Was my12 year old self high at that moment???
*sigh sigh* Here is the horrifying truth of the matter ~ I am at the fringe of my 23rd year and I am nowhere near the visions and dreams of that deluded 12 year old girl that I was. I am in fact at the opposite ends of what she imagined and hoped for.
That was what I would have gotten from my 12 year old self is she was ever given a chance to see herself in the future. She would probably also be traumatized with what she saw *sigh sigh*
Well yesterday evening, I got an early gift from Adam with a really really interesting card. It was good to know that at least I made a difference in one persons life in this 23-and-a-bit years of living. At least I know that nothing I did was really in vain! Sure I did not win the noble prize, get married, get a good job and etc. but at least I made one more person smile (eventhough it usually is at my expense), at least I gave one more hug and at least I listened to one more person who needed someone.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that even though I am nowhere near what my 12 year old self hoped and dreamt I would be, it is okay. I have done enough, I have achieved almost all of my goals and I am pretty happy. Sure there are areas in life where there needs some working on… but I guess that’s life isn’t it? One constant stream of... working (of which I have more to do), of improving (there is much to be improved still), of learning (there are more books and things to learn), of dreaming (there are more dreams left to be dreamt), of wishing (of which there are more stars to wish upon) and of loving (of which there is more to give and to receive).
I guess after some thinking, my 12 year old self would have been pleased with how I turned out to be. I am not all I wanted to be… but I am all I needed to be.