Sunday, April 10, 2005
Where do we go now???
Listening now to: Sweet Child of Mine by Guns and Roses
Feeling: Its a mixture of wanting to hurt someone and to sky-dive
SINCE someone has said that this blog is too colourful, this entry will be in the standard black,(are you happy now EMPTY INBOX?) besides today is so NOT a pink day!!! The day started of with me running down avoiding the moutain of work in my room and eating my lunch. I wrote of the events of the day before and it made me feel happy and fuzzy that I had such a good time the night before. Well after some procrastination and runnign away from the mountain of work, I decided that I would actually try and finish all the work that was sitting there calling me with thier mocking voices (reminds me of the vile custard bun!).
So, I gathered all my books and stuff and headed down once more to the computer room all the while ignoring the books which muttered under their breathes "About time you completed us!". I heard them muttering and grumbling and I smacked them down hard on the table for good measure. They were instantly silent. Thus began my day of sitting in front of the computer typing and thinking and typing and deleting and thinking and typing and deleting and typing and finally printing.
During the course of the day, I did nothing but work only stopping for breaks to the toilet and for food. I recieved no calls and made one and it was a mistake for it ruined my whole day. I shouldn't have dialed your number, should have just put you aside neatly in my mind. I wish I could turn back the time so that my heart need not have been torn and broken by you. Today is the day where I see you as who you really are in all your awful shades of colours. I thought you were different, why didn't I see you as you were?
My torn heart is bleeding but I don't feel a thing... in fact I feel strangely calm and content. Sure there is this nagging voice of me which tells me to not be too hasty, to give you another chance... but I push that nagging voice, that voice which always is hopeful aside and I indulge in myself for once in the anger and the hate which strangely does not come to me... instead it is just calmness I feel. Maybe I have just been harbouring too much anger in me all this time, that there is no more room for you.
There are so many things that I want to see you. I have scripted my whole speech in my head with careful precision but I know that when I see you or hear from you, I will not be able to utter a single word of it. One part of me want to end this already fragile friendship we have yet that sickeningly hopeful part of me is telling me to give you yet another chance at this friendship which we have built from scratch.
I have been typing for a good ten hours or so now and I am so tired and sleepy, yet there is this need for me to pen down how I feel before I sleep so that my heart can be at rest and I finally have some peace. My assignment for subject PRL2000 is completed and needs binding and my articles excluding the bar review have also been summitted. Ahhh... I managed to do it and I feel relieved. Another burden of my back... yet there in the horizon are a couple more to go, but I know now that whatever comes my way I can take it... I got my freaking groove (although it is a limp and a wriggle) back, so I should be able to do it.
As for you the one who tore my heart, if you read this post... where do we go now??? And of course, thanks for making me feel this way - you deserve a freaking award and since people are afraid of me cussing on my on blog, I will refrain from doing it! (see Gazza, I am tyring to stop cussing!)
May tomorrow see a very Pink Sunday with wonderful sunrises and sunsets and may this anger and hurt in me diminish......
Dreamed up by *Dream Weaver* at 2:46:00 AM