Jo's 6 TIPS for the office.
1.) If you are the giggly sort (which I am), NEVER open jokes and read them whilst chewing on your fried rice. It is potentially dangerous to you and monitor. *NOTE: Have wet wipes always on hand for any minor accidents such as bits of rice spewing on your monitor or keyboard.
2.) I have found that if you don’t want to talk to people or be forced to work during your precious one hour of lunch, the only SAFE place is the toilet which will now be your sanctuary! Be prepared with extra toilet paper, food in bag, water in a Tupperware, reading materials, your MP3 player and of course an air freshener. *In case someone knocks on the door of your temporary sanctuary; speak in a raspy voice and tell them you are not feeling well but will be okay soon and continue reading your book and eating your packed lunch.
3.) If you find that someone has nicked your MILO from the fridge, remember to label your drinks the next time and insert the said drink in a plastic bag with your name on it. Then tie the plastic bag to a piece of string and tie the other end to your finger. You will now know which little/big arse is stealing said MILO the next bloody time. *NOTE: If the thread gets lost or falls off and the MILO is gone, wait till everyone leaves and check their bins to see who the little/big arse is.
4.) If your boss tells you one thing and someone else tells you something else, don’t complain or moan about it as it looks as if you are incompetent in your job, so instead vent it out on your blog and scream into your hanky/towel in the toilet which has now become your private sanctuary. *NOTE: Pick a thick hanky, preferably one which is fluffy and soft and scented (if possible) so that you don't damage your lips or skin whilst venting into the hanky/towel.
5.) If you want to read other peoples blogs during your precious lunch hour and if you happen to stumble upon and entry which has you as subject matter, think carefully if you should read it or wait to go home and then read it in the confines of your other sanctuary (which is nicer, cleaner, more comfy and etc.). If curiosity gets the better of you and you can’t resist, read it and prepare tissues in hand for any unexpected waterworks. *SPONGY: Thanks for the entry which was written some months ago... the tissues came in handy.
6.) If in any given case of unexpected waterworks starts occurring outside of any appointed sanctuary, fake a cold and start coughing and wheezing violently and run for the nearest sanctuary with your head down whilst continuing the violent coughing and wheezing. If the waterworks don’t cease… pinch yourself really hard so you have something else to think about other than the hurt, pain and etc. *For those requiring violent coughing and wheezing lessons, do drop me an email or msg. If you are lucky, you might even be lucky to get sent home by the boss in case you infect the others in the office with your strange disease!