In Melb

Its been almost a month since I wrote.
How time flies.
I am in Melbourne now as I write.
The sun is shining but the wind is bitterly cold.
I wish my dad and my bro and B were here.
My holiday would be more complete with them with me.

In two days time I go back to Temora.
Temora.
Temora.
I miss that place but wonder if I have grown away from it.
If I no longer can relate.
I hope I can.

This trip is much needed but I don't seem to have the space I seek.
My movements are very much kept in check which I dislike tremendously.
Perhaps starting from tonight it will change when I stay with Neeka and Matt.
But I am grateful.
I am thankful for being here.
I am enjoying things as much as I can.
and yet...
why do I feel as if things are just not right in some way.........

The monsters and me

I have stumbled upon all kinds of monsters.
The ones that repulse me
The ones that I loathe
The ones I long to slay with my blade
Manically slashing them lest they get away…
And then watch in twisted fascination as their wounds and gashes
Ooze blood thick as tar
And as black as sin.

Then there are the monsters in my dreams.
The ones I cannot see
The ones I run away from
Unknowingly and blindly stumbling through darkness
Through places I know not.
I run from the monsters that haunt me at night
That makes salty tears fall silently from my eyes.
That makes me toss and turn in my sleep
Till I wake up with a start
Trembling and wishing for dawns light.

Interestingly the monsters that I fear the most
Are the monsters that are merged and entwined within me.
The ones that emerge at the click of a finger
Or a blink of an eye
The ones that can ruin and destroy.
They are the monsters that are disruptive, dark and deadly
That lashes out at innocents unsuspectingly.
That wishes only for the worse
The ones that I inwardly curse.
Of all the monsters out there
The ones hardest to kill would be the monsters such as these.

So we live in a sick and twisted world
Vilely joined and seemingly symbiotic
That’s how we are the monsters and me

Hints of Despair

There were hints of despair
In the way that she sighed
In the way that she walked
In the way that she spoke.

There were hints of despair
In her glittery teary eyes
In the crooked broken smile
In the stance of her face.

There were hints of despair
Painted in her pictures
Written in her words
Sowed into the earth.

There were hints of despair
Around her
With her
In her
Just hints and threads of despair…

Rethinking

DW is rethinking the choices she has made.

total opposite

I truly enjoyed the day as it started out but now it’s the total opposite.
I just want to trudge home in the rain and watch the world pass me by.

Complicated Love

It’s sad how we often complicate love

which is the simplest most basic and available thing we have

and can give to others.

Crummy

I feel a little crummy today
It’s because of my hurting tummy
I feel a little crummy today
Perhaps I should have just stayed in bed

My 1 Year Anniversary

It’s been a year since I joined The Bank.

I can’t believe it! A whole year since I have sat at this very cubicle doing all sorts of work. I remember being asked to go for the interview at The Bank. ME, work in such a bank much less a chingchong bank such as this? NO WAY! What's more, I hate numbers and economics... Banking and Finance, so NOT me.

But then, Sunshine said that I should go, to just see what it was like and who knows I might like what the offer. I remember arriving late for my interview and was drenched in sweat. I remember meeting my CL my boss and thinking to myself that she had nice undergarments on. I remember rattling on about heaven knows what and I remember thinking that it wouldn’t be too bad working here. An hour or so later, they called me to tell me I got the job and that I had to revert on my interest in 2 days time… I would start almost immediately. So I said yes simply because they offered me what I wanted, the benefits were pretty good and I was to get almost free rein over the department. I remember my folks were also super happy to hear about my job at The Bank. They always harbored dreams that I would join The Bank.

A year down the road and I wonder if it was worth it. I hardly took any time off this year - I have 15 and a ½ days left of leave. Work took up so much of me and I had to and still have to work with v.difficult people and yet surprisingly enough I find myself liking what I do. I don’t drag my feet to work every morning (although there are days when I just wish I could stay in bed the whole day) unlike how it was at the hovel previously. I continuously think of new ideas and ways to make my department more manageable, organized and efficient though its hard with me being the only one around… hahaha. Sometimes, I can’t believe its only been a year but the marked days off the calendar tell me that yes, it is one year.

Well, work has honestly came me sane. Through breakups, blowups, fedups and everything in between, work has always been my constant. In a way, it’s kinda sad to even write that… but with work I know pretty much what to do and where I fit in… but with life and the great big world out there, I don’t quite know where I fit in and where I belong.

Yeah, I am in sorta new phase in my life again...
A phase that is risky, exciting, scary, euphoric and pretty much a combination of emotions as most new phases/things are. I don’t know how things might turn out to be, but I think its going to be a good one.

So here’s to one year at The Bank and to a new phase in my life. To all the people that have played such an instrumental role in my life at The Bank, a big big thank you. For rides to and from work, for breakfasts, lunches, teas, dinners, after dinner drinks, parties over the weekend, trips to shopping centres, waterfalls, just chilling out, super long emails. chats on the phone and just being friends... a big big thanks *smiles smiles smiles*