With a part time job (which I love) and 4 external papers done via distance learning, I barely have enough time to do the things that I want to such as read, my arts stuff, watch movies or just hang out with the Possum or my friends at the mamak; and now the admin staff announced that I have to take another subject (News Blardy Editing – HATE it!) or I will not be able to graduate as planned in April 2006.
Blardy Hoorah! (Said sarcastically mind you…)
Then there are the assignments. There is one every blardy week and you hardly get time off before you have to start on another one. The past 2 weeks has seen me rushing for deadline after deadline and sleeping a maximum of 5 hours a day. *triple sigh*
It certainly doesn’t help when your tutor tells you on the day of submission that your assignment is full of shit and is nothing but crap (a first for me!) and flings the thing in front of your stricken face! –
So there I was blardy panicking about the blardy assignments and praying to God to just let me get this over and done with. I just want to pass now. I don’t need the A’s anymore!!! Really… (Of course I am still crossing my fingers and toes that I WILL do well but it’s not very likely from where I stand at the moment – but then miracles do happen, so there might be a slight chance…)
The blardy assignments are still pouring in and I am freaking out and being all blardy jumpy and strange. I tripped on the staircase one morning on the way up to my room and I nearly fell backwards and there was this thought in my mind ‘Yeah just fall… it would put your out of your blardy misery!’
Needless to say I was freaked out that I could think that way. I mean I have contemplated suicide before, but it’s weird when suddenly you just want to let go like that without having thought things through. Then there were those times crossing the freaking blardy busy road to get to college and I thought to myself that maybe if I was a little slower I might get hit and wouldn’t have to do the blardy assignment.
I sound so messed up and demented, kan?
Anyways, the worst is over (or so I think) and I am slightly more relaxed now. I should be at mass now but I didn’t have any transport… okay fine… I am blardy lazy. Bleh! I feel so sinful and crazed now… but I guess God sees me the little looney here in the computer rooming tapping on the keyboard and He feels this wave of compassion for me and will forgive me (More wishful thinking!).
** Do something nice for someone today and remember the victims of 9/11 and pray that terrorism and all forms of war and oppression will end. **