Monday, April 21, 2008

It's been 3 weeks...

It's been 3 weeks...
...and I have crashed and burnt.
So much for thinking that I was okay.
Penang was great - moonlight walk on the beach, friends talking,
Chillis, food, the waves crashing on the shore, mum and me...
Sunday was bad - Dave and I, S and I, me without you, nasty drinks,
gold plastic, printer scanner, drunk dialing, a broken heart, many many tears...
the worse hangover and stomache ever.
I feel like I am in another place... a place I have never been too
and I don't know how to come back...
I don't know how to be me...
My body, my heart, my mind feels like it doesn't belong to me...
I stop and all I can do is stare at the past.
I am stuck in a moment.
But...
It's a little better today...
Nineteen steps backwards yesterday...
One small step forward today...
I am sorry that I will most probably break your heart Sam.
I can't fix your heart 'cos mine is too broken
and I don't know how long it will take to mend it...
I need to be saved.
Empty. I feel so damn empty...
I am now picking up the pieces, trying to make sense of things
and I think I will admit it this once...
for now...
"I am not okay"
but I hope that soon, very soon, I will be okay.

1 comment:

Ezekielvs filivs iacobi said...

nasty drinks? i thought they were wonderful!

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