Last night I got the answer to the question I was pondering on about and well the answer I got wasn't the one I wanted to hear and as it usually is, the truth hurts. Suddenly the phrase, “The truth? You can’t handle the truth!” rings I in my ear and I have to admit that at that time, about something it was, I thought that I would not be able to handle the said truth and I was super upset and torn. *Being torn sucks by the way because you never know when you are ever going to be whole again or if you will ever be able to be the person you once was.
But after sleeping on it (I tossed and turned till about eight), I felt better and although I hurt like hell still and I feel like hiding under my comforter and staying there for awhile to heal, I know that I can handle the days to come... slowly but surely.
At the moment, my eyes hurt. My heart hurts. Every part of me hurts really… but at least I know the truth now and the logical part of me can do its victory lap around my broken heart as the words I told you so echo around the said broken heart of mine. But I suppose in time that broken heart will heal but I don’t know about the broken relationship and the broken dreams or how the trust can ever heal or the friendship ever mend.
Tomorrow it’s back to work. Back to the same mundane things I have to do. Back to the real world. Back to the hospital to see my grandma. Back to the problems I will have to face. Back to the same shops to eat and face the same traffic jams. But one thing will be different tomorrow. I will have a crushed wing and a torn dream… but its okay… the wing will heal and I will learn to fly again and the dreams… well dreams will be conjured up again and in time my heart will heal as well. And regardless of all the things that have happened… it is hard not to still care and miss you... the you I once knew...