Tuesday, December 25, 2012

My 30th Christmas

More than 15 years ago I cut this picture of good old Santa from an old magazine and stuck it behind my childhood bedroom door and there it has remained. I looked at this cutout everyday while I opened and closed the door. It serves as a reminder that Christmas is on its way and it gives me hope that Christmas will be here before I even know it... I usually get a little annoyed with this little cutout about March and then again in the following months especially when there are no more celebrations around the corner but its a good cutout and I love it to bits.

Anyways, Christmas tends to creep up on me and then escapes me as suddenly as it arrives so much so that in about 3 hours and 25 minutes time {according to my clock now as I type} Christmas 2012 would have officially ended. To a certain extent, I feel like it never even happened. The happy wreath I hung on my front door fell about a week ago and no effort was made to hang it up again and so it sits forlornly on the shoe cabinet ready to be put away for another year. There are several Christmas wrappers and handmade gift tags lying around but for the most part, Christmas has come and gone yet again.

So what was my 30th Christmas like this year you wonder... its hard for me to describe what it feels like to be honest. There is that ever present excitement that Christmas brings. The Christmas carols, the gorgeous decorations, the pretty presents, the awesome packaging... how can one not feel excited? But yet I feel that as each year passes and the prettier the decorations get, the true Spirit of Christmas is lost. I am indeed blessed to have spent more time with my family this year and to share Ethan's {my nephew and god sons} first Christmas with him. Usually I spend the day with friends but they have opted to have their own arrangements this year. Yup, the changes are apparent in the way we celebrate this special day and I am honestly not too thrilled about it but changes come, its only natural isn't it?

The one constant I am still thankful for is Christmas Eve mass. It is the one shining beacon of Christmas for me. It's what I have come to relate Christmas with. Not the presents. Not the decorations. Not the merriment but the Christmas Eve mass. I remember Christmas Eve masses of yesteryear and I smile because they were always wonderfully magical to me. I also remember the performances I participated in for two years ~ once in an ensemble and once in one of the lead roles {I was a wise man} in a Christmas play titled "Three Wise Men and A Baby" {if I recall}. The smell of incense, the beautiful vestments and the grandness of mass will always amaze me. And this year, it is no different.

Daves and B joined me for Christmas Eve mass. We managed to get a seat by the side but in the first pew. It was good to see everything up close and be in the church for the mass. The choir was lovely though I don't quite appreciate it when they start singing in Latin ~ sure we should technically be learning it but since 90% of the congregation knows nuts about what the words mean, it would have been better to have had it all in English. My five cents anyways. Anyways, back to the awesome bit... as I knelt down to pray after receiving communion, I had a vision in my mind of those dearly departed at Our Lady's grotto. There was candlelight illuminating them as they stood there. Some faces were clear as day and some were in shadows but I knew who they were. They were smiling. They were happy and I was at peace. My eyes misted over and my heart wanted to burst and I wanted to reach out to them to touch them but just as soon as the vision came, it departed... but the feeling of that happiness, that joy remained. That my dear readers is what I remember and treasure most this Christmas. That simple vision of hope and joy. 

Today I went to my parents house to open presents with Ethan. It's lovely to see a Christmas corner in my home. After that, my parents, B and I went to visit my aunt who is sick with cancer. I felt so helpless and I didn't know what to do but offer up a prayer for her that she doesn't suffer. Then I went for a Christmas tea with my extended family and it was good to see all of them ~ there have been births, deaths and sickness in our family this year and its sad to remember the ones who have already left us but we remain hopeful that we will see them all again one day. After the tea, there was nothing much else to do so here I am writing this post to you after playing several games of Zuma and chatting online. There is a severe lack of activities this Christmas and I want to feel angry but I feel indifferent instead {I find it strange though that my non-Christian friends have more fun then I do}. Perhaps it is best this way instead, being here with my thoughts on this one special day. If I had wanted more fun, I should just have planned and sorted it all out in the beginning instead of waiting.

So really my dear readers, it's not the gifts that I received {though I am happy that people still want to buy me presents}, neither is it the decorations in the malls {most of which I have not been to unlike previous years where it was a must to visit every other shopping mall} or the Christmas shopping {which I used to love to do but which I completed in under 3 hours this year}. It is neither the fancy food that we had {some food was super yums}, the new glittery gold shoes I used for Christmas Eve mass or the messages received via SMS or whatsapp or on FB. It was just that one moment in church on the 24th of December that was Christmas for me... that moment when my heart wanted to burst with hope and joy and I pray that that moment will live in me for some time to come.

