Friday, April 22, 2005

Ultimate Objectives

After many honey fairy cakes and buzzes to the real world, I sit here in a daze, confused as to what to do. I am facing a couple of problems such as:
  1. I might be barred from my social psych paper due to poor attendance.
  2. I might get really shitty grades as I have not studied (don't really care actually!)
  3. I don't know if I can finish all my assignments on time!
  4. I don't feel really motivated to do anything.
  5. I know what I want but I don't know how to get it.
  6. I know what I don't want and I can't get rid of the things that I dont' want.
  7. I have a back problem and am afriad of seeing the doc.

There are many other problems which seem to silly to mention. Actually, they are silly... you might think it is silly and I may well think that yours are silly too. Well yeah... so it goes...

"Success doesn't mean the absense of failures; it means the attainment of ultimate objectives. It means winning the war, not every battle." - Edwin C. Bliss

What are my ultimate objectives? I don't really know myself. I am the sort of person who wants to win every battle and with each battle that I undertake I kill bits of myself. So, in the end if I do win the war, would it have been a worthwhile thing? Would I enjoy what I have worked and fought for or would it just be something... another trophy on the shelf, another certificate on the wall or just pride in my heart.

I am confused these days. No one seems to understand and I doubt that they can. Calling friends doesn't really help for they dont' understand. SMSed a person a couple of times, I thought that person would understand, but that person has his/her own battles to fight and I have no presence in his life.

What gets me through the day? I am not sure. I guess seeing my things, feeling like I did something right or perhaps made someone happy even at my own expense is enough ... for now. But I am not sure how long this will last.

"Push me and see how far I can go."

The little girl said this to her mum. So her mum pushed her hard on the swings. She swung high up in the air and she thought she could touch the branches of the trees. She was frightened, but that melted away when she felt the thrill and rush of the wind. She felt that she could fly... she didn't fall. She was free for awhile.

I need to find out what my ultimate objectives are. I am still sailing unsure of where I am going. It seems to others that I have everything sorted out well... but alas if they only knew this befuddled brain and this weeping heart inside. Maybe they do see it all, they are just afriad to see it and tell me so. Going to go look for them ultimate objectives... anyone know the way?

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