It's been a week ~ I have survived.
Not that I ever doubted my ability to survive, but there are moments when I just don't quite know how to feel, to act, to function even... though thankful those moments last for a flitting (flitting: verb, to move lightly and swiftly; fly, dart, or skim along: bees flitting from flower to flower) moment and I am back in control. Those moments though hurt like hell. I have been through some tough times, but the pain is always different and always just as painful.
The past week has been pretty good considering what has happened. My friends have been a blessing ~ calling when I needed to hear a friendly voice, SMS'ing to make me smile and to just take my mind of things, MSN'ing me silly jokes so that I laugh, sending me emails that make me remember that everyday is a blessing and just hanging out with me so that I wouldn't feel so alone. Bless you guys from the bottom of my heart.
Work has always kept me from thinking so much about things. Have been leaving work early the past week which has allowed me to watch several DVD's: Greys Anatomy Season 1, Mr Magoriums Wonder Emporium (an absolutely magical movie) and Little Manhattan. I have also been savouring my "alone time" though there are times when I get misty eyed when I think of him. Yes, I know! I am such a sap!!!
Had a wonderful time with the group (Yi Hwa, Tania and Nic) at Sids. We talked about so many things and had a lovely time munching on porkies and chippies and alco (thanks for the meal Tania!). It was good to catch up with them. Yews, you were missed!
Yesterday, I met up with Sunshine. We went to watch Disney on Ice at Bukit Jalil and then we went to Wendy's (just opened in Sunway Pyramid) for dinner. It was the same but different. I felt that we were overly cautious... afriad to say the wrong things... afraid to fall back to the old us... it was like walking on eggshells. I did enjoy myself but I did not. I didn't quite enjoy the show 'cos I knew that he did'nt like it and was worried that he would feel bored and I know he hated Wendy's too but went just because I wanted to. I also dread that I will not be seeing him for some time.
I miss him dreadfully. I miss the easy way we could talk and laugh and joke. Now everything has become strained. I guess I am hoping for too much... I hope though that in time things will get better between us, less of a strain, more like how we used to be but then again I don't know how that will ever work since what we were can never be.
I also got a call from G in the states. Too bad it was raining so heavily or I would have happily chatted with him for a longer period of time but it was just good to hear his voice. I also got a call from another friend and he just snapped at me on the phone and said that I was probably going to lose all my friends if I kept turning down their invitations to go out and that he was tired of talking to me. It hurt a little... I wish he knew what I was feeling, going through or had to do. People tend to always jump to conclusions and speak before they think about what to say.
Anyways, a new week is just around the bend. I know its going to be a good week. I am tired... I have dark cicrles under my eyes, several unsighly pimples on my face but I have heaps of hope and faith that makes everything look sparkly and new. May all of you have a blessed and wonderful week ahead.