And yes, its been ten years and the memories are still fresh. The empty cavity in my heart still remains empty as I believe it will for years to come but I remembered you for a moment, said a prayer. I hope my thoughts reach you.

So yes... another Christmas come and gone. No carols in the background, no Christmas tree in the foreground, no BEC Christmas party, no Christmas carolling, a solitary Christmas card by a company whose products are overpriced and which I have never bought before and Bruce Springsteen's 'Secret Garden' playing in the background, home before 7pm... It sure has been a quite an un-Christmasy Christmas to be honest, but no matter... I have come to accept things as they are.
Christmas lives in my heart.

Happy Blessed Christmas everyone!
*God bless*

Read more about my other Christmases here, here and here.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

FUYOH Art Bazaar today!

Visit booth C01, Hearts & Crafts booth at the 
FUYOH Art Bazaar for happy washi tape, stickers,
post-its, handamde Christmas tags and other happy things.
Do drop by to say "hello" *smiles*

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Hearts & Crafts @ FUYOH Art Bazaar 23rd December

Hi crafty friends and lovers of happy things!
Hearts & Crafts will be at the FUYOH Art Bazaar @ Publika
this December 23rd from 10am - 6pm.

Come 'touch and see' the pretty craft supplies like happy washi tape,
patterned paper straws, stickers, post-its and etc.
They make awesome Christmas stocking stuffers for sure! 
*smiles smiles*

I look forward to seeing you there.
Do drop by and say "hello".

On another note, do follow us on Facebook as well!
*thanks in advance*

Sunday, December 16, 2012

letters from the dead

It's been a long day of cleaning the house in preparation for Christmas and the New Year. Besides that, I have been sorting old boxes {especially my old boxes from my previous job @ the bank} and feeling pangs of nostalgia. Sifting through things tends to bring up old memories long forgotten but they are good stuff nonetheless. I also had some time to doodle, read, have a drink and spend time with my mum and Belle my beagle... so all in all it was a long day but a good one *smiles*

I finally found a birthday card/letter that Adam gave me for my 24th birthday and it was so good to read something from. Letters from the dead... sounds morbid but in fact it comforted me {am thinking about writing a short story, a script, a poem or just a piece on this... "letters from the dead"}. I wish I could have told him that I did value his friendship and it would have been so good if we could have spent more time being friends. 

Anyways, its late and I am rambling on. This time last week, I was so pumped up with dancing at the rave and Daves and I were probably stuffing our face with chocolate chip cookies and sleeping in the back seat while G drove us to the Big Bad Wolf Sale. Note to self,  never shop for books after a rave or party or a drinking session. 

15 more days till the new year. Am not quite ready to say goodbye to 2012, there are heaps more things to do and 15 more days is not enough for everything ~ egad! We will see how it goes. Still thinking of that 'One Little Word'. Explore is such a tough word to outdo!! *grin grin* but it sure was an excellent word for 2012.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Patterned & Striped Paper Straws

Patterned and striped paper straws for sale
at Hearts & Crafts *smiles*
Perfect for weddings, parties and for crafty projects.
for more information. 

that time of the year

For some reason, 
I feel strangely sad.
Maybe its that overwhelming feeling
of having so much to do and not knowing
where to start or how to finish it.
Perhaps it is the feeling of wanting to
say something but not knowing the words.
Perhaps its the feeling of being unnoticed,
of being left behind, of not being the first.
Perhaps it is just the weather... gloomy.
Perhaps its me lacking the Christmas spirit
not feeling it, not decorating my home,
not doing much at all...
Maybe its the choices I made
or the ones I didn't make.
I think its just that time
of the year.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012


I had initially wanted to post a post on Christmas for everyday leading up to Christmas... but alas, if you have noticed, there is a gap of several days mainly because of the long weekend which was epic to say the least. I have not had a such a good long weekend in ages. Sure there could have been more things that I could have done to be honest, especially hangout with my parents and go to church but truly, this long weekend has made me feel so alive. I will write more about this when I can because I should be doing work now and I am super tired that I can't think about it any more. My bed is calling me and I am just so sick of thinking about work stuff. It's December. The Christmas season is around the corner. Am doing my best, but I really need some help and extra time for shopping and cleaning up my house. Ahhhh... but I am still riding 'high' on this happy, dance and alive bug *smiles smiles*

I am leaving you with this song which has been playing in my mind and has been making my feet do all kinds of strange things. I have been listening to this clip on YouTube for ages. I think I am loving Avicii's music. More on this soon. And btw, if I forget to blog {or more like don't have the time}, happy 12.12.12 its epic and will never happen again ~ and I can't believe I have to spend it at the office. Ah but such is life... kan?

