Tuesday, June 10, 2008


I was just telling B (who I incidentally don't love in "that" way) this evening
as we drove home that I was so excited
to be able to go on home and blog about the things that have been happening...
...about the books that lured me with their magical song,
about the supplier who thought I had 2 children,
about the boss who spent half of my WIP meeting talking to me about pimple/acne creams,
about the boy who broke my heart,
about the dreams that I have been having,
about the vomiting and nausea I feel almost daily,
about the photos I took,
about the urge to up and leave,
about the voices in my head that have come back,
about the champion night when I puked nine times without the aid of alcohol,
about the new stuff I bought,
about grinning on my on accord,
about the “re-awakening”,
about praising God and feeling parts of the old happiness and peace return,
about the party that wasn't quite like a party,
about growing up and growing old,
about a boy who thinks I am in love with him,
about the bookshelves and cupboards and SB room and heaps of other stuff that I want,
about the emo songs I love and try to sing along to...
about singing with a passion that comes from some unknown place in me,
about what I have learnt in this short time about love and relationships,
about the wedding that might not have been,
about learning to let go,
about learning to plant your own flowers without waiting for someone to give them to you,
about the banking summit,
about the dangers of pretending to be someone else,
about telling the truth although the truth hurts painfully,
about advising your friends when you know your decision could
change their lives forever,
about smiling eventhough your heart is breaking,
about the bar where almost everyone knows your name,
about eating too much salmon and its effects on you,
about my cool family,
about the big boss who seems almost human at times,
about my insecurities,
about JT and how he writes awesomely crappy emails,
about the man who occupies my daydreams,
about my new passion,
about saying 'I am sorry' and actually meaning it,
about drinking apple juice in a Hello Kitty container and not cringing,
about dropping chocolate cake with a "SPLAT" in front of your big boss
and pretending that nothing happened,
about learning to be happy for your own sake rather than anyone else’s,
and about everything else that has happened since...
But the words fail me tonight.
The books have been luring me once more but I can't read...
Piles of books stacked up, one on top of the other bid me warm welcomes
and entice me with their stories of which I can only imagine
as I hastily tiptoe pass them to get to my warm slightly cramped bed.

I reckon I need sleep more than anything else... (I can’t believe I just said that!) It is lovely in my dreams more often than not... Everything is less complicating with more happy endings and in my dreams, I am able to say the things I really want to say out loud *smile*
So to bed I shall go...
perhaps I will be able to write tomorrow.


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