of relief knowing that I was on
my way to getting a bottle of chilled mandarin orange juice (super yums)
and the promise of shade and a fan!
This week promises to be a full week with interesting things to do.
Pray for me as I try to do something I have always wanted...
and NO... its not piercing my ears or any part of my body!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Tomorrow is a new day...


There are moments in life, like right now when I feel a little down about everything in life. For some strange reason... things don't seem... "right". But truth be told, things are pretty good, better than I expected... yet there seems to be some sort of block in my life, something holding me back... So I turned to one thing that always calms my soul... God.

I prayed and I found some solace and then something made me go to my blog and look at this two sites, the sites I used to visit at work after a truly draining day...


I viewed the presentations and it managed to lighten
my heavy heart somewhat and I am glad.

Tomorrow is a new day...
I look forward to starting it.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Back from Bang.Kok

I am back from Bang.Kok!
... and my skin is peeling, my legs are aching,
my suitcase needs unpacking, things need to be stowed away,
my room needs cleaning (the mutated dust animals are romping around
my room as if its theirs - the nerve of them!),
my resume needs some glitter and shine,
my assignments for work are piling up,
my proposals have yet to be done, my printer needs new ink,
my toilet needs a brighter light and a dose of clorox, my room needs tidying up,
my arts and crafts need to be tended too, several parcles need to be sent out,
several emails need to be sent as well, need to book my flea market booth
and yes, I need to go on a diet and buy moisturizer!
Yes...
Its back to reality after the holiday!
*grumbles mumbles*
P.S: I need another holiday to recover from this one!
P.P.S: Another post will be up soon with pics and news from my trip.
P.P.P.S: Anyone fancying a cup of coffee or tea or slice of cake (ok maybe no cake since I am supposed to be on a diet) can call me since I am 'self-employed' at the moment.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Here I come

Bang.Kok
here I come!
After close to 9 months of waiting,
Sunshine and I will be off to Bangkok.
*hoorah hoorah*
See you all soon.
Things are definitely looking up.
Praise God!
~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Sunday, September 02, 2007

JoeMayPeg


(left to right: Peggy, May Ling and *Dream Weaver*)

JoeMayPeg...
those were the days.
*grin grin*
This photo was taken in 2005, the last time the three of us were together.
I remember so fondly the days in SMKDU when we were in 1 Tanjung and
we would spend days in May and Peg's house before school, listening
to sobby songs (Tommy Page - Paintings In My Mind ~ I totally loved that tape), eating Shakey's Pizza (we loved the chicken and mojos),
laughing and just hanging out.

It was a simpler time then...
We were all so innocent, so naïve.
What happened to those times?
I flipped through my old journals the other day and smiled at the trivial "problems",
the things that seemed to be so important now merely seem a joke.
I reminiscence about those days and feel a wave of longing to
go back in time to try harder to maintain friendships which I have sadly lost,
to take the time to get to know people which I took for granted,
to make the effort to study harder and to do the things I really wanted to
do at that time but never got around to doing.....

But as it is with time... there is no going back
and I still hold strong to my beliefs that everything happens for a reason.
I hope though, that for whatever friendships I lost
or let rust along the way, in time it will mend
and grow into something beautiful again in time.

~*~*~*~

FaceBook Addiction

I can’t remember when I joined FACEBOOK. I think several people sent me invites… just can’t remember when I actually signed up for it.
Anyways, yesterday was my first step into the world of FACEBOOK
and it’s so ADD.dict.tIve

I spent several hours fiddling with it
When I could have read my book or cleaned my room
Or arranged my drawers or slept….

But NOOOO…
Had to go on Facebook and decide to “pimp it up”.
Now I am worried about my pet LaBbit…
If not one pets her or feeds her, will she die?
I also have an unhealthy obsession of getting drinks,
flowers, gift, messages and all that nonsense as well.
My garden seems a little empty,
the bakery has a lone bun and
I worry that my aquarium has not enough undersea creatures!
*GAH GAH*
I can’t believe I am so distraught over this.
I think I need to stay away from Sam and Facebook now!


P.S: If you do log on to Facebook,
do add me and send me a drink,
a flower, a slice of cake, a fish, and a message.
Don’t forget to pet LaBbit as well *smiles*

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Last day @ The Hovel!

For those of you who don’t already know, I have left my PR job (it’s been 6 days so far) *dances the wiggles happily! * and am happy about that (if you didn’t already know as well).

I never thought that I would leave my “first REAL job” in less than two years.
Part of me (the ever pessimistic and doom and gloom side of me)
thinks that it’s a dumb mistake and only losers quit…
but the other parts of me, which,
thank God overpower the gloomy side, knows that this is for the best.

So here I am, *Dream Weaver* self-employed
and loving the freedom which I once had those days of long ago (drama-nya!).

