Christmas eve has come and gone just like that and pretty soon Christmas will be over as well. Funny how I wait all year round for this day and then all too soon its gone and strangely enough, my Christmases never quite go the way I plan.
Perhaps its because I never had any real traditions for Christmas. There were no "must do's" or places that I "had to go" each year. Once we used to have a really big Christmas thingy at my aunt's place (dad's side) when we were younger... the celebrations have toned down some now. I also used to have Christmas lunch with my granny (mum's side) at my aunt's place. Then my aunty and then later her husband passed away and then my granny passed away too. So now there really is no place to go for Christmas lunch. How I wish I could have lunch with my grandparents again. Just one more lunch with ginger beer and her home cooked food and then later a snooze in my granny's room.
I try to spend every Christmas eve night at Midnight mass with the day being spent shopping or just being with family and friends. I guess my mistake is that I never really made my own traditions. I just did what everyone else was doing. It doesn't help that I had several boyfriends and each Christmas there were new things to do with a new family to share the season with. At that time, it felt okay but now looking back... it just seems a tad sad.
Today's mass was pretty good. I loved the magic in the church as the choir sand and the smell of the incense filled the air around us. What I didn't' like was what we did after mass which wasn't really great. I would have rather spent it quietly at home with friends just talking or watching a movie or something. I am turning into a frightful bore. Didn't quite help that my mind was being preoccupied with inflicted annoying thoughts and that the crimson rivers were gurgling along with a mind of its own.
Now, that I am finally at home in the quiet coolness of my room, my mind drifts back to Christmases past. The Christmases that were with my two grannies mostly. I also remember how for a few Christmases I bought myself presents and wrapped them nicely and set up my small tree with its precious few ornaments and laid the presents underneath its sparse green boughs. I later opened the presents and a few others that were given to me alone near the Christmas tree and my Nativity scene which I had made our of an old tissue box in Sunday School. How very far away that Christmas seems - must try to locate that photo of the tree with the pile of presents and my Nativity scene.
Then there was my first Christmas spent in Australia with the Eatons and the other friends that I had made there. We cut our own Christmas tree and decorated it as well as the house with all sorts of Christmasy ornaments. My host mum also made me a personalised Christmas sock which she filled with my very own Boney M Christmas CD, a super sweet mango, chocolates and other treats. We had a hot Christmas as it was summer but we had a bonfire and made smores. We also had a BBQ and had fun just lying on the grass and staring up into the stars.
There were also two Christmases that I acted in church. It was a Christmas cantata it was called and it was held before Midnight mass. I did my first performance when I was 12 and was part of the choir. My second performance was when I was 15 and sporting an awful short mushroomy hair cut. I was one of the 3 Wise Men that went to find the baby Jesus. I had heaps of lines and was super enthusiastic as I skipped around the altar whilst I followed the Star that led me to the manger. I cringe every time I think of the video and my happy skipping, but I miss that... I miss acting in a cantata with a Christmas theme.
I also enjoyed going to Singapore to watch the lights along Orchard. I went 3 times my last time being with B just last week. The hustle and bustle was draining. There were people everywhere but the lights was lovely. All that was missing was snow!
Anyways, it's late. If I pissed off anyone tonight, I sincerely apologise. There is a lot on my mind and I have not been the friendliest of people today but really this Christmas just isn't going my way. I wish that someone would have led me by the hand and planned me a Christmas instead. Well like they always say, when you have lemons, make lemonade or a lemon meringue. I am sure Christmas morning will look brighter and will see my day being filled with activity and even if it isn't, a good lie in or a TV session is pretty okay too I suppose. One should just be glad that they are alive and that they have all these blessings poured upon them.
So here's to all the Christmases that have passed - they were indeed wonderful ones which I will cherish in the days and years to come - the current Christmas I am having - may the day be bright and happy with many things going on which I will enjoy - and to the Christmases to come which will be filled with all the best memories and experiences. May all of us find the joy and magic of Christmas not only during this Christmas season but also throughout the year.
Happy Christmas to all and don't forget the reason for the season *hugsss*
May God bless us abundantly during this Christmas season and may all our hopes, dreams, prayers and wishes come true this year.