This time tomorrow I will be dancing on the sand...
and I know that indefinately a new chapter in life will begin...
P.S: Ah Gee... you are already missed!
Sometimes the journey of self-discovery is sometimes painfully sad but sometimes wonderful. And life I feel is a lot about love and being love in return and of having the courage to go with what your heart is telling you...
Am at the office now… just had nuggets, zucchini and 2 mini buns. I have not snacked in 1 and 1/2 days. Drank milk yesterday and today and had oats and fruit yesterday and bran today for breakfast. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
* silly grin*
The past week has been strange.
I feel detached from so many things and yet attached to others.
Someone who once was a stranger to me, now plays an important role in my life. I guess I allow him to do that because my heart is telling me to.
Then there is the boy I thought I would marry… the one who loved me and then left. I want to grieve over this lost, but the past few times that he left and which I thought was the end turned out to be merely just another chapter. Will this time be any different?
I was disappointed in myself though on Sunday afternoon, when the weather was humid and hazy and when the cars were jammed all along bukit bintang road. I should have walked away then. I should have opened the door and walked away but I sat there and I stared ahead blank and immune to the words hurled at me and the fumes permeating my lungs. Standing outside my gate, I thanked God for the millionth time that I was alive but I berated myself for having being weak. Yes the comment left by an anon is right, at times I am a weakling… but that will hopefully change in time and strange as it may sound, I feel that things are already different in certain aspects of my life.
Much has happened around me as well. Something’s that I have no power to change and yet others that I can and it all boils down to letting go and living it up to what I have always dreamt and hoped for.
Yes, sometimes the journey of self-discovery is painfully sad and at times I wish with all my heart that the pain would go away but it is necessary to feel pain I think because when joy and love comes, you will be able to feel it with every fibre of your body. And about love and having the courage to go with what your heart is telling you, its such a difficult task because sometimes your heart is too adventurous and your heart blinds you too much with emotions. But I guess in the end, everything will be okay in time and all wounds will heal and all smiles will be set straight.
To You, the sun that drove away the clouds, thanks…
Well its back to sitting in front of the pc and try and do my work whilst I ponder about what the future has in store for the days ahead.
It’s 8.16pm as I write this entry and every normal sane person would be at home enjoying their weekend… well count me out of that equation ‘cos I am still at work!!!
Was asked by several colleagues who were wakling out the door, “Why you still here?”
I wanted to retort “Waiting for my eggs to hatch”… but being the nice person that I am, “I said work” and hunched over my work and willed them to go away before I felt the urge to take my envelope opener and gorge out their eyes.
Sorry… that’s me being not so nice…
But I can’t help it… I am just so tired and now after all the praying for the weekend to come quickly, its here and I just realised I have nothing planned. Sun sort of saved the morning when he suggested we go for lunch and animal/pet watching at Ikano. Great, ‘cos I have work at Ikano tomorrow at 2pm!!! – Gawd!!! Client freaking servicing. Thank God I can wear normal clothes… and I hope they don’t make me stay long.
Sorry I sound like a grouch… *sob sob*
It don't want to feel this way... But I can’t help it… *sigh*
The oldies that are playing on my yahoo player helps a little but then…
I don’t know… there is just something missing…
The only good thing is that I love the "me" time I am having now.
No one demanding things from me or bothering me, playing with my mind and heart or asking me to do things… its just me, alone in the office and me alone with my thoughts, golden oldies in the background and the computer for me to tinker on, just the way I like it… would be really great if I had some food though… the sarnie at 12.30pm can only go so far but then I guess I am blessed to even have some food.
I think I am an emotional wreck now… like a ticking time bomb ready to explode!!!
~ okay so I am exaggerating, but I just feel like damn wierdlah… this weird weird feeling that something is not quite right and I hate that feeling.
Anyways I think I should stop work and go home and just enjoy the weekend… *smile*
~~* hope that things get better…