Anyways, somehow my last day at work wasn’t great at all which only made me even happier knowing that I did not need to come back to “the hovel” as me and Miss P.Lo calls it. I did not get the standard farewell lunch because people were either sick, on leave or at meetings and that made me feel a little sad to be honest.

The big boss (B.B – know of other words that have the initials B.B?) and my Senior (S…. doesn’t it sound like something else?) also decided to meet up with me at 5.50pm (just when I wanted to leave to see my dad in the hosp) to “talk”. Basically the B.B wanted me to speak to the S and to tell the S why I was upset with her. I roughly told her what I wanted to say but I felt "the talk" was just a waste of time… she was too set in her ways and after all, I was leaving. What did it matter to her?

Anyways, they sorta offered me a job (project basis) but I doubt I will be getting it. They want the new boy to try it out first and then if he can’t do it they might consider asking me to do it instead. Anyways, somehow the conversation came to the part where the S said that the B.B needed to send an email to my clients to inform them that I was leaving.

I then piped up and said that I had already sent an email to my clients and suppliers. This DID NOT GO well with the both of them and the S said “you are not at THAT LEVEL to do that”. I apologized of course (I remembered my manners) and said that it was too bad cos nothing could be done about it since I had already sent the emails. After that “the talk” basically dwindled into nothingness and I left the office for the last time!

By that time, everyone had already left, so there were no “goodbyes” which sucked since there were a few people I call friends in the office. Anyways, I did not know that I was not supposed to email my clients. No one told me that I shouldn’t. all they have ever told me was how to build rapports with your clients so that a strong relationship will form…
and that was what I was doing.

BUGGER! I was quite honestly pissing mad and so ready to finally unload all my thoughts to the S and B.B but because my mind was at UH with my dad, I decided to just keep quiet and I am glad that I did just that. They are so NOT WORTH my time and energy and it was with a happy heart and a wide smile on my face that I threw my two cases of name cards in the bin – it was an interesting trip, one though I will probably not go on again!

Here’s to more wonderful Adventures
and Happy Endings to come!

Friday, August 31, 2007

Happy Merdeka!

Happy Merdeka everyone!

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Hope you have a wonderful one!

~*~*~*~*~*~

I am supposed to be away at a church camp but I don't see how I can
go knowing that my dad isn't A okay!
It is however, such a relief to know that my dad is not suffering
from something incurable and that he is feeling so much better now.
*Thank You God and all the prayers lifted up*

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Last night I went to watch the fireworks with Sunshine, Cat and WJ
at our hideaway in Taman Tun. It was nice to watch the fireworks with
your favourite people beside you.
Cat and I are thinking of going to rent a suite at a
hotel in KL for New Years. I hope it works out...
it sounds really nice and fun.

Anyways, I so now I am finally FREE!
Its really MERDEKA for me!!!
I don't actually feel free at the moment because I was at the
hospital and worrying about my dad and all that,
so it hasn't really sunk in yet that I am FREE!
Also my last day there was pretty shite to be honest.
Will blog about it soon...

Thanks again everyone for the prayers.
Have a fantastic long weekend ahead.

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Thursday, August 30, 2007

Thank God

Dear All...

The prayers did work...
My dad is better now and has been discharged from the hospital
though he is not 100% healed, he is feeling much better.
He can sleep now and has stopped vomiting.

So thanks all of your for your prayers
and your kind SMS, msgs on my blog and phone calls.

My heartfelt thanks to all of you.

Thank you God...

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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Pray

My dad is going for another neuro scan now.
I pray that everything is going to be alright.
Dear God,
Please be with my dad and protect him and keep him safe.
Calm his fears and give him the peace which only You can provide.
Send Your Angels to watch over my father, brother, mum
and myself and fill us with faith and hope in You.
Amen.
Please pray for my daddy and his speedy recovery.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just got back from visting my dad at UH.
He said that his head was painful too.
They gave him painkillers which helped to ease the pain.
When my bro, mum and I left, he was drifting slowly to sleep.
I pray that he gets a restful sleep tonight and
that the pain subsides and disappears altogther.
Tomorrow we will get the results of his latest scan...
If that doesnt work than he has to have his spine punctured
so that they can test the spine fluid.
*sob sob sob*
I feel scared and sad...
I wish that all of this was a bad dream that I will wake up from.
I will even exchange my whole Eeyore, sticker and book collection
just to make my father well again.
The fishes aren't eating as well...
and the tortoises are on their best behaviour.
I miss him when he is not at home.
The house seems emptier...
Get well soon Pa.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Dear God,
Please take care and
watch over my dad...
We need a miracle.

