Monday, September 04, 2006

Fairy Tale perhaps???

I used to look with trepidation towards the future because of the uncertainty that awaited me there… but things are changing. The dreams that I put away on shelves labeled “one day” are slowly being pulled down and dusted to be reviewed again for consideration.
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I have wanted to write so many times, to pour out my feelings and my thoughts on to this Piece of Heaven… I usually will log on to blogspot and start typing but then the words just freeze in my mind and all these thoughts collide into each other, overlapping each other, making my mind spin and twirl...

They are still doing that, these thoughts of mine but I guess in some ways the thoughts are settling down... and my life is getting a to be alittle more in order.

Much has happened in the span of my last entry. Nothing monumental that will be recorded in history books but something colossal in my own life. Some of you have been fortunate (or cursed?) to know the inner dealings of my tumultuous love life and well for those who are wondering what is going on, well its over.
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Stepping out of any relationship is hard but I think that this was one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. Sure it was anything but a smooth relationship for the Possum and I but I still do care for him even though we are no longer in a relationship.

… I guess our relationship was over a long time ago, but the reason why it went on the way it did was that there were certain things to hold on to… certain happy times that we clung on to and some wonderful days that were few and far in between but were there nonetheless.

I feel sad that it had to end. The Possum has been a great source of joy in my life though at the same time a great source of pain. It is these conflicting emotions that have dulled my insides and made me say goodbye. There were times I wanted to ‘take it back’, to tell him that it was a mistake of a hasty mind and uncontrollable tongue… but I know that I can’t go back… not now at least.
My mum thinks that I was being rash in doing what I did and my other family members are just shocked at the turn of events. Some people saw it coming, others were just too tired to wait for this endless bickering to end and some were just shocked that it happened.

But it has happened… we are no more… the Possum and the SugarBunny are just memories now. But how do you truly forget someone and put them away? Boxes just don’t work anymore… strangely though, my heart no longer wrings itself when I see photos of us, it merely is a dull throb that lulls away.
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I guess some people are wondering how come I am not in shambles like how I was in my last relationship that ended, but I guess as I have said before, I guess our relationship was over a long time ago. I wept the other day, the day I said goodbye but that was all (for now?)…
There are so many things to look forward to and the emergence of someone else has helped greatly. Sometimes I wonder if the long awaited Fairy Tale I waited for has finally arrived… has finally unfolded in front of me.

I the weaver of my Dreams, I the Dreamer and believer of Fairy Tales might finally have a happy fairy tale to tell…

And what of you that still plagues my life every now and then? I guess you like the Possum will be put away ever so gently so that my life may be able to move forward and that I may begin a new chapter in my life without having to have that phantom love I was always chasing…

And yes… the Sun does shine when we least expect it to and drives the clouds of sadness and pain away and makes the magically rainbows gleam right in front of you so much so that you can reach out and touch it and smile with a twinkle in your eye and a contented sigh on your breath… and everything seems to fall right into place...
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2 comments:

Pinkity said...

Joe, xoxox.... you take care till this Friday...

Angelus said...

"But how do you truly forget someone and put them away?",so you asked. You are familiar with my little tale and so I shall tell you that it does take a lot of strength to make such a decision, particularly in your case. As far as forgetting someone and putting them away, don't bother. You can dump every single memory of him in a box and throw it away and it will still come back to you. We remember things because they were important to us or they meant something to us at the time. Love them or hate them, there will always be that little something that will remind us of them. So what do you with them? Cherish the sweeter moments, learn from difficult times. It'll take time to deal with it but what's most important is that you come to terms with your decision and not circle around 'what if' thoughts. Time, unlike a clock, won't stop for us to readjust. The possibilities of what can happen are limitless but we are only allowed to see one possibility through. No one can change what has been done but it doesn't mean you can't change the outcome of things. So don't regret and face every moment knowing you made a decision based on what seemed like the best choice at the time. But in the mean time Dreamweaver, do take care and let me know if you need anything :)

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