Oh well. Have an awesome 12.12.12 
do something crazy good and epic.

Friday, December 07, 2012

The 7th of December

On the 7th of December, I took a trip down memory lane.
I remembered those who had left us early to wait
for us on that beautiful shore.
I remembered them as they were with their smiles,
with the laughter, with their voices, 
with the way they would do certain things...
my eyes grew misty as they sometimes do when
thoughts of them cross my mind, but I remember
that there, in that special place where we will all
be together one day, they are safe, they are at peace.
And I am comforted.
But I still do miss them.

I pray you will have peace in your hearts this
Christmas season when you think those you have lost.
May you too be comforted knowing that they are
safe in our Father's arms.


I was just chatting with WYT on whatsapp and he apologised for always making me think of sad stuff and dragging up old memories. I thought about it and realised that my some of my happiest moments in life are intermingled with tinges of sadness so much so that its hard to have one without the other. But I am trying. Trying to concentrate only on the happiness and not so much the sadness. I am learning how to remove the strands of sadness that tangle with the happy bits... and so far it works... though not always.
Tonight though its special... tonight its a melancholic night. 
Equal parts of both.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

The 6th day of December

It's Thursday. Let's prep for the
Christmas season.
Am gearing up to making some Christmas themed
items and for decorating my house.
Wish me luck that I get everything sorted *smiles*

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

The 5th of December

For the 5th of December, I wish you joy.
The kind of joy that bubbles right inside of you
to the very core of your being.
That makes you laugh and smile from a
wellspring of happiness in your soul. 

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

The sweetest thing in a while...

I am super happy!!! *gah* I feel like exploding.
Read my Facebook status today.
And I was super happy and 
I still am when I think about it.

So here goes... {an introduction before the story}. About two months ago, a new boy joined my organisation and we didn't really talk much because we were in different teams. To be honest, I still don't know how we became friends because it happened quite suddenly. WYT  tells me that we started talking when I asked him to get me a slurpee after lunch as he was going to sevlev {his version of 7-11}. I suppose that was when we had an actual conversation but I can't remember what it was about. 

Apparently the next time we spoke was when we went to the store to get snacks after a particularly long day at work and ever since then, he has been my sevlev / snack buddy. Through our many conversations, we realised we had many similarities and it was so easy to talk to him. Best of all, he had the ability to make me laugh and to ask me the right questions at the right time ~ very useful in a stressful office environment. He also has a knack of remembering things which is amazing for a boy *snickers* 
Anyways, back to the story at hand...

I have always loved 'The Lord of The Rings {LOTR}'. I have watched the trilogy several times and read the book cover to cover ages before the movie came out. I can't memorise lines and such, but I just love everything about LOTR. So when I heard the news that 'The Hobbit' was being filmed, I was so excited and now, in a couple of days, 'The Hobbit' will be screened in our local cinemas. OMG!!! I was so excited that I even blogged about the hobbits on NZ coins here. *smiles smiles*

So naturally I have been thinking about how to get my hands on the tickets for the preview/premier of 'The Hobbit' but no super idea came out other then lining up a day before to buy the tickets or going super early. Anyways, WYT knew that I was a fan and had wanted to watch the movie, so he firstly told me that his friend would be able to bring me into the media screening if I wanted but I told him I felt shy and I just left it at that. Then after lunch, he told me that he had got me a ticket to go under his blog name to watch 'The Hobbit'. He actually called the organiser and asked if it was okay if I went in his place.

When I heard that I was so happy. I nearly exploded.
Me going to see 'The Hobbit' a few days earlier than the other Malaysians? ZOMG! How awesome is that?!?! And then I felt so touched that he did that for  me. To be honest, many people have been nice to me and have done heaps for me but this is honestly one of the top few moments that I am overwhelmed 'cos really there was no need for him to help me but he did. And I am so glad.

So yes, I am going to watch "The Hobbit!"
Thank you heaps WYT. 
You have been a super awesome friend today.
I hope you know that. 
 Fluffy says "hello".

The fluffy caterpillars of the family Megalopygidae

The 4th of December

On the 4th day of December, 
I decided to put up my Christmas wreath 
which has been wedged for 11 months in
my cabinet. I am surprised that it still looks 
pretty decent {excluding the bent branch!}
*snickers snickers*
Go on, decorate your door today.