Dear Father God

Dear Father God,
I pray that my father will be cured from all his pains
and that the doctors find out what is wrong with him.
I pray that you will take away all his throbbing pains
and console him and my family.
I pray that you will cover him with your Precious Blood
and Your Tender comforting embrace
so that he maybe able to sleep in peace.
Thank you Father God for everything.
I put my trust in Your hands and have faith
that You are already at work healing my father.
May Your will be done.

Amen.
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Friday, August 17, 2007

The Weekend is Here...

The Weekend is here!!!
I can't believe it is here already... again.
I remember on Monday after lunch when I told Jess and Alicia
that it was just four and a half days till the weekend and now its here.
*Hoorah Hoorah*

The past week has just been Happy.
It has been a blessed week with things going smoothly
and if there were any glitches, it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be.

I have been more smiley too.
More happy's, more laughter and more chatter.
There was also some delightful surprises thrown in this week.
Surprises that left me grinning like a loony.


Yesterday I went to 1U and I wanted to go to this art shop near Dome in the old wing and as I was walking towards the shop I realised that it was boarded up. My heart sank when I saw this because I had quite liked their products. Then suddenly almost instinctively, I turned to my left and lo and behold there was a brand new Scrapbooking shop!


GAH! *I nearly wet my pants in pure joy and happiness*

I scrambled into the shop and saw Mr Choo who worked in the small art shop, which I thought had closed. He explained that this new shop was new and had opened only a month ago. I walked around the shop in a daze touching the paper and embellishments in a trace like state.

YES! Another shop to muddle around and "oooo and ahhh" in.

JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY!

After walking around for about 15 mins and drinking in the sights, I went to meet Sofian from my Stamford days. It was strage to see him in work clothes as I had only ever seen him in jeans and bermudas. It was also strange to talk about work when before we were the class clowns, famous for disrupting classes and annoying our lecturers *feeling slightly guilty*

Sunshine joined us later for dinner…


(CONTINUES in the next post...)

Why we are great together :)

After dinner, Sunshine accompanied me to Craft Haven as I wanted to buy some stuff (btw, Craft Haven is on sale till 2 September). While I was looking Sunshine said the most amusing thing. Our conversation went something like this:

*Dream Weaver*: Wah Da… See so many nice things Da *drools and a new shipment of epoxy stickers*
Sunshine: Yea…
*Dream Weaver*: See Da. They have so nice metal embellishments. Wah… got 30% some more *hyperventilates with joy*
Sunshine: Ok… You know what, I think next Saturday we will go to Shah Alam and Sunway and I can go and show you all the car accessory shops. Just think of all the hubcaps, ribs and tires you can find there. We go ok? It will be so fun. Then we can also stop by the go-kart track for a quick spin.

*I start laughing a nervous and some what amused kind of laughter *

*Dream Weaver*: Da, you are so funnylah…

*I am totally distracted by new chipboard alphabets and pretends that the short conversation involving car accessories did not happen ~ ignorance in times of sarcasm is bliss*

Sunshine continues to browse around the shop and all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye; I see that he is at the front of the shop near the counter. I felt a little suspicious but was too engrossed with the metal embellishments to ask him what he was doing.

As I walked into the shop I noticed a rows of stickers *shivers* and there it was two packs of EEYORE stickers. They were 3D and screaming out to be bought. But the prices were alarming! Then I noticed a 40% label stuck to them and I realized that even with the discount I would have to spend about RM20 something.
As I was deliberating and weighing the pros can cons out aloud to Sunshine who popped up besid me again…

Sunshine: Do you hear something?
*Dream Weaver*: Yea Da… The Eeyores are asking me to take them home but I don’t know how to tell them that I can’t.
Sunshine: You don’t have to worry cos you have this…
And he suddenly pulled the one of the Eeyore stickers out of a bag he was carrying.

*HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY*
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Needless to say I was crazily happy and was rambling on like a mad women, thanking him profusely. After buying some embellishments and paper, we left the shop and I decided to ogle the Eeyore sticker again *Yes, I am crazy like that* and it was then that I noticed a slight imperfection to the sticker. I was afraid the owner would think me ‘super anal’ *which in a way I am in some ways*, so Sunshine went to change the sticker while I waited several shops away.

Sunshine took awhile coming back and I was worried that the owner was giving him a hard time and I was on my way to see what was taking to long when Sunshine walked out.


*Dream Weaver*: Why so long?
Sunshine: Well something was calling me and I had to stop.
*Dream Weaver*: HUH?
*slightly dazed and blur*
Sunshine: Well this was calling me…


And Sunshine proceeded to surprise me yet again with the other Eeyore sticker.
*GAH! GAH!*
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*starts jumping around and attracts strange stares from other shoppers*

*HOORAH HOORAH*

Another new addition to my Eeyore collection.
Thanks Da...
for your wonderful surprises.

Its no wonder we get along so well...
You can hear the Eeyores too.

*grin grin*
XOXOXO
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