Happy washi tape promotion!

It's the most wonderful time of the year 
and Hearts & Crafts is giving away a 10% discount
when you purchase 5 rolls and above of washi tape.
Happy Shopping folks *woot woot*

Monday, December 03, 2012

Washi Tape @ Hearts & Crafts

Hi dear blog readers.
I would like to introduce you to a new selection of
craft supplies, happy washi tape, that Hearts & Crafts
will be carrying as of today *smiles* 
Washi tape is just awesome, don't ya think?

The 3rd of December

Am loving this vintage print of Christmas...
or could it be just that it uses all my fav. colours.
On the 3rd day of December let us send out an
SMS, or email or whatsapp or leave an FB message today
to your parents, or your siblings, or to an old friend 
or someone you haven't spoke to in a long time
or perhaps to a friend you speak to every single day.
It doesn't matter. Just let them know they were in their mind.
I am sure it will make their day *smiles*

Far away but not forgotten

Today I heard some rather sad news of the passing of one of
my old friends, Adam. His sister sent me a message on FB to 
tell me of his passing on 24th November, as she had come across 
some of my handwritten letters to him when we first met.
She said that when she read the letters, she realised what a
true friend I was to him and that made want to cry simply 
because I haven't been a good friend. If I had been, I would
have called more often, asked about him more often,
and met with him every so often. But I didn't.

I am happy though that I did send him a message several
weeks ago to just ask how he was doing, but I could
have done more... now its too late.

The letters are with Adam's sister now and she said that
she thinks he would have liked it if I kept them.
She wants to show his parents the letters and I inwardly
cringe at the thought of people reading my words to him.
I hope they aren't filled with embarrassing things.

Nevertheless, this is the note I posted on this FB page...
Adam, I am sorry if I hurt you and could never give you
what you wanted. Thank you for being a strong
supporter of my blog, for reading my words, for being there, 
for understanding, for not judging, for the laughter
for keeping the letters I wrote to you, for the dancing...
I will  miss you. I hope you know that.


There have been many things I have wanted to say to you over the years but the words just don't come when I need them too and because time passes and things change, and I get caught up with 'life'... I forget. I forget to email, or talk, or to stay in touch with just the occasional SMS or whatsapp to fill the spaces of our friendship. And I am sorry. Sorry for not making more of an effort to stay in touch. 

Now when I find out that you have gone, I suddenly have a 126 things to talk to you about, to ask you, to share with you... but you aren't here. Anyways, I would like you to have this poem. I am sure you have read it already since you have read almost every single one of them, but today the words are just for you.

You were right when you said "Only the fallen can see..the others like us, we walk together, side by side in silence, an unspoken understanding, we walk..." Thank you for the days when I needed a somoene to just walk in silence by my side. Rest in peace, dear Adam and may we meet again on that beautiful shore. 

Far Away
When I heard the news this evening,
I began to cry, I closed my eyes,
I never thought i would have to say goodbye.
I pray all day and I pray all night,
I hope you can hear what i say.
But millions of prayers wouldn't bring you back
Because Heaven keeps you far away.
I know that you are watching from beyond the stars and moon,
still I hold on to that one last dream,
that you will come back and
that things are not what it seems.
To talk to you and see you smile,
Is all i ask of you,
That one wish i hope would be,
But instead you must watch over me.

I will try not to cry anymore,
For one day i too shall knock on Heaven's door.
And on that day,
We will be face to face,
Your laughter and smiles i will hear again in that special place.

Still... I pray all day and I pray all night,
I hope you can hear whar I say.
But millions of prayers wouldn't bring you back
Because Heaven keeps you far away...

Sunday, December 02, 2012

The 2nd of December

On the 2nd of Decmeber, for those
 of us who have lost someone special
and are missing them tremendously,
 may you be comforted in knowing 
that those whom you have lost are at peace 
and that they continue to watch over us from Above.
I pray that your the empty spaces in your hearts be 
filled with love, hope and joy this Christmas season.

Saturday, December 01, 2012

The 1st of December

Oh December! 
How I have missed you 
and waited for you for 
11 long, draggy months.
And now that you are here...
I am worried. I am panicky.
So many things to do, 
so little time.
24 more days till we celebrate
the birth of Christ and then we 
would have to wait a whole 364 days!
Oh December!
I am going to try my best
to make this celebration the very
bestest Christmas ever!

words and time

words like time can never be taken back.
it is good to always remember that.

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